


The Weight of His Anchor

by FivePips, jennandblitz



Series: Rock 'n' Pole [23]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: After care, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arguments, Asexual Character, Asexuality Spectrum, BDSM, Daddy Kink, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Family Drama, Family Issues, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Sirius, Genderqueer Character, Hurt/Comfort, No Age Play, Other, genderqueer teddy, mentions drugs, mentions past child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:34:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 66,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27477358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FivePips/pseuds/FivePips, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandblitz/pseuds/jennandblitz
Summary: Sirius and Remus' point of views during the first part of Teddy's story arc.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Rock 'n' Pole [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1452979
Comments: 93
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We will post two times a day, I'll post another chapter later this evening but starting tomorrow I'll try to make sure we do it before noon EST for the first and around four EST for the second.

Sirius let out a sigh as they sat on the sofa, grateful for the end of the day. Teddy had gone right up to her room as soon as they got home, and Sirius was sure it wasn’t just their own brain telling them something was off with her. Not to mention she had mentioned Eleanor, the snobby girl they disliked intently.

Remus was in the kitchen just finishing up, and Sirius turned in their seat, kneeling up to lean over the back of the sofa. “She is snobby though, isn’t she?”

“I mean, she was a few years ago. She might’ve changed,” Remus called back to them. “Wine?”

“Please caro.” Sirius bit their lip, sighing. “Yeah, she might’ve, but she might not, and I know Teddy is… ah, I don’t know.”

“One sec, let me get the wine.” They heard the refrigerator open then close and Remus puttering about.

“Okay okay,” they hummed back, sitting back on the sofa properly, then tucking one ankle against their thigh to stretch out their hip.

A few moments later, Remus came through with two glasses of wine. “I didn’t think you’d want to talk loudly about whatever  _ Teddy is _ .” He held out one to them.

Sirius took the glass, smiling up at him as they swapped legs. “Yeah, she probably has headphones in but who knows. I just worry, you know?”

“Yeah.” Remus sighed, taking a seat on the sofa. “I worry too. She’s going through a lot. She’s got no idea what she wants in life. It’s completely normal, but… I don’t know. It’s hard because things were never hard, I guess?”

“Yeah,” Sirius sighed, leaning against him as they took a sip of wine. “It’s hard, and I feel like it would only be harder not to have good support… she needs everyone around her right now but she’s pulling away.” They took another sip and shook their head. “Because she’s our bloody kid.”

“I know, she does need us… I wish I could just figure it all out for her.” Remus frowned before taking a drink.

“I wanna just snap my fingers and fix it.”

“Me too, she’s got us though, right? No matter what, we’re here for her. I still want to set Jordan’s house on fire.”

Sirius felt their jaw clench. “I don’t know what the fuck he was thinking. What a stupid decision? I… I’m so angry for her, still.”

Remus shifted, setting a hand on their leg. “I know, baby. He was an idiot, and I hate that he did that, but I get his thought process? I probably would have done something stupid like that before.”

“I suppose…” They covered his hand with theirs. “Thank god we didn’t meet at sixteen, huh?”

“Ha, yeah, I would have made some dumb choices. I did enough even though we met over a decade later.” Remus snickered before pressing a kiss to their temple.

“So did I, caro. But here we are.”

“And hopefully Teddy will be just as good as we are soon enough.” He wrapped an arm around them.

“Mm, I’m sure she will.” They cuddled up to him, pressing a kiss to his jaw.

Remus hummed, rubbed their back. “Maybe if she’s a snob, she’ll just not even give Teddy the time of day anymore.”

Sirius pulled a face. “Is it bad that I hope so?”

“No.” He laughed softly. “But we have to let Teddy figure it out, right?”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“Today was the first time she got out of the house for an extended period of time since the breakup. Maybe Eleanor will be a good friend, or she’ll find some decent friends since everyone else is about to be off to uni.” Remus took another sip.

Sirius sighed. “Yeah… and if it all goes badly, there’s always arson.”

“Oh yes, there’s  _ always _ arson.” He let out a snort of a laugh.

When Teddy went off to London to hang out with Eleanor, Sirius couldn’t deny how worried they were. It was strange, because Remus was usually the worrier, but they were giving him a run for his money. The whole weekend they had been glued to their phone… apart from a few hours where Remus had their hands otherwise occupied, and when Remus went to pick Teddy up from the station, Sirius had to come along.

Teddy looked far less than pleased when she climbed into the back seats, though. She looked tired and hungover and Sirius would think she’d had a great weekend if it weren’t for the company she was keeping. 

“Hi piccolina!”

“Hey Pada, Dad.” She looked to melt into the seat, pushing up her sunglasses.

“Hi annwyl, did you have a good time?” Remus had a knowing look on his face. It was amazing that he wasn’t so anxious about Teddy’s new friend, nor that fact she was now hungover and looking grumpy.

“Yeah, why’d you both come pick me up?” The laugh at the end of the question didn’t hide the fact that Sirius could hear her annoyance.

Sirius shot Remus a confused look before turning in their seat to peer at Teddy. “Because we miss our kid.”

A frown deepened on her face. “I’m not a kid.”

“I know you’re not a kid, you’re nineteen, but we can still miss you even if you’re just away for a weekend.” They tried to keep the worry off their face, and the slight hurt at the fact she’d spoken so sharply. Was she turning into a rebellious teen a few years later than expected?

Teddy nodded, pulling her legs up onto the seat as she bit her lip. God, she looked so much like them both some days. “Sorry.”

Sirius couldn’t stand to see her looking so glum. “Someone seems a little touchy. Hungover?”

“Kind of.” She put her chin on her knees. “I just want to get home and sleep. I had fun with Eleanor though.”

“What’d you two do?” Remus asked Teddy, glancing at Sirius.

“She showed me around her neighborhood and I met some of her friends. We went to a bar last night.” There was something in her tone that Sirius couldn’t put a finger on.

“I’m glad you had a good time, Teddy.”

“Me too, we just want you to be okay and do what you need to right now.” Sirius smiled, reaching back to pat Teddy on the knee. “Did you buy anything good?”

“I don’t always have to shop,” Teddy said, shaking her head. Sirius bit their lip at her tone and pulled their hand back, torn between telling her off or just letting it slide.

“Teddy, your Pada is just talking. You don’t have to be so sharp with them. I understand you’re hungover, but I’m not a fan of the tone.” Remus’ own tone was stern, and something that rarely had to come out with Teddy.

“Sorry. I didn’t buy anything, it was all too bloody expensive.” Teddy’s voice softened, and she seemed to shrink into her seat more.

Sirius looked at her a moment longer, trying to figure out what was wrong, trying to figure out what had happened because they had the sinking suspicion London wasn’t what she said it was. “That’s what happens in London, hmm?”

“Yeah.”

Remus let out a soft noise, his hand gripping the steering wheel a little tighter. Sirius put their hand on his knee, squeezing slightly, but otherwise kept quiet. The rest of the car ride was stifling, and it continued when they got home, because Teddy made a beeline to her room without another word.

Sirius slumped against the hallway wall, then sank down to pet Bucky before he ran off to Teddy. Remus leaned back against the door, watching them, a clouded look across his features.

“Well… that went well,” Sirius said with a sigh, looking up at him.

“I don’t… I’m not sure what to say.” He crossed his arms. “She’s never acted that way with us.”

Sirius shook their head. “I know it’s just… late-blooming teenage angst, I guess? But… I don’t know, Remus, something doesn’t feel right.”

“I agree. Something is… I don’t know. She looks more than hungover.”

“I didn’t mean to make her snap?”

“You did nothing wrong, don’t think that you did.” Remus held his hand out to them.

Sirius took his hand with a little sigh of relief, pulling themselves up to standing. “Okay, thank you,” they hummed, wrapping their arms around his waist.

“I’m nervous for her.” He pulled them close.

“Me too. I just… we have such a good found family here, and I don’t want her getting into trouble with people she doesn’t really know.”

Remus nodded, kissing their forehead. “We’ll be here for her even if she’s got this late angst going on.”

“That’s all we can do, I guess,” they said, squeezing their arms around him.

“Maybe you were right to be concerned about Eleanor.” Remus huffed, looking away.

“I do think she’s a snob… I get that… god, this is awful, I get that vapid instagram influencer vibe from her, you know? I sound like Mary.”

“Ha, I get that too. I may have internet stalked the girl and some of her friends.” He grimaced.

Sirius bit their lip. “Mmmmm, maybe I did too?”

“Are we being awful? She’s an adult.” Pulling back a little, Remus tugged Sirius towards the living room.

“Maybe? I don’t know. I didn’t think we were that protective, but I guess it’s just when she’s not with people we know and trust?” Sirius sat on the arm of the chair, toeing their shoes off. “I don’t know the parent-y thing to do here? My role models were severely lacking.”

“I don’t know, maybe we could talk with my mam or something? I really have no fucking clue what to do.” Remus dropped onto the cushions, his feet going to the coffee table.

“Yeah… I have a suspicion your mam would just tell us to trust the universe to guide her…” With a sigh, Sirius flopped back into the cushions, wriggling up to put their head on Remus’ thigh.

“I don’t know, she gives good advice when needed. Mare’s usually the one to tell us to go with the universe or something equally cryptic.” Fingers settled into their hair.

“Mmm, true. Maybe we can call her later.” Sirius’ eyes fluttered shut, content for just a moment. Whatever happened, Remus and Sirius were a team, and they would be there for Teddy, no matter what.


	2. Chapter 2

Pulling up to the studio, Remus turned off the engine after cracking the windows open. He could see his son sprinting down the street, in a rush to catch the train no doubt. There was a little voice in his head insisting on going after him, and telling Teddy that he had to stay home. Of course he couldn’t, Teddy was an adult now. Something was wrong though, he had never acted this way before. He was being short with both Remus and Sirius, spending most of his time home locked away in his room. When he got home from London the week before, there was some sort of shift in him that Remus couldn’t quite understand.

Today Remus and Sirius were going to chat with his mam about what was going on before going climbing. They needed some advice on what to do because they were both at a loss. Teddy had never given them a hard time. The worst was the whole fiasco when Jordan lived with them briefly, but even that was nothing. This situation was completely different.

After being parked for only a few moments, Sirius appeared at the passenger door, pulling it open before climbing in. “Hi caro,” they huffed, leaning over to kiss his cheek before flopping back into the seat.

“Hi, love.” He returned the kiss, studying them. “All right?”

“Teddy. He was so short with me, I asked if he wanted a lift seeing as we’re going that direction to climb and he just kept brushing me off.” Sirius rubbed their hand over their face, sighing again. “I said  _ you’re not yourself _ and he just said there was no need to worry about him.”

Remus groaned, putting a hand over his face. “Christ.”

“I’m just worried something is going to happen, and he’s so closed off, we wouldn’t have a clue.”

He dropped his hand, turning to look at Sirius. “Did you have any sort of conversation at all?”

“It was very one sided. I said that if he needed us, we would come get him, no matter what, and to be safe. All I got in return was  _ I know, Pada, I’m not stupid Pada, I thought you weren’t going to force me to talk, Pada. _ ”

Shaking his head, Remus looked out the window. “Think we can still get him before he takes the train?” He was only half joking. “He’s too much like me, being in his head.”

Sirius smiled sadly, taking his hand. “He’s wonderful like you, but he’s as stubborn as us both, and is… he’s fucking lost, isn’t he? And we can’t get him back, he has to find his own way.”

That thought shattered Remus. They always swore that they wouldn’t let Teddy get hurt in the different ways they did, and it felt like that was happening. “Yeah, he does, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop being on top of him.”

“Yeah, we’ll stay right here.”

“Not right  _ here _ , because I want to see mam before we head to climb.” Remus squeezed Sirius’ hand.

They let out a laugh, rolling their eyes. “No, no, I want to sit in the car outside my work all weekend until Teddy is back,” they said, dripping with sarcasm.

“Yeah, thought you might. Figured you wouldn’t want to watch me climb or get dinner or have me take care of you later.” He snickered, leaning over to kiss them softly on the lips. They lingered as he did, smiling.

“Absolutely not. Sounds terrible.”

“I figured, you hate all of those things.” With one more squeeze of their hand, Remus dropped it to turn the engine on.

“Detest them, intently.” Sirius leaned against the window, watching him with a smile.

“I’m sure you’re not looking forward to me taking my shirt off today.”

They hummed in thought. “Mmm that one, maybe.”

“Just maybe, sure.” Remus laughed as he started driving in the direction of his mam’s place.

“Sure, sure. Definitely not entirely devoted to you in every way and ready, willing and able to take one for the team and watch you climb, topless, or get dinner with you, or let you look after me all night or do all manner of heinously filthy things to and/or with me.”

He rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah? Maybe we’ll just spend the whole day with Mam and Richard.”

Sirius laughed. “Whatever you like, caro. I’m definitely not looking forward to anything, remember?” 

“Of course, princess.”

The rest of the way, Sirius played a soft playlist after they stopped teasing one another. As much as he wanted to have fun with them today, all he was thinking about was Teddy. Hopefully his mam could help out with some decent advice. Hopefully they could take their mind off everything.

When they got to Hope and Richard’s house, Remus and Sirius went inside without knocking. He never knocked, just shouted as he arrived. “We’re here, Mam!”

“Through here, dears,” his mam’s voice called from the dining room. It smelt like her fantastic scones, making Remus’ stomach rumble.

Sirius toed their shoes off by the door before they went through. “Hi Hope, hi Richard!”

“Hi you two,” Richard replied as Remus kicked his own shoes off.

“Do I smell scones?” Remus asked before tugging Sirius along.

“You do! Not long cooled.” Hope appeared in the doorway to hug Remus.

Remus dropped Sirius’ hand to hug his mam tight. “Thanks for letting us drop in.” He huffed as she squeezed him tight.

“Of course, dear! Come on, I’ve just made a pot of tea too.”

Remus nodded, heading through to the dining room where Richard was sat at the table. “Hi Richard.”

“Remus, are you doing okay?” He asked, standing up to give him a quick hug hello.

“Ah, been better.” He took a seat.

“Hey Richard,” Sirius said, hugging him before they slipped into the seat beside Remus.

“Yes, what’s been going on, hm?” Hope sat down and poured them all tea. There were already four mugs out.

Glancing over at Sirius, Remus took a deep breath. “It’s Teddy. You know he’s been down after Jordan broke up with him, but now things are… I can’t even explain it.”

“Worse than down,” Sirius pitched in. “It’s like he’s having some latecoming teenage angst, doesn’t want anything to do with us, won’t talk to us at all.”

“Oh, it does sound like it.” Hope sighed, passing them both a mug of tea.

Remus shifted in his seat. “He’s shutting us out completely. It’s like we can’t do anything right.”

“I’m sure you can do plenty right, Remus.” She shook her head. “Just because you didn’t have some strong sort of rebellion, doesn’t mean Teddy going through one means you’re not doing things right.”

Of course she knew that was what he was worried about. “Yeah, I know, but it feels like it’s wrong.”

Sirius bit their lip, taking a sip of their tea. “Yeah, I thought we had it all sorted… but he’s in London with this snobby girl I don’t like at all, and it’s just concerning…”

Richard let out a soft laugh. “Sorry, I was just thinking about my girl.”

Remus looked at Richard as he picked up his tea. Melanie lived in the States, so they didn’t see much of her at all, and Remus didn’t exactly feel like he had a step-sibling. She was nice enough, but they were just friendly. “Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah. When she was a teen she started hanging around with this group of mean girls. They were terrible to one another.” He shook his head.

“What’d you do about it?”

The corners of his lips turned down. “Had to let her get hurt.”

Sirius winced next to him, setting their tea down. “I don’t like that.”

“I don’t either. He’s just not himself at all, and it just feels like everyday he keeps pulling back more and more.” Remus’ hand went to Sirius' leg. They laced their fingers with his, squeezing slightly.

“I know, but I think it’s part of growing up, really?” Richard took a bite of his scone, grimacing.

“I don’t know that you really had a rebellious phase, Remus John. You smoked my weed and went out to protests but… well, I suppose there wasn’t much to rebel against.”

Thinking back to his childhood, he couldn’t think about a point where his mam and dad put up any sort of barrier that he wanted to tear down. They were always so open, which Remus thought he and Sirius had done with Teddy. There was enough room to be free, there were just certain expectations like being safe and doing the work you had to do. “Yeah, there wasn’t really. I never thought we gave Teddy anything to rebel against either.”

Richard sighed. “So… so maybe he’s having to find his own things to rebel against?”

“I’d rather he didn’t…” Sirius huffed a little laugh, rubbing their hand over their cheek. “I’d just… I don’t know, I don’t want to push him away.”

“Me either. I’m afraid that anything we do is just going to give him a reason to push back, but I don’t want to not be pushing.”

Hope let out a sigh. “If there were solid answers for you, I would give them.”

Sirius squeezed his hand, chuckling. “That’s what I feel like when you tell me to push you.”

“So we keep pushing? That’s what I want, but I -- I don’t know.” Remus rubbed his face. This was so frustrating.

“I… I usually push, and then something breaks? But… but I don’t want there to be a break with Teddy. We swore we’d look after him.”

Remus shook his head. “God, I don’t want anything to break.”

“You are looking after him, don’t think you’re not. You two are wonderful parents, don’t doubt yourselves.” Hope reached over to pat Remus on the hand.

“Right. You’re fantastic parents, and Teddy will be okay. Look at Melanie, huh? Got her life all figured out.” Richard gestured with his teaspoon.

“Yeah, that’s true.” That didn’t make Remus feel any better. “We’ve got him this far.”

“Exactly.”

After some scones and tea, Remus and Sirius left Hope’s with just a bit of confidence. As much as he wanted some solid direction, it was good to hear they were doing the right thing for now. They decided to still go climbing to take their minds off of everything. Going out to their favorite spot, where they had their first (second) date and they got engaged, was always a good mood lifter when they both needed it. Spending a few hours on the rocks and relaxing in the sun with Sirius put Remus in a better mood. Even though watching Sirius not on ropes -- even after so many years -- stressed Remus out a bit, it was amazing to see them scaling the cliffs.

When they were done, they headed back home with mac and cheese and some wine. Remus had a plan to just eat, drink, and spend the rest of the night taking care of Sirius. “You know what we should do?” Remus asked as he carried their bags into the house.

“Mmm, what?” Sirius shut the door behind them.

“Eat this in the bath.”

Sirius grinned. “Oh, yes please. That sounds wonderful.”

“Perfect.” Remus kissed them on the cheek. “Why don’t you go make it and I’ll bring everything up?”

“Yes Daddy,” they hummed, dropping a kiss on his lips before they started up the stairs.

Once he had everything together on the tray they used for the bath and letting Bucky out for a bit, Remus headed up to their bedroom. He wanted to have a quiet night with Sirius, and not let anything bother them. They couldn’t do anything for Teddy right now, could they?

“Here we are.” Remus walked into the bathroom.

Sirius was sat on the edge of the tub in just the leggings they’d gone climbing in, with something wonderful smelling in the water as it ran. “Hi.”

“Hi, princess.” He set the tray down, kissing them before he straightened up.

They bit their lip as he stood up. “I… it’s okay that we’re having time to ourselves, isn’t it? Even though Teddy is in London?”

Remus frowned because he had the same thoughts. “There’s nothing we can do with him, is there? When he’s not here…”

“Yeah, that’s true.” Sirius smiled, wrapping their arms around his hips. “Oxygen mask theory,” they continued, voice a little muffled with their cheek pressed against his stomach. “We have to look after ourselves so we can help him better.”

“Exactly.” Remus combed his fingers through their hair. “We’d be useless if we waited here all night only thinking about how to fix things or what he’s doing.”

They hummed in agreement. “So the best thing we can do is get in the bath, eat our mac and cheese, drink our wine, and have a nice night ourselves.” 

“1,000% yes.” He nodded. “So out of your leggings and into the bath.”

Sirius sat back with a smirk on their lips. “I saved them, in case you wanted to take them off with your teeth.”

He chuckled, pulling them up to their feet. “Sounds perfect.” Remus gave them a soft kiss on the lips before kneeling down in front of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no we did not switch before the smut, there is no smut in the next chapter fyi haha


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: THE TITLE TO THIS STORY HAS CHANGED FROM THE PRESSURE'S ON TO THE WEIGHT OF HIS ANCHOR

Sirius was on what had to be their sixth cup of coffee, and the third pot overall. They hadn’t drank it all themselves, but a pot of it went before Remus even woke up. They couldn’t shake the strange feeling in their stomach, so they had been up early, though now it was midday, and they hadn’t heard a peep from Teddy.

He was meant to be getting the 14:15 train home, and he should have been on it right now, but nothing. They turned their phone over in their fingers, looking at the messages.

_ Teddy, where are you? _

They bit their lip, foot tapping beneath the table. Shit, what if he wasn’t okay? “Come on, piccolino.”

“Yeah, thanks Al. I’ll let you know. Love you too. Bye.” Remus sighed hanging up. “Longbottoms have heard nothing.” He set his phone down before starting to chew at his fingernails.

“Fuck, Remus.” Sirius ran their hands through their hair. “What if he’s not okay, Remus? We don’t even know where Eleanor lives, do we?”

Remus shook his head. “I -- he’s got to be okay. He has to.”

They were determined not to cry, picking up their phone and putting it down again when there was no reply. “Fuck.”

“I know.” He shifted to wrap an arm around them. “We can go down to London. I think I remember the name of a coffee shop he mentioned.”

“Yeah, we can look on Instagram, maybe?” Sirius picked up their phone again, tapping a quick text to Teddy. He hadn’t seen all the others, but they just had to keep trying  _ something _ .

_ I love you piccolino, whatever is going on we can take care of it _

Remus kissed their shoulder. “What are we going to do when he comes home?”

“I… talk to him? I don’t know… just something?” Sirius sniffed again.

He rubbed soft circles on their back. “We’ll do whatever we can. I wish -- wish I could make you both feel better.”

“I know. You look after us so well. You make me feel better, caro, always. I’m just… it’s not like him to not answer his phone for this long?”

Remus nodded, still holding them close. “I know.” He picked up his phone, not moving the hand on their back.

_ We’re worried. Please just let us know you’re alright _

Sirius sighed again, leaning into Remus and trying to let his presence reassure them. Neither of them moved as they watched their phones. Every so often, Remus would pick his phone up and call Teddy, but there was never a response. They both nearly jumped out of their skin when a text  _ finally _ came through for both of them.

“Oh my god,” Sirius breathed, taking a hand through their hair. 

_ Heading home in an hour. Lost my phone _ .

“Jesus fuck.” They heard the sharp intake of breath from Remus next to them.

Sirius put their head on the table. “Fucking hell. I… Jesus.”

“He’s okay.” Remus wrapped both arms around them and held them tight. “He’s coming home.”

“Can we get him from the station?” They forced themselves to take some big breaths, forehead still pressed against the table. 

“As if I’m going to let him get home any other way.” Remus’ weight still did not move off of them.

“Yeah,” Sirius agreed, feeling for his hand so they could lace their fingers. “God that scared the fucking life out of me.”

“Me too. Shit.” Remus squeezed their hand.

At the station, both Sirius and Remus were jittering with nerves. The station at Godric’s was small enough to see every train pull in, and Sirius watched the flood of people getting off the most recent train, looking for Teddy’s curls.

“There he is, Jesus…” Sirius breathed, watching Teddy head for the bus stop at the opposite side of the station. “Ah… going for the bus stop?”

Remus frowned before starting the car. “What the hell?”

“Go round to the bus stop caro,” Sirius murmured, glancing at their phone to check if Teddy had text them.

“I’m going.” Remus was already driving in that direction. “Did he ever text us?”

“No… just that first one saying he’d lost his phone.”

Remus made an annoyed noise as he pulled up to the bus stop. Teddy’s eyes went a little wide when he noticed the car. Sirius undid their belt and got up before Remus had really stopped the car.

“Piccolino,” they said, hugging him tightly. “You scared the shit out of us.”

“I left my phone behind at the club.” Teddy  _ sounded _ hungover.

Sirius bit their lip, holding onto him. “I’m sorry but I don’t believe you.”

Teddy’s brow furrowed, letting out a huff. “Why? I was pissed and I left it on the table. I got up late and I didn’t get to the club to pick up until--”

Sirius couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Teddy, what’s the matter? Please?” They pulled back, hands on his arms. God, he looked so hungover and Sirius wanted to make him feel better.

“I didn’t mean to worry anyone.” Teddy tried to get out of their grip. They let him, sighing.

“Well, you worried us, everyone.”

“I didn’t realize everyone would know.” He looked down at his feet.

“Come on,” they sighed, stepping back and opening the back door. “Get in the car before we get a ticket for being in the bus lane.”

When they got into the car, Remus muttered a hello to Teddy. Sirius could see all over his face that he was upset and angry. Teddy settled into the back seat, not saying another word.

Sirius couldn’t just let it lie, though. They turned around to look at him again. “Whatever it is, you can tell us.”

There was an annoyed look in his eyes before he even opened his mouth. “I told you, I left my phone at the club because I was drunk. I’m sorry I worried anyone. It was stupid of me.” The whole spiel sounded as if it had been rehearsed on the train.

Sirius sighed. “Teddy—”

“Pada, you told me you wouldn’t force me to talk. Why are you trying to force me to talk when there’s nothing to talk about? I made a drunken mistake.” He crossed his arms, a sharp tone to his voice. 

They tried not to let his interruption sting a little. “We know that you’re not okay. We just want our Teddy, you know?”

“I’m not a child.” The eyeroll was a new level of sass for the conversation.

“You’re still our son, piccolino.” Sirius felt like they were fighting a losing battle.

“You didn’t have to call and text so much. If I didn’t live with you it wouldn’t matter.”

Remus was still stony silent as he drove them home. Sirius put their hand on his knee, glancing to him before looking back to Teddy with a concerned frown.

“We’d still talk, I hope.”

“Not every bloody hour,” he snapped.

Sirius let out another breath. “No, but if you were having a tough time we’d check in a lot.”

“I don’t need you to check in every fucking--”

“ _ Enough _ .” Remus’ voice startled them. It was harder than ever. “That’s enough Teddy, I’m done with this fucking attitude that you’re carrying around.”

“I don’t have an attitude!”

“You have fucking something and it’s not what you usually have. I’m sick of you talking back to Sirius when they’re trying to help.” His knuckles were white from gripping the wheel.

“Trying to help? They--”

“Are doing their best not to intrude into your life even though something is wrong. Yet, you’re sounding like a brat. We raised you better.” Remus’ eyes stayed on the road even though they were at a light.

“I’m trying to tell you that nothing is wrong and I’m fine.”

Sirius looked at Teddy a moment longer, hunched down in his seat and looking as if he were trying to just disappear. They couldn’t think of anything to say, so they just turned back in their seat and kept their hand on Remus’ knee the whole silent drive back home.

When they got in, Remus went upstairs to talk to Teddy. He barely said a word to Sirius before going off to the stairs. To chat with their son.

“I’ll order food,” they said softly, trailing into the kitchen a little absently. Only, their coffee mugs from this morning were still there, so Sirius turned on their heel and sat on the sofa instead.

They ordered Teddy’s usual, too, despite him saying he wasn’t hungry. He could have it tomorrow, or something. Sirius was just glad he was home.

After ordering food, they sent a quick text to the group chat between all the adults, letting them know Teddy was back home. They had all been texting him too, just in case he hadn’t wanted to talk to his parents specifically. But at the moment it just felt like Teddy didn’t want to talk at all. Sirius had no idea what they were meant to do in a situation like this.

Not long later, Sirius heard Remus’ footsteps on the stairs then a moment later he came through to the living room. The tension in his shoulders seemed to have gotten worse instead of better.

Sirius frowned, going to stand up. “Caro, what happened?”

“He said he’d move out and I… I didn’t tell him to. I don’t want him to do that. But he…” Remus trailed off, shaking his head.

That felt like a punch to the stomach. Sirius crossed over to Remus and wrapped their arms around him. They didn’t know what to say. What could they say to that? “I don’t either…”

“I told him we’d help and he said that he was going to figure it out and be an adult.” He sniffled, burying his face in their shoulder. “I fucked up and got mad and told him to let us know when he needed a hand with the boxes.”

“Oh caro, you didn’t fuck up. I would do the same and you know it.” Sirius ran their hands through his hair, scratching their nails softly over his scalp. “I… maybe we can talk him out of it when emotions are… less?”

Remus didn’t answer, he just nodded, holding tight to Sirius. “I don’t understand why…”

“I know, me neither caro.” They kissed his temple, holding him tight. They sniffed a little, trying not to cry themselves at the big rush of emotion over the last twelve hours.

“He’ll be okay.” He lifted his head to look at Sirius.

“Yeah?” They took a breath, reassured by Remus’ assertions.

“He’s got to be.”

Sirius nodded. “We’ll make sure?”

Remus brought one hand up to wipe away his tears. “Yeah, we will.”


	4. Chapter 4

The last few weeks had been terrible in the Lupin-Black household. Remus never thought things with Teddy would ever get so bad. They were barely speaking to each other. When they did, it was so snippy. Teddy was acting so not herself, she was some sort of clone that was just all wrong. The Teddy Remus knew wouldn’t push everyone that cared about her away. Everything was a complete and utter mess.

Today, Remus decided to be nice and do Teddy’s laundry. She’d barely had any time to do any between working at the studio and going off to London every chance she had. Surely she was doing her best to stay out of the house, Remus thought as he started to sort through her clothes. Maybe she’d think of it as some sort of peace offering, and they could all actually have dinner together and watch a movie or something when she and Sirius got back from the studio. They hadn’t had a movie night in so long.

Checking pockets became important after Teddy left some markers in her jeans once, causing the biggest laundry disaster Remus had ever dealt with. Sirius was so upset that one of their favorite skirts got ruined. Instead of finding pens in the pocket of her jeans, Remus pulled out a plastic baggie. When he grabbed it, his brain didn’t really think it was anything bad. Maybe just a wrapper or something. No…

“Jesus fuck.” Remus looked down at the baggie in his hand less than half filled with a white powdery substance. For a long moment his brain went blank, his ears rang.  _ Shit _ . No, there’s no way that this was Teddy’s. They always talked about drugs and safety and... 

On autopilot, Remus texted Sirius with his hands shaking. He just needed Sirius there and they could figure it out together.

**I need you home.**

_ I’ll get an Uber, _ Sirius text back only a few seconds later.  _ What happened? _

**I’m not sure, but we need to talk. I’m okay… I mean physically? I’m not in danger and Bucky is fine**

_ You’re scaring me. Uber’s here in three minutes _

God, that seemed like such a long time but it was shorter than if Remus went to go pick them up.  **Okay. It’s about Teddy**

_ Fuck. Okay. Jesus I’m sorry I’m at work.  _

**She’s there, right?**

_ Yeah. Teaching the junior class for another hour. _

**Okay. I love you**

_ I love you so much _

Remus couldn’t wait for them to get back. He held on tight to his phone, pacing between the living room and the front hall. Bucky was watching him from his bed, his eyes following him like a tennis umpire. In the kitchen the little baggie sat on the table, not watching to hold on to it. It felt so heavy. Thankfully the Uber pulled up after what felt like an eternity, and Remus was opening the front door before Sirius had even got out of the car.

“Remus,” they said, practically tumbling out of the car with a hurried thank you to the driver, before running up the path and wrapping their arms around him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know how to say it over text and I didn’t know what to say on the phone.”

“Okay, okay.” Sirius held onto him. “I’m glad I’m home. What happened?”

“I was doing laundry, and I decided to do Teddy’s.” Remus had no clue how to tell Sirius as he led them in, not letting go either. “I found… I think it’s cocaine. I…”

They made a little choked noise, looking at him with wide eyes. “What? Oh fuck… Jesus.”

“I don’t know what to do. I’m -- I wasn’t looking around for it…” She was going to accuse Remus of snooping through her stuff. They had been so distant lately, how else could it go?

“I know you weren’t,” Sirius said absently. “Even if you were, I… well, we talk to her? We… we get rid of it after, because I don’t want it in the house… but… I don’t know.”

“Of course, I don’t understand. We had plenty of conversations about this. She knows how dangerous these things can be.” Remus brought them to the kitchen.

“I know, we didn’t shy away from talking about it and it’s not like we’re strict, we smoke together for God’s sake.” Sirius went to sit at the table, but stopped short. “Jesus fuck, Remus, I don’t…”

Remus put a hand over his face unsure of what to do or say. “I’m so -- I’m just in shock. I know things haven’t been good but I’m, I don’t know.”

Sirius nodded haltingly. “Me too. I… she’s in class for another half hour… and I need to shower. Come upstairs with me, sit with me?”

“Of course.” Remus didn’t have plans on being anywhere but with Sirius at the moment. His mind was spinning and Sirius always managed to stop it from spiraling one way or another. “Come on.”

“Good. I don’t wanna be by myself, don’t want you to be either.” They took his hand, kissing his knuckles as they started for the stairs.

Remus paused. “Hang on, let me put the -- the baggie out of Bucky’s reach.” He kissed them on the cheek before darting back to the table quickly.

“Jesus, okay.” Sirius sighed, staying at the foot of the stairs. It seemed like they didn’t want to be anywhere but with him either.

Once the baggie was put out of the dog’s reach, Remus went back to Sirius and took their hand. “We need to get her some help.”

“Yeah. Maybe I’ll text Poppy? See if she has any recommendations?” Sirius was worrying their bottom lip with their teeth.

“That’s good. She hasn’t seen Minnie in a while.” Remus stayed close as they got to their bedroom.

“She hasn’t wanted to, has she?” Sirius went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. “She got her bury the head in the sand when something is wrong from both of us, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just in shock. I don’t -- never did I think this would be a problem.” Remus let go of Sirius’ hand to help them out of their clothes.

“Me neither… I thought… I don’t know. I hate that I’m even thinking this and it makes me want to throw up but I thought she was fucking smarter than this.”

Remus nodded, pulling off their shirt. “I know things have been hard, but… I don’t know. I just…” He went for their shorts, hooking his fingers around the waistband.

“We have to see what she says.” Sirius sighed, pushing their shorts down and stepping back a little. They kicked their underwear off, rubbing their hands over their face for a moment.

“Maybe it’s not her’s maybe…”

The look Sirius gave him said they didn’t believe that for a moment. They stepped into the shower, quickly starting to clean up. “Maybe.”

Remus didn’t believe it either, he thought as he leaned against the sink. “I’m texting her, telling her to come straight home.”

“Text Marlene,” Sirius said over the sound of the shower. “She’ll make sure Teddy doesn’t just not check her phone or something.”

“Okay, I will.” Remus had no clue how he was managing to do anything at all. What was he even going to say to Teddy when she got in? Everything felt fake to him. “All set.”

After only a few moments Sirius shut the water off, but stayed standing in the shower, one hand on the tiles, head bowed. “Good.”

“Love, what do you need?” Remus set his phone aside, moving closer to the shower. He wanted to help them because he knew he could manage to make them feel a little better somehow.

They shook their head. “I need to make sure Teddy is okay,” they said thinly, before clearing their throat. “Can you pass my towel, please?”

“Yeah.” Remus held the towel out for them. “Here, love.”

Sirius took the towel and bundled up in it, burying their face in the fabric. “I woke up so fucking dysphoric today and everything feels wrong and now my baby is doing cocaine and—Jesus, fuck.”

Remus’ heart managed to break even more. “Can I hug you?”

“Please.”

It didn’t take anymore for Remus to move and wrap his arms around them, not caring that they were still wet from the shower. “I want to fix it for you and Teddy.”

“I know,” Sirius said, their voice all muffled. “You always do.”

“We’ll fix it.” He pressed his lips to their temple.

Remus felt Sirius nod against his chest. “I’m mad that I’m so dysphoric too. Like, hello, can I not drown in hatred about my flesh prison please? I have important things to do? My kid is—” They trailed off, waving a hand.

Tears welled up in Remus’ eyes. “Fucking flesh prison.”

Sirius sniffled. “Useless fucking flesh prison.”

“I love your flesh prison even when it’s being shit.”

“I’m glad someone does,” they murmured, taking a deep breath. “Can I have your shirt? I would like to be a genderless, formless, parenting whizz of a blob tonight, please.”

Remus stood up straight. “Yeah, of course. Whatever you need.” He cleared his throat, going into the bedroom with his arms wrapped around them still.

“I thought that might at least surprise a chuckle out of you, parenting with a genderless, formless blob that knows how to deal with rebellion.”

“As witty and funny as that thought could be, I think it’s going to get more to get any sort of laugh out of me right now.” He brought them to the bureau.

“Yeah… had to try, didn’t I?” Sirius shot him the tiniest smile as they hurriedly dried off.

Remus forced a smile back to them before digging around for one of his baggiest shirts. He handed it over before looking for their comfiest sweats. “Here you go.”

“Thank you,” they murmured, pulling the clothes on before grabbing their towel and scrubbing it over their hair.

He sat on the edge of the bed, letting them dress themselves because they didn’t always like Remus touching them when they felt like this about their body. Hugs were normally fine, but everything else was iffy. Not to mention everything with Teddy.  _ Christ _ , what were they going to do about her? How did it even get this bad?

Sirius quickly got dressed, their shoulders slumped a little; they  _ looked _ uncomfortable, bless them. After they took a deep breath, they crossed over and flopped into Remus’ lap, curling up. “Fuck, what do we do?”

“I don’t know. I have no fucking clue and I hate it.” Remus’ arms went around them, and he pressed his forehead against their shoulder. “We’re here for her though. No matter what and we have each other.”

They nodded, cuddling up against him and letting out a breath. “Yeah, we can figure it out. If you say we can, I trust you.”

Remus hoped that he wasn’t going to blow it all up now or ruin things. He just wanted Teddy to be okay, and that would make Sirius feel better. “We just have to talk to her.”

“Time is it? She’ll be finished soon, won’t she?” Sirius’ voice was still muffled against the crook of his neck.

“We’ve got like ten minutes. Maybe we should make some tea or something.” He didn’t want to move just yet though.

“Yeah… spiked tea?” Sirius let out a dry little chuckle.

Remus snickered. “Maybe not.”

“Mm, probably a good idea.” Sirius huffed another sigh. “That was my go to coping method with dysphoria when we were in our twenties, huh?”

“Yeah, we’ve got better ways to deal with it now, don’t we?” Remus wondered maybe if Teddy just needed some better coping methods herself.

“Mhmm. Now we gotta help Teddy.”

“We’ll help, it’ll be okay. We just have to figure things out with her right now.” He ran his fingers down their back. “Then later we’ll have some drinks and a bath maybe?”

“That sounds good, yes please.” Sirius sniffed then took a deep breath in. “Okay, tea?”

“Tea. We got this.” He assured them.

Sirius dropped the lightest kiss on the corner of his mouth then climbed from his lap, padding towards the door.


	5. Chapter 5

Sirius couldn’t sit still. They were pacing in front of the kitchen table, where Remus sat, a cup of tea untouched on the table next to a baggie of white powder. They felt like they should sit next to him, but they couldn’t do it, pacing instead. Marlene had said Teddy was on her way home, and Sirius had rejected a call from her because they couldn’t say this over the phone, could they?

The front door opened and closed, and Teddy appeared in the kitchen doorway. Sirius paused and swallowed. “Do you need help, do you want…” They had no clue how to continue that sentence, no clue how to say any of it. “This is…”

“Not mine?” Teddy’s eyes kept flicking to the baggie. “Why did you go through my things? What an invasion of privacy.” She cringed as Remus looked up from where he had been sitting finally.

Sirius pressed their lips together, feeling something churning in their stomach. Helping Teddy with her laundry was an invasion of privacy? Even if they  _ had _ been going through her things--which Remus absolutely hadn’t been--it wouldn’t have been half as bad as anything else… Sirius had to pause for a moment not to just burst out with a list of every invasive thing their bio parents had ever done. 

“Teddy, piccolina, stop it. Just stop and sit down and talk to us properly.” They crossed over to her, letting out another breath. “We’re not the bad guys here.”

“You went through my things.” It sounded as if she was on the verge of tears.

Finally Remus did something -- said something. “I didn’t Teddy, I went to do your laundry because I was being nice, you know I do it for you from time to time. You’ve been working a lot recently so I thought I’d help you out. This was in the pocket of your jeans.” His voice was steady and strong, but Sirius knew under it he was not doing well.

“It’s not like I'm doing this all the time.” Teddy tried to step back. Sirius caught her around the wrist, determined not to let her run away. They glanced to Remus, trying to send him some reassurance when they didn’t feel like smiling.

“The fact that you’re doing this  _ at all _ is what I’m worried about. It’s been about two months since you started hanging out with these people and you’ve been a wreck since that first weekend in London.” Remus went to bite at his nails again.

Sirius turned back to Teddy, sighing softly. They kept a hold of her wrist, convinced she would make a run for the stairs otherwise. “This isn’t who you are, Teddy. Even after you and Jordan broke up, you were sad but something changed when you started going to London and hanging out with these people.”

“We get that everything you’re going through is hard. Trying to find your way in life after things get turned upside down is more than rough, we understand.” Remus leaned forwards towards Sirius and Teddy.

“How do you two understand?” Teddy snapped. “You have everything you want.”

Sirius’ stomach dropped and they let go of her hand. The slight bit of anger they’d been holding onto bloomed. “Excuse me, if you think that we have it easy, or didn’t go through any hardships when we were younger then you’re so wrong.” They swallowed to avoid the fact their voice was breaking. “Then we took a wrong fucking turn raising you, Teddy.”

The sound of the chair scraping across the floor pulled Sirius to look up to Remus again. The look on his face was the one he tended to get when his walls went up. Straight faced and tense. “What is wrong, Teddy? Why are you acting like this?”

“I should have moved out when I said I would.” She sniffed.

“Why didn’t you? Did you not have enough money or did you spend it all on coke?” Remus pointed to the bag.

“I’m not addicted to it or anything.” Teddy’s voice grew a little sharper, but the tears were still right on the edge.

“Maybe that’s why you’re so irritable lately,” Sirius said, running a hand through their hair. “Do you need to go to rehab? Do you need us…” They sighed, dropping their hand and frowning. “What do you need us to do?”

“I don’t need anything from you. You all care about Jordan still and he broke my heart.” She sniffled again and looked out the window. “I don’t know if you care--”

“We care, piccolina, we always care,” Sirius said, interrupting because they couldn’t hear Teddy say neither of her parents cared about her. “We would do anything for you.”

“But treat me like an adult. But leave Jordan behind. But let me be me.”

“We haven’t spoken to Jordan at all, Teddy. This here isn’t you either.” Remus’ brow was pinched.

Sirius made a little noise of protest. “He hurt my baby, I--”

“I’m not a baby!” Teddy threw her hands up, shouting at them. “I’m an adult, Pada, why don’t you seem to understand that? You always harped on Dad about it but now it’s different? I don’t understand.”

“Teddy,” Sirius tried, shaking their head. They wanted to scream. “If you just talked things out we could deal with this. Whatever you need, we’re here.”

“I don’t know, maybe we do treat you like a baby when you’re acting this way.” Remus’ jaw clenched and he folded his arms across his chest.

Teddy straightened up, looking resolute. “Fine. I’ll do the adult thing if you think I’m acting like a baby. I’ll leave and go live somewhere else.”

“Teddy…” Remus softened, taking a step forward.

Sirius’ heart plummeted. “That’s not what your Dad means,” they said, reaching for her.

“No, not at all, Teddy. You--”

“Maybe it’d just be better if I left because you’re both so annoyed with me right now and you’re treating me like a kid. It might just be better to go. I’ll go stay with Eleanor.” Teddy stood up straight as if she was trying to gathering some confidence.

“No.” Sirius wouldn’t let her go there, not to that horrible girl. “You’re not going there.”

“I’m not going there? Why not? I’m an adult, right? I can make my own choices.”

Remus’ hands went to his face. “Why don’t you just stay here and we can talk it out? If you’re so desperate to move out then we can find a way to help you out. We’ll look at what you have for money and places that are renting but--”

“Just let me do something on my own!” Teddy shouted.

Sirius winced. “Okay, fine, then go.” They gestured roughly to the door, trying to ignore the tears in their eyes. “If you really want to figure yourself out that way by running away from your life to make a point then do it. Figure yourself out on your own if you’re so desperate for it. We’re always going to be here for you, but if you don’t need us right now there’s nothing we can do.”

Remus didn’t say a word as he wrapped his arms around Sirius. They could hear Teddy going for the stairs. Sirius slumped against him, burying their face in the crook of his neck again. They tried for the briefest of moments not to cry, but it didn’t work and they let out a little sob, shaking their head.

“It’s okay,” Remus said, his voice cracking at the end.

“Sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tell her, I’m sorry,” Sirius rambled, sniffling. “I… I just couldn’t, I couldn’t.”

Remus didn’t answer but they could feel him nodding as he rubbed their back. Upstairs Teddy was moving around. Sirius sniffed again, squeezing their arms around his middle. 

“Fuck.”

“We can stop her,” he mumbled through tears.

Sirius pulled back, frowning softly. “Should we? Will she just resent us a thousand times worse… she’s convinced…”

“I -- I don’t know.” Tears streamed down Remus’ cheeks. “I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry caro,” they muttered, voice breaking as they wiped the tears beneath his eyes away.

“It’s not your fault.” He leaned into the touch. “I…”

“I snapped, and I shouldn’t have. I just… I want her to stay and be safe.”

“You didn’t do -- it’s not your fault,” Remus repeated before pulling them close again. Sirius wrapped their arms around him again, nodding as the tears welled up again. Now they’d started crying-- _ sobbing _ \--they couldn’t stop.

At some point they heard Teddy clamber down the stairs. They pulled away, hastily wiping their eyes as they turned towards the door.

“Teddy, we--”

The sound of the front door slamming cut them off and Sirius stopped dead in the kitchen doorway, letting out another sob. Remus’ arms were wrapping them up in an embrace again.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Sirius just shook their head, sobbing still. They had no idea how or why this had pushed at so many old wounds for them, all these awful parallels and how fiercely they and Remus loved Teddy and yet, here they were. 

“I wanna call my mam.”

“Yeah,” Sirius mumbled, wiping their eyes but it was sort of useless because they were still crying. “I don’t… I don’t know.”

“Me either.” Remus tilted his head back, taking a deep breath. “How… Christ, I don’t even know what to say.”

“I just… fuck, I need to sit down, but I wanna chase after her and drag her back here.”

“Me too.” He scrubbed at his face. “I don’t know what’s right.”

“Call your mam? I don’t… I wanna call… I don’t know, I--” All they could think of was how Regulus had ran away from their parents, and Sirius had been kicked out and ran off anyway. Were they as bad as their parents? Had they done this?

“Yeah, sit down.” Remus put a hand on their shoulder. Sirius nodded again, trailing around to the sofa before curling up in their usual corner.

After Remus went into the kitchen they could hear him on the phone, his voice all wobbly. They turned in their seat, looking through the kitchen doorway. They wanted to be there to hold his hand and support him, but they felt like they were inches away from falling apart themselves. They kept replaying the conversation over in their head, everything Teddy had said, how upset she had been with them for invading her privacy.


	6. Chapter 6

Remus held onto the countertop, trying to keep himself standing as the phone rang for his mam. He had just poured the cocaine down the sink, washing it away before throwing out the baggie. He was at a complete loss. Teddy had run away and Sirius was so devastated. Nothing made any sense.

“Hello, dear.”

“Mam,” Remus started but instead burst into tears.

“Oh goodness, Remus John. What’s wrong, what’s happened?”

“It’s Teddy. She -- she ran away and…” He couldn’t say anything else. “I don’t -- don’t know what to do.”

“Oh, oh I’m so sorry, cariad.” Her voice went a little muffled for a moment. “Richard! Where are the car keys?” She called, then returned to normal volume. “What happened? Where is she, do you… what do you need, Remus?”

“She’s going to London.” Remus took a deep breath, trying his best not to sob. “I just want -- I don’t know… you?”

“We’re on our way, so I’ll be right there, okay? Rowena is in London, isn’t she? Should I let her know what’s happening? She can look out for Teddy.” Remus could hear the sound of his mam moving about on the phone as she spoke, then the sound of a car engine.

Remus nodded, trying to gather himself to speak again. “Yeah, please let her know. She -- she’d be good for Teddy to talk to, right?”

“Absolutely, I’ll text her just now, cariad. Sit down a little.”

“Thank you.” Remus rubbed his face, surprised a little at how she was using his nickname so much right now. “Sirius…” He needed to sit with them, but he didn’t know how to fix it.

“Everything will be okay, Remus.”

He wasn’t sure about that at the moment. “Okay, the -- the door’s unlocked.”

“We’re only a few minutes away.” Remus could hear Richard in the background asking what had happened and what they could do.

“Okay. All right.” He took a shaky breath, his hand on the back of his neck.

“Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”

“No, I should go be with Sirius.” Taking another breath, Remus moved towards the living room.

“Alright dear, whatever you need.” Hope’s voice was so soothing.

“Thank you, love you.” He sniffled, seeing Sirius curled up on the sofa, their shoulders still shaking as they cried.  _ Fuck _ .

“Love you, love you both.”

Remus hung up before going over to the sofa, kneeling next to Sirius. “I’m sorry.” His fingers settled into their hair.

Sirius shook their head, sniffing. “What did--did your mam say?”

“She’s coming over.” Remus cleared his throat, resting against the sofa with his head on the cushion with Sirius. “We -- she’s going to need money.”

“Yeah, yeah, shit, I can transfer her some just now,” they murmured, patting around for their phone.

“Here, we’ll use my phone.” Remus handed it over to them.

Sirius nodded, still sniffling uselessly against the tears rolling down their cheeks as they tapped away. “I’ll just… I don’t want her to spend it on fucking  _ coke _ , oh god--” They cut themselves off with another sob.

Fuck, Remus wasn’t sure how his heart kept breaking into pieces more and more. “We -- I… yeah, I know but it’s better she has something.”

“Yeah, shit.” They sniffled again, tapping on his phone for a few more moments before they set it down. “Okay, done.”

Remus nodded, reaching for their hand. “I love you.” That was the only positive thought Remus could pull out his mind right now.

Sirius managed to nod before they started crying anew. “I love you too.”

“She’s probably still at the station if we want to go.” He squeezed their hand hard as the front door opened and Bucky gave a happy bark.

“Would it be worth it? To just drag her back?” Sirius hastily wiped their eyes.

Remus’ mam bustled into the room, Richard on her heels. “Hello dears, we’ll put the kettle on, hm?”

“Okay.” Remus shifted to watch her and Richard.

“I’m going to make us chicken pot pie.”

Remus nodded, not sure if he could stomach anything but at least they’d have left overs.

Sirius had their head back on the cushion, not watching at all. “Are we bad parents?” They whispered.

Before Remus could speak, his mam let out a sharp noise. “You are not bad parents, Sirius Lupin-Black. You care more for Teddy than anything in your lives.”

Remus tried to speak, but he was so afraid to open his mouth because the tears felt like they were going to break free again.

Sirius was practically chewing at their lower lip. “I… I know two people whose kids ran away from home or got kicked out and that’s my bio parents and I--I…” They trailed off, shaking their head before they buried their face back into the cushions.

He closed his eyes tight, moving to sit on the sofa with them. “I’m… that’s not the same.” The words were formed carefully on his lips in fear of breaking down again.

“Exactly, dear.” Hope put a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. 

Sirius flinched, curling up even smaller. “Sorry--sorry,” they choked out.

The tears started to flow down his cheeks again as he looked up at his mam, completely helpless. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

Hope smiled softly at him, moving her hand to his shoulder to squeeze slightly. “Remus is right, you don’t have to apologise.”

Sirius nodded haltingly, their shoulders still shaking. Remus rubbed their back, screwing his eyes shut. Everything felt out of control, and he didn’t know what to do. “She’ll come back.”

“She will, don’t worry. We’ll make sure of it, and we’ll keep her right,” Hope said, sounding so sure of it that Remus might believe her, just a little.

Remus tried to take another deep breath, but it felt like his lungs wouldn’t expand enough. “Should we -- I don’t know… maybe we should talk to someone.”

“Yes, but I don’t think either of you are in a state to tonight, are you?” His mam skirted around the sofa and sat next to him.

“No.” He took another shallow breath, keeping a hand on Sirius as he leaned into his mam.

“We’ll sort it all out tomorrow, I promise,” she said as Richard came into the room with a trayful of tea mugs.

“Tea, love, you should drink something.” He attempted to keep his voice nice and steady.

“That’s right, it’s important to stay hydrated.” Richard set the tray down.

Sirius sniffled then sat up. “Do we… do we have any of that cardamom tea from Effy?” Remus knew it was the stuff they drank, and James said he always made Sirius drink a gallon of it to make them feel better when they weren’t okay. 

“Yeah, we do.” Remus went to stand up but Hope stood up.

“I’ll get it. I know where your tea is.”

“Ah, I always forget about that stuff,” Richard said, giving Remus an apologetic look as he added milk and sugar to the other mugs.

“It’s all right, thank you.” Remus put a hand on Sirius’ leg. “Do you need anything else?”

They shook their head, their eyes red and puffy and their lips all bitten. “Just… just don’t go anywhere?” They said, so quietly Remus almost missed it, pressing their hand over his.

“I’m not, I’m right here.” Remus had no plans on going anywhere. He was going to have to take some time off work, but he knew Reg would have everything.

Sirius just nodded, sniffling again. Fuck, Remus wanted to just wave his hand, and have everything back in place. Sirius looked like how Remus felt, absolutely destroyed.

“Hope’s texted Rowena,” Richard informed them. “She said Teddy would be okay.”

“She always knows,” Hope said from the kitchen. “We’ll make sure the universe keeps her right.”

Normally, Remus didn’t put everything on the universe, but today he would trust anything to make sure Teddy would be okay. His mind was bouncing all over the place with what could happen. As much as he disliked Eleanor, he didn’t want Teddy to be alone so hopefully she’d go straight there. Hopefully nothing terrible would happen and she’d just come home after a day or two.

There was silence for a little while, apart from Hope in the kitchen and Sirius’ sniffles next to him. It felt wrong for the house to be so quiet, usually Teddy made her presence more than known. 

“Oh fuck, I have--I need--fuck, I have lesson plans to do for tomorrow,” Sirius said, half to themselves as they made another attempt at wiping their eyes.

“I’ll tell Marlene.” Remus reached for his phone.

“Neither of you are doing anything the next few days.” Hope shook her head as she had just come back in and Richard had gone off to make dinner.

“No, I need to go to work, I can’t--” Sirius shook their head, sniffling.

Remus held a hand up before going to text Marly. “You’re not going in, Sirius.”

“Remus,” they said sharply, but the effect was lost with the way their voice cracked. “I have to do  _ something _ .”

“We have things we can do here.” He tried to be gentle, knowing that being sharp with them was just not going to get anywhere.

Sirius sniffed sharply and rubbed a hand over their face before picking up their cardamom tea and taking a sip.

“We’ll talk to someone tomorrow.” Remus insisted, looking to his mam, realizing they didn’t say  _ why  _ Teddy had run off.

“I’m not sure who would be best, dear,” Hope said. “I’m sure there are advice places about having trouble with… well… I would say teens, and I suppose Teddy is still a teenager, but she’s an adult legally, isn’t she?”

“Yeah,” Remus whispered. “What about having someone who… who helps people with substance abuse?”

“Oh well then I suppose we’d all--oh.” His mam’s eyes widened. “Oh. I see. I… we can find someone.”

He looked down into his tea. “She’s been  _ off _ lately, going to London every weekend, and I did her laundry and found -- found a baggie of coke in her pockets.”

“Oh goodness,” was all Hope said for a moment. “We can find someone to talk to, cariad.”

Remus nodded, still not looking up to her yet. “I don’t understand how it got like this.”

“We rarely do.” She patted him on the knee.

“She’s never been like this before. I didn’t know… I don’t know.” He tried to take a deep breath again, but his chest seemed to tighten more. Christ, he was going to have an anxiety attack.

Surprising him a little, Sirius shifted closer to sit closer to him and took his hand, lacing their fingers together. They didn’t say anything, but they were looking at him like they knew just what he was thinking.

“It’s okay not to know, you both are great parents. Sometimes you can do everything you can and it still all goes wrong. The most important thing is that you keep trying.” His mam patted Remus’ knee.

“Yeah.” Remus took a sip of his tea.

Sirius squeezed his hand again. “Don’t go anywhere,” they said softly, but they meant for him, not for them.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He let out a shaky breath. Sirius nodded, tangling their foot with his.

“You’re doing all the right things,” Hope said.

“We are.” Remus closed his eyes. “Okay.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said, voice croaky.

He set his tea down and wrapped his arms around Sirius, burying his face in their shoulder. God, he wished he knew what he could do to fix everything.


	7. Chapter 7

Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, staring vacantly. They knew they needed to do something, needed to move or get into their pyjamas or go and let Bucky out or go and check the front door was unlocked just in case Teddy decided to come back, but they couldn’t make their feet move. It felt as if they had been on autopilot ever since Remus text them to come home, and it only got worse when Teddy came home after that. 

The evening had been a blur, Hope and Richard arriving, Richard cooking a dinner that Sirius was sure they only ate a few forkfuls of. They remembered cardamom tea and checking their phone obsessively in case Teddy changed her mind, and the nagging thought that maybe they were as bad as their bio parents after all.

“Here.” Remus held out some pjs to them.

“Oh, thank you.” Sirius took the pyjamas.

“Do you need help? More tea? Anything I can get you?” He asked, running his hands through his curls.

They shook their head, knowing Remus was struggling with this just as much as they were, and that only made them even more frustrated that they couldn’t break out of this and be the support Remus needed. “I just don’t… I don’t know what to do.”

“Sleep -- try to? Tomorrow we can call someone. Maybe we can go to London and try to find her.”

“Yeah.” Sirius had the horrid thought that maybe Teddy would be happier in London. They couldn’t decide what they were feeling, whether they were mad at Teddy for running away and saying everything she did, accusing Sirius and Remus of being overbearing and invading her privacy, or whether they were mad at themselves for pushing their child into thinking running away was a valid fucking option.

“I know you’re not going to sleep well, but we should try. Mam said she’s bringing over breakfast for us in the morning.”

“Okay.” Sirius finally managed to put the pyjamas down, pulling off Remus’ shirt and pulling the pyjama top on instead. It all seemed a little fruitless anyway, because they weren’t going to sleep and all the clothes were the same and none of them fit Sirius the way they expected them to in their head.

Remus trailed around, shutting the lights off before climbing into bed. “Tomorrow we’ll figure it out. We’ll -- we’ll do something.”

Sirius nodded again, sniffing. “I got so mad.”

“I don’t think there was anything we could have said to change things.” He reached over and turned on the fairy lights.

“I… I shouldn’t have told her to leave.”

“She was leaving anyway.” Remus shook his head, wrapping his arms around his pillow.

Sirius ran a hand through their hair, unable to gather the energy to bother changing their bottoms because they were in sweats anyway, and shuffled up the bed, bringing their legs up so they could rest their forehead on their knees.

“Do you want a cuddle?”

“Yes please,” Sirius said meekly, wishing they could just be the comfort Remus needed. “I’m sorry, I’m--I’m not, not here right now.”

“You are here.” He shifted behind them, and soon they felt his body curling around theirs.

“Yeah?” They cuddled back against him, trying not to think too much.

“Yeah. Try to sleep, love.” Lips pressed against their shoulder.

Sirius nodded and pressed their eyes shut, knowing they weren’t going to.

They were right, and morning came too slowly and too fast at once. They laid awake and watched the sun rise through the curtains they had forgotten to shut, not once hearing the door downstairs as if Teddy might’ve snuck back in at any moment. Eventually, Sirius gave up on attempting to sleep, and managed to slip out of Remus’ arms and head out of the bedroom.

As they paused on the landing, they noticed Teddy’s bedroom door was open, and amongst some of the things she’d left, Bucky lay on her bed, head resting on his front paws and looking completely forlorn that his best friend wasn’t here. Sirius sniffed back some more tears--Jesus, hadn’t they cried enough?--and went downstairs to make the largest pot of coffee possible.

Their phone was still in the pocket of their sweats, and Sirius pulled it out as they sat down at the kitchen table, waiting for coffee to brew.

_ We love you. Be safe _ , they texted to Teddy, ignoring the way their fingers were shaking.

Sirius wanted to call someone, but they didn’t know who. It was too early to wake anyone up, but being alone with their thoughts felt terrifying. All night they had been caught between it all, wondering how terrible a parent they were, then remembering vivid details of how badly their bio parents had treated them, and how that paled in comparison and how rich it was for Teddy to accuse them of not letting her do anything on her own.

They didn’t know how long they sat there, but they realised the coffee they eventually poured and drank half of had gone cold in their hands when a knock at the door jolted them back. They were out of their seat in a moment, wondering why Teddy wouldn’t have her keys with her and why she wouldn’t just come in.

“Piccolina, I--” Oh. James and Regulus were stood in the doorway, both looking tired as all hell. Sirius just bit their lip and failed at holding in another sob as James stepped in and hugged them tightly.

Soon enough they were back at the kitchen table and James had set another cup of cardamom tea in front of Sirius. 

“Lily’s looked up people you can talk to,” James informed them as he sat down next to Reggie.

“Yeah,” Sirius said softly, nodding. They didn’t know what else to say.

Regulus leaned his elbow on the table. “What else do you need help with? Where’s Moony?”

“Upstairs.” Sirius sipped their tea. “I don’t know… Kid, do you think… do you think they were sad when you ran away?”

Regulus’ frown deepened. “No, of course they weren’t. They were probably glad that I was gone since I didn’t want to go along with their bullshit anymore. This isn’t the same thing, Sirius.”

“Isn’t it?” God, they were sick of their voice cracking. “It feels… she said we were invading her privacy, and not letting her do anything for herself.”

James made a noise, shifting in his seat. “Teddy’s lost and thought she could find herself elsewhere, you weren’t lost, you were being hurt in your home. Every parent and child have had their own issues, Sirius.”

“I know, I know. But--but instead of being with my husband and trying to support him or trying to convince my child she doesn’t need to fucking run away, I got mad because she told us we’d both had it  _ easy _ in life and so I told her to leave then, if that’s what she wanted to do.” Sirius ran their hands through their head, putting their forehead on the table.

“You remember when Hettie was dating that terrible bloke the other year? You wouldn’t believe the screaming matches. None of us are perfect parents.”

Regulus nodded. “Yeah, we all make mistakes. I mean, I don’t know what it’s like to raise a teen yet, but I’m sure it’s not easy.”

“Yeah.”

“She’ll come back,” James assured them. “Everyone always was a little jealous about your relationship with Teddy. Even now, it’s still amazing. You have to trust all the good you’ve done in her life.”

Sirius couldn’t help the scoff they let out. “Well, no reason to be jealous now. We try and stop her going down this path and doing everything we’d taught her not to, and she throws it back in our faces and runs off and I’m gonna lose my mind if she gets hurt, James, I swear.”

“Just because you’re having a tough time, doesn’t do away with all the good you’ve done with Teddy. Whatever it is she’s doing right now, it’s clearly fogging her outlook. Maybe Ro will see her in London and bring some clarity. She’s like Teddy’s big sister.” Regulus put a hand on their shoulder. Just like last night, Sirius flinched, wincing at their own stupid reactions.

“Sorry--yeah, I…” Hope had obviously told them to come here, or Marlene. But they didn’t know how much James or Reggie knew about what had really happened, what Teddy had been doing those weekends in London.

Regulus dropped his hand. “What?”

“I don’t know. I keep thinking I’m some awful parent for making her run away, and the only way I have to convince myself I’m not is to recount every shitty thing they did to me.” They rubbed a hand over their face. “Remus found a baggie of coke in her jeans.”

“Oh,” James started, sounding like Hope had the night before. “That’s…”

“We all do dumb shit when we’re young. Clearly her judgement is off, so running away is not on you, Sirius.”

“Feels like it is. I told her that if she wanted to run away to prove some kind of point, then she should do it.”

“And if you forced her to stay home, what would have happened? You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help.” James shook his head.

“And what if she doesn’t want help and ends up hurt somewhere in London, or with the wrong crowd, or in serious troub--”

Just as they were speaking there was another knock on the door before it opened. “Hello, dears,” Hope called out.

Sirius still thought it might be Teddy, just for a moment, but they slumped back down when Hope spoke up. Not that they weren’t glad to see her, but they had a feeling David Bowie could walk through the door, and they’d still wish he were Teddy. “Hi Hope,” they called back. “In the kitchen.”

“We’ve brought everything one could need for breakfast.” Richard came in carrying two bags with Hope trailing after him with a crockpot.

“I also made some soup that will last you a few days.” Hope set the crockpot on the counter before coming over to say hello to Regulus and James.

There were still so many leftovers from the chicken pot pie of last night, but Sirius gave her a slight smile. “Thank you.”

“Where’s my son?” She asked while hugging Regulus tight. Richard was already unloading the bags.

“He’s upstairs. I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake him.” Sirius felt awful that they weren’t with him all of a sudden.

Hope gave them a sad smile. “I’ll go see if he’s up. You both need to eat something. James and Regulus, you as well. You look tired.” As if Hope herself wasn’t exhausted, and probably had been up all night stress cooking and baking.

Sirius nodded, taking a drink of their tea. “Thank you Hope.”

“You’re welcome, dear. After we eat, we can try to make a plan.”

“Yeah.”

Hope nodded before she went off to the stairs. Richard let out a small laugh. “I had to stop her from baking into the wee hours of the morning.”

“Oh god,” James said, laughing softly. “That’s what she does, hm? Her way of making sure everyone is looked after.”

“Sounds like Remus, apple and tree and all that.” Regulus smiled, looking to Sirius.

Sirius chuckled, knowing it sounded hollow. They wished everything was different and they could do what everyone needed from them. “They’re good at looking after people.”


	8. Chapter 8

Remus had got out of bed when he heard someone at the door. When he got to the hall and heard James and Reggie’s voices, he paused. Sirius needed a minute with their brothers, so he decided to go back to bed. But Teddy’s opened door caught his eye with poor Bucky sitting on her bed. “I’m sorry, buddy.” He sighed, walking into the bedroom.

It felt emptier than usual, not because Teddy wasn’t there but it felt like there was things missing. Ever since she had emptied out Jordan’s things, she had pulled down a lot of her posters as well. The room felt like it was in a transition, and Remus desperately wished that Teddy would be back and they could redo it together. They could repaint the walls and get a new bookshelf because she had wanted one before this whole mess started.

Sitting on the bed, Remus flopped onto his back. The bed was unmade because Teddy never made her bed, and Remus couldn’t fault her because she always insisted that she was just climbing in in a few hours. The closet door was flung open, and the drawers halfway open. It looked as if someone had ransacked her room. Remus grimaced thinking  _ what if there’s more drugs _ . They had always been so open about everything, but maybe they had done it wrong. Christ, how did this all happen.

Bucky laid his head on Remus’ stomach as he stared up at the ceiling, trying to get himself together enough to go downstairs. Poor Sirius was a mess, and they were thinking so much about their bio parents -- it had been years and now they were falling back into that same bullshit. He was helpless in stopping them thinking about the past. They were such a good parent, and Remus had drilled that into their head over and over again for so long, and they had finally believed it at some point. Now that had all washed away.

Sometime later, his mam arrived, and Remus could smell the food. No doubt her and Richard were filling their cabinets. It reminded him of when they had brought Teddy home and now Teddy wasn’t there.

“Hello Remus John.” His mam’s voice came from the doorway of Teddy’s room.

“Oh, hi.” He struggled to sit up in the bed, but didn’t get off the mattress because Bucky wouldn’t budge.

‘No no, you stay lying down, dear,” Hope said, coming to sit on the edge of the bed and leaning in to give him a tight hug.

Remus took a -- well not a deep breath but a breath -- and leaned into her. “Did you sleep?”

She pressed a kiss to his forehead, wrapping her arms around him. “A little, Richard insisted I did for a few hours.”

He sniffled, determined not to cry anymore because he did enough last night. “Yeah, I don’t think Sirius slept at all.”

“Well, we are here to help you both, and you have to make sure you are okay so you can help Sirius, all right?”

“I know.” He nodded, resting his head on her shoulder. “James and Reggie are here?”

“Yes, they are. We stopped in at Regulus’ last night on our way home and told him, and he told James, of course.”

Remus pet Bucky. “I’m still not sure what we should do about it. I want her to have the space that she needs, but I’ve given her space the last few months, and look where it got us.”

“I know. It’s hard, cariad, like all parts of parenting can be. I think you’ll have to trust that she will find her way back, when she’s ready.”

His chest seemed to tighten again, Christ when was he going to be able to breathe properly again? “It’s so hard. I’m so scared for her.”

“Your father and I were terrified when you went off to University. I know it’s not the same at all, but I think it’s okay to be scared. You and Sirius will be here for her when she comes back.”

Tears gathered in his eyes again. “Yeah.”

“And besides,” his mam said, smiling a little. “The amount of presence we have on the astral plane? Your Da, me, Rowena, Mary, Luna. We’ll make sure she’s okay.”

“Are you trying to make me cry by bringing up Da?” He rubbed a hand over his face.

“I can’t help it, he’s right here today,” she said, tapping her temple. “It’ll all be okay, Remus John, I promise.”

“It’s a hard thing to promise.” Remus shook his head. “I understand what you’re saying but she’s out there doing these drugs with these people we don’t know and just… I don’t even know who she is anymore.”

Hope sighed softly. “I know. It’s horrible, it really is, and we could go to London and try to track her down and drag her home but I don’t think that will make anything better, do you?”

“No, probably not.” He cleared his throat, thinking about how angry Teddy would be if they did that.

“Can you imagine me trying to tell you to do exactly what you didn’t want to do when you were a teen?” Hope smiled again softly. “She would be very displeased with you. I think, unfortunately, we have to wait until she wants to come back, hm?”

Remus shook his head, trying to imagine what he would have done if his parents tried to do that. “No, you never did and I didn’t do that with Teddy -- we tried to give her space and…”

“And she needed more. You and Sirius have such a wonderful relationship with her, and she will come back.”

If only he had the same confidence as his mam at the moment. “Yeah… I should go see how Sirius is doing. I’m so worried about them too. They’re thinking about their bio parents, and they haven’t thought about them for ages.”

“James and Reggie are with them. I’m sure they will be okay.” His mam didn’t sound so sure about that though.

“I know, but I want to help them.” He sat up straighter, nudging Bucky. “You need to go out too, Buck.”

Hope chuckled. “He’s always glued to your side, isn’t he? Come on, Bucky, let’s go.” She gave Remus’ shoulders another squeeze before standing up.

“He’s very clingy, needs his people.” Remus tried not to think about how sad their poor dog must have been since Teddy wasn’t around.

“He’s such a sweetheart.” Bucky finally jumped from the bed and trotted out of the room a little reluctantly.

Remus nodded, as they followed after Bucky to the kitchen. When they got downstairs, Sirius and Reggie were at the table while James was standing with Richard at the counter.

Sirius looked up at him, looking tired. “Hi caro.”

“Hi, love, have you had anything to eat?”

They shook their head. “I’ve got tea?”

“You need to eat something.” Remus went over to where the food was laid out. “How about a bagel or toast?” The least he could do was take care of Sirius’ most basic needs.

“Okay,” Sirius agreed, sighing softly. “Whatever you like.”

Remus clenched his jaw, not sure what to say as he went to toasting a bagel for them. He wasn’t sure what to say to anyone, he was glad they were there, but he had no clue what to say. Around him and Sirius, the others chatted, Reg even tried to help him.

“I can do that, Moony,” Reggie said, pushing his chair back a little.

“Thanks, Reggie, I need to do something.” He snickered as he reached for a muffin to pick at while the bagel toasted. He knew his brother-in-law was attempting to help out, but he needed to not feel useless.

“All right.”

Sirius sighed softly. “I’ll let Bucky out.”

“Good idea.” Remus nodded, happy Sirius wanted to do something. Their hand briefly went to his side as they walked past, then went out through the sunroom to the back garden. Remus expected them just to let Bucky out and be back in a moment later, but they must’ve stepped out with him because he heard the sound of the door open then close, and Sirius didn’t reappear.

The bagel popped up, and Sirius still hadn’t returned. “Want me to go get them?” James asked, nudged him.

“No, I’ll do it. Haven’t talked with them yet this morning.” He set to putting the cream cheese on the bagel. “How -- what are you all doing today?”

“Well… whatever you need us to do, really?” Regulus took a drink of his coffee. “James said Lily found some support services, right? And we can… well, we’re just here for you both.”

“Oh? She did, I want to look at those, we need, er, well ones that help the families of people who have substance abuse problems,” he explained, keeping his head down as he picked up the bagel. He quickly realised everyone in the room must already know what he had discovered in the pocket of Teddy’s jeans yesterday, because no one really reacted how he expected.

“We can narrow it down,” James said confidently.

“Yes, I’m sure there’s plenty of assistance out there.”

“Maybe you guys could like look into it?” He went for the back. “That’d be helpful.”

“Sure, we’ll get you a shortlist, right Reg?” James smiled as he passed him.

“Right.”

“Thanks.” He hopes his smile came across less forced before leaving the room.

After going through the sunroom, Remus opened the back door, shutting it behind him. “Here, love.”

Sirius was sitting on the end of one lounger, staring vacantly into the space in front of them, whilst Bucky did his usual sniffling around the garden. They jumped at the sound of the door shutting. “Oh. Hi caro.”

“Here’s your bagel.” Remus went over to them, holding out the plate. They looked so distraught, and Remus was thinking of times when they were younger or back when they had that incident with Jordan’s father. This seemed so much worse.

“Thank you.” They took it, sighing softly. “Can I have a hug?”

“Of course.” He sat down on the lounger before wrapping an arm around them.

Sirius rested their head on his shoulder, still feeling so tense against him. “Did you sleep?”

“A bit, yeah. Did you?” He touched their hand softly, hoping they would take a bite of their bagel.

They didn’t flinch so badly that time, picking up the bagel as if they just knew what he wanted them to do. “No, not really,” they said quietly, taking the tiniest bite of the bagel. “You should eat too.”

“I left my muffin in the kitchen, I’ll have the rest when we go back in,” he promised them.

“Okay, thank you… I’m sorry I went downstairs… should’ve stayed with you, because you need support.”

“No, it was okay. I was sleeping until I heard James and Reggie get here.” Remus rubbed their back.

“Okay… I thought--I thought they were Teddy at the door.”

Remus frowned again. “I’m sorry that it wasn’t.”

“Me too,” Sirius said, nodding. “Me too. I’m sorry for all of it.”

“Stop, you didn’t do anything.” He tried not to sound stern at all, but they didn’t need to apologize.

“Okay… it feels like I did, Remus. It feels like Teddy hit a nerve then I told her we raised her wrong and to leave if she thought that was what she wanted.”

Remus sat back, looking at Sirius. “No, she was going to run no matter what we did.”

“Okay.”

“You don’t believe me.” Remus attempted not to be accusatory, but it felt like it didn’t work. He was so sure though no matter what they did yesterday Teddy would have run off. She was so concerned about being an adult, and being with those people it seemed like her only option. Even though Remus knew that it didn’t make things easier or help him understand the entire situation.

“I… I’m trying to.”

“I know it’s hard, but we can do it. She’s going to come back.” He stood up, feeling like he needed to get up. He wanted to crawl out of his skin thanks to his anxiety.

“Yeah. I just… I don’t want to have ruined things with her. I feel very responsible.” Sirius tucked their legs up onto the lounger.

“You’re not responsible. We tried to do everything we always do. We gave her space, we offered her support, but she didn’t want it.”

“I guess, yeah.” Sirius sniffed. “I’m sorry. I’m not doing what I should be, am I?”

“What should you be doing?” Remus let out a hollow laugh. “I don’t think there’s a handbook for this sort of thing.”

Sirius scoffed. “I wish there was. I feel like I should be supporting you, being more level-headed and better tempered and… well, less of a mess. I just… I’m just convinced I’m an awful parent and the only way my brain can tell me otherwise is to recount every awful thing they did to me.”

“You’re doing what you need to do right now, Sirius. You -- I don’t know how to stop those thoughts other than to say to text Poppy.” He paced the deck, his chest in knots again.

“Yeah, I text her earlier. She doesn’t have space until tomorrow.”

“That’s okay, you just have to get through til tomorrow. It’ll help to talk with her and we’ll see someone to help us deal with what to do with Teddy.”

Sirius bit their lip. “Does it… does it make us bad parents, that we don’t know how to help her?”

Remus’ face crumpled. “No -- I don’t think so. I think that it’s just, we’re just in a weird place. I don’t think anyone knows how to help.”

“Okay, thank you.” Sirius rubbed their hand over their face. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop being sorry, please.” He attempted another deep breath.

They opened their mouth as if to say something before shutting it again. “Okay. Breathe, Remus.”

“I am.” Remus took another shallow breath.

“Properly.”

“I’m trying.”


	9. Chapter 9

Sirius wished everything was fixed. They were sat on the edge of the lounger, trying to force themselves to eat a bagel, and everything was just  _ wrong _ . Remus was pacing in front of them, and he was just as not-okay as Sirius was.

“Okay. Just… just keep breathing, please.” Sirius bit their lip hard, watching him pace. They couldn’t stop thinking of everything running around in their head, all the awful things their bio parents had done, how they had told Teddy to leave, how they’d tried to stop her but done too little too late. No one could help, either. Everyone just said to speak to Poppy and she didn’t have space until tomorrow and Sirius wasn’t sure if they could just sit in this for another day.

“I know, I’m -- I’ll be okay. Eat your bagel.”

“I’m really not hungry,” Sirius said softly. 

“I guess you ate some.” He nodded, looking towards the house. “I need to eat.”

“Okay.” Sirius stood up, wavering a little. They didn’t know what they were meant to do but they didn’t think they could burden Remus with what was whirling around their head right now.

“James and Reggie are going through the list of resources for us. You told them about why Teddy left, right?” He asked, holding the door open for them.

“Yes… shouldn’t I have?” Sirius padded over, looking at him.

“No, of course you should have, Sirius.” He shook his head. “Why wouldn’t -- it’s okay. Come on.”

“I love you,” they said, not knowing what else to say as they stepped into the sunroom.

“I love you too.” He smiled, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“What do you need?” Sirius was still holding a plate of half eaten bagel and feeling like they were going to get sick, but it felt like they had to do  _ something _ .

“Just, I’m not sure.” He scrunched up his face. “Maybe a cup of tea.”

“I’ll put the kettle on.” They nodded, then started through to the kitchen after Bucky. He was probably missing Teddy so much. Sirius had to focus on something else, they could make tea, and do something to help Remus.

Sirius felt like they blinked and it was evening. They sat at the kitchen table once again, weary, as the door shut behind Hope and James. They had all eventually left, after James and Reggie had narrowed a list of counsellors to talk to, and Hope and Richard had made enough food to feed a small army.

They had been checked out all day, trying to stay here and be helpful and useful, but they couldn’t focus at all. Not to mention every time they looked at Remus his jaw was tighter, his frown deeper, and he had that look in his eyes. They could see it, but felt powerless to do anything about it and it was a horrible feeling.

“Should we call this counsellor?”

“Yeah, I think that would be a good idea.” Remus was puttering around in the kitchen, cleaning things that didn’t need to be cleaned.

“Okay… shall I just now?” Sirius bit their lip, their knee jittering.

“Yeah, that’s perfect. Any time, we can do it, whenever they’re free.”

“Okay.” Sirius scrolled through the webpage again, making sure they had made the right decision, before hitting the call button.

The phone rang a few times before a cheery voice answered. “Hello, Hogsmeade Family Counsellors, this is Nicola, how can I help you?”

“Oh, hi, er, I… we’d like to have an appointment with you guys to speak to you. Our child is having some… issues.”

“Of course, is there a certain counsellor you’d like to meet with or a certain focus you’d like help with?” Sirius could hear the woman tapping at the keys. They swallowed hard.

“Substance abuse.”

“All right, what time would you like to make an appointment? The earliest I have is with Arabella Figg at 3:15 tomorrow afternoon or the next morning at 10:30.”

“Um.” Sirius leaned forward to see if they could catch Remus’ eye, but he was pottering in the kitchen. “Tomorrow afternoon would be great, thank you.”

“Perfect, your name and will your child be joining you?”

Sirius let out a breath. “No, no she won’t… Ah, its Sirius Lupin-Black, and my husband Remus,” they said, determined not to cry again because they were so tired of crying.

“Okay, you’re all set. We’ll see you tomorrow afternoon then.” It sounded as if her cheeriness had diminished a little.

“Thank you, er, Nicola. See you tomorrow afternoon.”

“Bye now, have a nice night.” She hung up.

Remus had his back to them, scrubbing at the countertop. “What time?”

Shit, had they forgotten already? Their memory was shot today, they’d put sugar in their tea twice because they couldn’t remember if they had. “Oh, um, three thirty, no, three fifteen.”

“Okay, you have an appointment with Poppy at noon too.”

“Oh shit, yes.” Sirius ran a hand through their hair. “Should I call back and change this?”

“Only if you don’t want to do both tomorrow. We’ll have time between the two.” Remus tossed the sponge towards the sink.

It didn’t really matter to Sirius. It would all be awful anyway. “I can do both.”

“Good, that sounds good. Maybe we should head up to bed, try to rest.” He leaned back against the counter, watching them.

“Okay. I don’t think I’m tired. I might… might stretch some? But I can do that in the bedroom, if you want.” Sirius felt like they’d been sitting all day, everything felt right and tense and awful. Maybe some kind of release would help them in some way, stretching had helped before.

“If you need to, yeah.” He bit at his nails again. They must look terrible at this point if he had any nails left.

Sirius’ brow furrowed. All they wanted to do was apologise, and keep apologising. Their whole childhood everything was their fault and sorry felt like the only thing to say to make everything better and it had been so long since they had fallen back into patterns like this. “I’d like to, yeah please,” they said instead.

“You can do it in the pole room and I can sit in there, if that’s better.”

That was where they and Teddy danced and stretched together. But they couldn’t well just avoid an entire room in the house from now on. “Bedroom is fine, really.” Sirius swallowed, looking back to him. “What can I do?”

“Okay, bedroom is good.” Remus nodded. “You don’t have to do anything, you’re fine.”

“I don’t feel fine,” they said softly.

“I know, but you don’t need to do anything, you just existing right now is what I need.” He pushed off the counter. “Come on, upstairs.”

Sirius took a breath. Remus didn’t need them to bend over backwards or grovel or fix it all, just being with him was all he needed. They stood up and crossed over to him, wrapping their arms tight around his waist.

“It’ll get better.” The way he spoke seemed as if he was speaking more for himself instead of Sirius.

“Yeah,” they sighed, pressing their cheek into his shoulder and trying to believe him.

Remus’ fingers ran through their hair. “Do you need anything before we go up?”

“Just you.” And Teddy safe and back home. 

“Okay, let’s go.”

Sirius thought they managed to doze for an hour or two that night, helped a little by their stretches, and Remus appeared to get a little sleep too. They were looking forward to seeing Poppy, but at the same time they didn’t want to face up to how they were feeling and what they had done.

On the way back from the bathroom, Sirius went to the bedroom door, glancing through to see Teddy’s door still ajar, the room empty except for Bucky, who was still on Teddy’s bed.

“I know, bud,” they said softly. “Hopefully they’ll be home soon, okay?” Bucky gave a sad whimper. “Me too, Buck, me too.”

“Sirius?” Remus called.

“Hi,” Sirius said, crossing back to the bed. “Just went to the bathroom, and to see where Buck is.”

“Oh, of course.” He reached out for his phone, frowning at it after tapping on the screen.

Did he think they had left? Sirius bit their lip as they climbed back into bed, knowing he was looking for a text from Teddy.

“It’s still early.”

“Okay, I can’t go back to sleep though.” Remus shook his head.

Sirius nodded. Remus, who would sleep the whole day if he could. “Yeah…”

“Poppy will be good, and so won’t this Arabella.” He put an arm under his pillow.

“Yeah. They’ll be able to help.” Sirius curled up on their side, wishing in some way that they could just have a really good cathartic sob, but it felt like they’d cried enough.

Remus closed his eyes. “Should we, er, text Teddy? Tell them we miss them or something.”

They nodded, then realised Remus’ eyes were closed. “I text her yesterday morning saying  _ we love you, be safe _ . She read it but didn’t reply. You should text her though.”

“I think it’ll be good if we sent her something each day, right? Show her we’re there, but not like overbearing?” He opened his eyes and shuffled up with his phone in his hand.

“That sounds like a good idea.”

“I’ll text the same thing.” Remus swiped open his phone before tapping out his message.

“Yeah.” Sirius watched him, seeing how anxious and tired he looked.

“Okay, sent.” Remus set the phone down before let out a groan as he stretched. “Christ, it feels like it’s been fucking weeks.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Sirius sighed. “But it also feels like it’s been minutes.”

“Do you want me to get you some breakfast? We’re going to be up and out today, so more energy and such.” He put a hand on their arm.

“We can eat together, if you want?” Sirius leaned into his touch, relishing it for a moment. “You need to eat too.”

“Of course, I was going to eat too.”

“Mm, okay. I love you.”

Remus smiled softly. “Love you too.” He pressed a kiss to their forehead before he moved to get out of bed. Sirius sighed, wanting to stay in bed for a moment longer--which was thoroughly unlike them--and wanting really to stay in bed forever until Teddy came back. “Do you want to have it in bed? I’ll make it and bring it up?” He asked, stopping at the door.

“I should get up,” they answered, knowing that wasn’t really an answer at all.

“Should? I’m not sure we ever did what we should do.” Remus leaned against the door jamb as his phone vibrated on the bed. He stood up straight. “Is it Teddy?”

Sirius sat up too, leaning over to peer at Remus’ phone. “Yeah,” they said, letting out a sigh of relief that they were okay. “I’m safe, they say.”

Remus let out his own long breath. “Christ, that’s something at least.”

“Yeah. She’s safe.” Sirius sat back, unsure for a moment where the tears welling up were coming from. Teddy replied to Remus, but not to them.

“Oh, no, it’s okay.” Remus suddenly appeared on the bed in front of them, taking their hands. “She’s okay.”

“I know, I know,” they said, squeezing his hands. “I’m just… I’m glad she’s safe? I’m glad she replied to you.”

Remus wiped a hand over one of their cheeks. “Maybe she just wasn’t ready yesterday.”

“Yeah? I… I don’t know? Maybe she’d just rather hear from you.”

“No no, we both said things the other night.” He shook his head.

“Okay. She’s safe, that’s the important thing.”

Remus kissed over their cheeks, nodding. “She’s safe.”

Sirius sniffed again, burying their face in the crook of his neck. It hurt so much. They were so worried they had really fucked things with Teddy. His arms gathered Sirius up against him, holding them tight.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry, please. Stop,” he pleaded.

Sirius closed their eyes, nodding. “Okay.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Well, this is like old times,” Poppy said lightly, standing up from her chair.

Remus had been pulled into the session at some point. Sirius came out and dragged him in, saying Poppy was insistent on talking to him as well. It was a good idea because he needed to talk too. Really, he should have made an appointment himself -- in fact he was going to on their way out.

“Thank you Poppy.”

Sirius smiled, standing too as they went for the door. “Yeah, thanks Poppy.”

After Teddy had replied to Remus, he thought Sirius would be happy -- at least a little relieved -- but they had got even more upset. They were so sure that Teddy was more angry with them than with Remus. He hoped that Poppy and them had spoken about that, or that this Arabella would have something good to say.

“Make an appointment, Remus, as soon as possible. Sirius, you too.” She walked them out to the front.

“I will.” Remus took Sirius’ hand. They absently rubbed their thumb over his knuckles, squeezing their fingers.

“Yeah, of course,” they said, thanking Poppy again before turning to the receptionist.

Leaning into Sirius, Remus made appointments for them both next week. He hoped by then things would be better, but he wasn’t sure. Really, for a while he thought Teddy would be gone a night and then be back the next day. Now he was wondering maybe if it would happen after the weekend.

“We have a little time before our appointment,” he informed Sirius. “Should we get tea or something?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.” Sirius paused, biting their lip. “Our cafe isn’t so far from here.”

Their cafe. Their first date cafe was still around after all these years, probably kept in business mostly by Remus and Sirius themselves. “Yeah, this might be the first time I’m not up for any of their waffles or crepes. We can sit outside though with our tea, it’s nice.”

They nodded. “We can go somewhere else, if you want?”

“No, it’s fine.” Remus set them in the direction of the cafe. “How are you doing?”

“I’m… trying to let go of my guilt? We talked a lot about taking blame, and how it’s all expected and okay that this fucks with my head because it’s similar in lots of ways to me but different at the same time. We talked about these feelings not having an expiration date.”

“Right, those are all important things to remember.” It felt as if he could breathe just a little bit better hearing they were thinking this all through.

“I rambled a lot,” Sirius said with a laugh, squeezing his hand. “Monologued a lot about my bio parents and how I’m torn between being upset and furious, and it felt good to get it out without upsetting anyone.”

He frowned a little. “I’m sorry you thought you couldn’t get it out without upsetting me. I could have listened.”

“I know you could’ve, caro. But I didn’t want to put that on you.”

“If you needed to… but yeah, I’m glad you talked to Poppy.” Remus gave their hand a squeeze.

“I know.” They leaned their head on his shoulder for a moment. “Do you feel better?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Remus wasn’t sure how to equate his feelings. He was still upset and distraught, and everything felt fake but it maybe felt better. Somehow.

Sirius was quiet for a moment. “Good.”

Remus wanted some direction, and there didn’t seem to be a path anywhere. All that he could do was keep walking until he found one. “Yeah. I’m interested in talking to Arabella.”

“I’m not sure what she’s going to contribute, but I hope that she’s helpful in some way, at least.”

“There’s got to be things we can do to support Teddy when she comes back. There’s got to be some way to help her.” He hoped they were doing the right thing.

“Of course. I know we’ll figure something out.”

Remus agreed, stepping into the courtyard of their cafe. “Want to get a table? I’ll get our tea?” He looked around, it was fairly busy with people having lunch.

Sirius smiled, looking around before looking back to him. “Yeah, I’ll get a table.”

“I don’t know if they have your tea, if they don’t want me to pick or…”

“I trust you, just get me something. James lives by that cardamom tea, but it’s all just nostalgia.”

“Okay.” He kissed them on the cheek before heading inside the cafe.

The space still smelt like the most perfect combination of vanilla and chocolate and coffee. It was normally calming, but there was still a thurm of anxiety in his chest. The anxiety couldn’t be shaken, even after talking to Poppy. He stood in the queue, looking at the message board trying to find cardamom tea, but there wasn’t any. Christ, now he had to pick and he was falling back into his usual  _ I can not pick a thing _ spiral of anxiety. It had been a long time since he had to face this part of himself.

Thankfully he managed to order something herbal and calming for both Sirius and himself. It was probably best to do a blend without caffeine because they had both had so much the last few days. Anything to help him calm down slightly was good. He wondered if he could manage a scene at some point, but that felt exhausting.

Out in the courtyard, he found Sirius at a table under the shade of one of the trees. “Hi caro,” they greeted, pushing the chair next to them out for him.

“Hi, here, it’s herbal.”

“Oh, it smells great. What did you get?”

“Same thing. It’s their  _ calming blend _ . I’m not sure what’s in it exactly, but it sounded perfect.” Remus held the paper cup in his hand. The heat of the tea made his skin tingle.

Sirius chuckled softly. “That sounds like what we need,” they said, sipping at it. “I’m going to try to stop apologising so much.”

“I’m glad because I was getting… er, well I was getting annoyed with it.” Remus ran a nail around the lid.

“I know. And I know the fact that it’s a leftover from childhood isn’t an excuse, so I’m going to try better. Thank you for being patient with me.”

“I tried, I’m glad you know why you’re doing it and that you’re trying to not do it.” He watched Sirius, happy that Poppy seemed to take some of the weight off of them.

“Are you okay, really?”

Remus shook his head. “I mean, how can I be with Teddy not speaking to us?”

Sirius bit their lip, looking into their tea. “Yeah.”

“I’ll be okay though,” he said quickly. He didn’t want Sirius to sink back again.

“I guess I mean are you okay in the moment? You’re not… you’re not spiralling?”

Remus tried to take a deep breath, and as usual the last few days, he couldn’t really fill his lungs up. “I don’t know. I don’t think I’m spiralling, but I could.”

“Okay. We can speak to Arabella and hopefully that can help, and Teddy will be home soon.” Sirius held their hand out for his.

“Ah, yeah, I hope she can help. I don’t want to say the wrong things when she’s back, you know? If she needs help, I want to do it right. I don’t -- I don’t want her to struggle if it’s hard for her to stop doing these destructive things.” He took their hand before taking a sip of his tea.

“Yeah, absolutely. I want to make it easy for her, or as easy as we can.”

“I don’t know how to function right now.” He snickered, looking off over the courtyard. “Like we’ve spent the last nineteen years as parents, and we weren’t robots, but it’s still an important part of us.”

“Right, and now it feels like we’ve lost a limb. I know we always said when Teddy moved out we’d go travelling or have sex whenever and wherever we wanted… but I didn’t want it like this.” Sirius rubbed a hand over their mouth, sighing.

“Me either.” Remus closed his eyes. “It feels like we can’t move. Like… I feel stuck because there’s no -- not closure, but…”

“Right. Everything is on pause, because we can’t just let it lie?”

“I just want to have a proper conversation and I want to be able to talk to her whenever and check in, but we can’t do that. So how do we function.” He took another sip of his tea.

“I… we’re in limbo.” Sirius sighed. “I don’t know. I guess we can’t really function. We just have to wait and exist.”

“Yeah.” His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he never moved faster to get at it.  _ Please let it be Teddy _ . It wasn’t though, it was Alice.

**Hey, Moony. Are you doing all right? Do you and Sirius need anything?**

Sirius had obviously thought the same, because they were sat bolt upright, peering at him. “Is she okay?”

“It’s Alice.” He shook his head.

“Oh.” Sirius sighed again, slumping back down. “I’m going to jump every time one of our phones ring.”

“Or someone is at the door.” He started to text back.

_ We’re about as all right as you think. _ _   
_ _ Saw Poppy, seeing someone else for Teddy _

“Yeah, god. I want to just tell everyone not to visit unless they tell us, or not call or text or… Jesus I don’t know.”

“I know.” Remus watched the dots pop up on the screen. “I want to say we have the weekend to ourselves, but you know they’re all going to be taking shifts.”

**Glad you saw Poppy** **  
** **Let me know if you need anything** **  
** **Frank sends his love too. Didn’t want to attack you with too many texts**

_ Thanks, Al _

Sirius was watching him carefully. “We can insist. I sort of want a weekend just with you, just me and you and all the leftovers in the world and a joint or something. I don’t want to have to pretend I’m not freaking out.”

“Okay, we can do that. I’ll call Mam later.” He knew that she was the ringleader in getting everyone together for this, she’d call them off too.

“Yeah? We can just exist. Embrace the limbo.”

Remus let out a soft laugh. “Embrace the limbo, yeah.”

“Sounds like a depeche mode tribute band. Not  _ Enjoy the Silence _ , but Embrace the Limbo.” Sirius chuckled.

“Ha, yeah.” Remus looked at the time. “We still have like an hour before we have to go over to see Arabella.”

“I don’t mind just sitting here. We can walk around though, if you want, or just go home.”

“If I go home I might melt into the sofa or something, so I think staying out is better. Let’s finish the tea, then walk?”

Sirius smiled softly. “Sounds good.”

“It’s good to see you not so sad.”

“It’s good to see you not vibrating out of your skin,” they said back, squeezing his hand.

After they finished their tea, Remus and Sirius walked around the neighborhood for a little while. It was good to get out in the fresh air instead of sitting at home waiting. They then took off to the other side of town where they met with Arabella. They spoke with her about what Teddy had been going through and she offered an armful of pamphlets and papers filled with information. She talked about what could happen, and what they could do, but they would have to wait til Teddy got back. She also suggested to keep texting Teddy once a day because it showed her that she still had them.

Now they were back at the house, and Remus was sat on the floor at the coffee table with a notebook as he made his way through the pamphlets. “Constantly blowing money and irritability are signs of substance abuse, this pamphlet says.”

Sirius padded in with two mugs of tea and settled on the sofa behind him. “Well, I say they’ve checked both of those.”

“For sure.  _ Profound changes in personality and attitude. _ ” Remus shook his head, how could they not realize this was a problem before?

“Yeah… we just thought they were being a teenager, late rebellion… never occurred to us she would get into this.”

“I never thought she’d even touch anything hard like that.” He continued to read. “ _ Mood swings, anger, sudden changes in relationships _ .”

Sirius sighed, taking a drink of their tea. “That too.”

“This is… I don’t know. I’m just in shock. It explains so much.”

Remus heard the sound of Sirius setting their mug down, then their arms around his shoulders. “But now we know, and we can help her when she’s ready.”

“Yeah. I hope that she’s actually being safe and that she doesn’t… I don’t know…”


	11. Chapter 11

Sirius pressed a kiss to Remus’ shoulder, looking over the piles of information they had gotten from Arabella. Remus was being typically… well, Remus about it; pouring over every detail and ruminating over everything they should’ve picked up but didn’t.

“We have to trust her.”

“You’re very calm suddenly. Did you smoke a joint without me?” Remus chuckled as he leafed through the pile. They could feel how tense he was still.

“I think I’ve gotten to that calm panic state?” Sirius laughed, thinking about all they and Poppy had talked of, how they could take less blame and take up more space. Shrinking into the background wasn’t going to help here.

“Yeah? That’s good.” He opened another little booklet.

“I dunno? Still panicking.” Sirius took a sip of their tea, teeth clinking against the rim of the mug. “Speaking of, can we just get high?”

“Yeah, if you want that’s fine.” Remus nodded, not turning away from the information.

Sirius watched him, carefully putting their tea down again. Memorising every leaflet here wasn’t going to help him. They put a hand on his arm. “Caro.”

“Yes, love?” He tilted his head back to look up at them.

“Hi,” they breathed, ducking their head to drop a quick kiss on his lips. “All this will be here tomorrow. Be with me tonight?”

He frowned for a moment then nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

“What’s that frown for?”

“I don’t know.” He huffed, tossing the booklet aside. “I’m not sure. I feel like I need to do all these things.”

“I know, because that’s what you do. But you don’t. Even if Teddy comes back tomorrow morning, we sit together and look through it. There’s no time frame, is there?”

“No, there’s not. I just want to be ready and do it right.” Remus leaned his head back against their knee.

“I know.” Sirius threaded their fingers through his hair, scratching gently at his scalp. They were glad they had gone to Poppy today because it felt as if their head was on straight and they could be here with Remus more. Poppy didn’t magically pull them out of their spiral, though, just shifted them to a different part of it.

“And what if she needs us? We have to drive to London and get her if she wanted…”

“And we would. Have you forgotten all your get sober fast tricks? We can not get too high.” Sirius kissed his forehead.

He laughed, low in his chest. “I know.”

“Mmm, hi. It’s nice to hear you laugh.”

“Yeah?” He smiled up at them, still not a full blown smile, but it was a little less forced.

“Yeah, it is,” they murmured, pressing another kiss to his temple.

“Good. I’ll get the weed, if you want.” Remus put a hand on their calf, giving it a soft squeeze.

“Okay. I’ll make more tea, and find some leftovers?”

“I can do that too if you want.” He pushed himself up to stand. Sirius bit their lip, sitting back a little. Remus needed to be doing things, and Sirius could see that now they weren’t swept away in their own feelings. They just wondered how far to go.

“Okay, yes please.”

“Any requests for snacks? We have so many pastries from Mam and Richard.” He paused before heading towards the kitchen.

“Pastries, for sure. And if we have any of those nachos left over?”

“Pastries  _ and _ nachos. We’re not high just yet.” Remus chuckled before disappearing through to the kitchen.

“Isn’t it better to be prepared?” Sirius snickered, tucking their legs up on the sofa.

“Of course.” They could hear him in the kitchen, turning the sink on.

“High Remus will thank me when he has nachos.”

“I know he will.”

“Should I put Bake Off on, Da—caro?”

“That sounds good.” There was a pause. “I’ll be back, just running upstairs. The kettle is on and the nachos are reheating.”

Sirius bit their lip, painfully aware of their own slip. Usually they were so good at not tripping up calling Remus Daddy, but their defences were nonexistent right now. Hopefully they hadn’t made him uncomfortable. “Alright!” They called back, grabbing the tv remote.

By the time they had found Bake Off and clicked onto where they were halfway through what had to be their five hundredth run through of the series, Remus’ footsteps were coming down the stairs again. 

A few moments later, Remus came out of the kitchen with a tray filled with food and tea as well as the box they kept their stash in. “Here we go.” He set it down on the coffee table.

Sirius smiled. “Perfect,” they said, pulling their legs in so he could sit down.

“Maybe we’ll have a bath later? If you’re up for it. How’s the flesh prison?” He asked, settling down to roll a joint.

“It’s… apathetic at best. I still feel uncomfy and wrong but I don’t want to tear my own skin off today, so that’s good. I would like a bath, if you would.” Sirius settled down to watch him roll, completely enthralled. They were feeling much less dysphoric today, thankfully, and whilst they still wanted to bundle up in baggy shirts, they thought a bath full of bubbles with their husband of over twenty years would be manageable.

“That’s good… I guess? I mean it’s better than wanting to claw it off.” He focused on what he was doing, not looking up at Sirius.

“It is. This is good for today.” Sirius let out an Austen worthy sigh watching Remus’ fingers, this would never lose its appeal.

“I hope it'll relax you -- us a bit.” He picked up the joint, starting to roll it between his fingers.

“Mmm, you too, Mr Anxiety of the Year.”

“Why don’t I have that on a shirt?”

“I’ll get you a shirt caro.” Sirius smiled, still transfixed.

Remus lit the joint before handing it over to Sirius, as he always did. Sirius took it, finally back to reality as they took a drag, letting out a slow breath. “I hope this bit never changes.”

“It won’t.” He shook his head.

“Yeah, you’re right.” They took another hit then passed it back to him, leaning their head back on the sofa as they exhaled.

Remus took the joint, watching them as he brought it up to his lips. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Sirius bit their lip, smiling at how well he knew them. “I know, thank you,” they said softly, leaning forward to steal a drag after him.

Remus didn’t complain sarcastically, like he normally did, instead he just continued to keep his eyes on them. They smiled, suppressing a little shiver as they took a hit without taking the joint from his fingers. It was so hard when they were both struggling, because they depended on each other for grounding, but when they managed to find their feet together Sirius thought moments like these would fix anything.

“Do you need anything else?” Remus asked before taking another hit.

Sirius swallowed slightly, they wanted to ask him to look after them, ask  _ Daddy _ to look after them, but they weren’t unsure if they should. “Just you,” they murmured instead.

“Okay, I’m here.” He put an arm over their shoulders. “I’m here.”

“Can I have a kiss?”

“Yeah,” Remus whispered before leaning forward to kiss them softly. Sirius gave a pleased hum as they kissed back, leaning up to meet him. Sighing into the kiss, Remus’ free hand slid up into their hair.

“Mmm, hi,” Sirius breathed between kisses, tilting towards his touch.

“Hi.” He gave them a peck on the lips, his fingers ghosting down to the back of their neck. They shuddered, smiling as they pulled back slightly. “I love you.” His strong hand settled between their shoulders.

“I love you, I love you. I swear, your kisses make everything easier.”

“Yours too.” Remus pressed a soft kiss to their cheek then his lips fluttered down their jaw.

“Mmhm.” They tilted their head a little, fingers sliding through his curls again.

He hummed at the touch. “Our nachos and the tea are gonna go cold  _ and _ the joint is still burning.” It didn’t sound like Remus was actually complaining about it.

“Oh no,” Sirius hummed, smiling to themselves. He was still pressing kisses to their jaw, so with their free hand Sirius plucked the joint from Remus’ fingers, and took a drag.

“Knew you’d take care of something.” The kisses trailed over to their ear.

“The good thing about nachos and tea is that they can be reheated.” They pressed a smoky kiss to his temple, tilting their head a little more.

“Good thing.” Remus sighed, resting his cheek on their shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you, so much.” Sirius held the joint filter out to him, watching carefully. Remus wrapped his lips around the joint, breathing in slowly. Sirius kept their hand in his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. “Will you look after me, Daddy?”

Smoke filtered out of his mouth as he nodded. “Yeah, of course princess.”

Sirius smiled, unable to resist leaning in and kissing him.

“What do you need?” He asked them before taking another hit.

“Another hit,” they said with a slight smile. “And for us both to get out of our heads.”

“Of course,” he murmured, brushing their hair from their shoulder. “I don’t want to do anything too hard though, is that okay? But I can get you nice and floaty.”

“Yeah, I don’t want hard either. Just floaty, and for you to be in control.”

“Okay,” he said softly before kissing at their jaw again. Sirius let out a breath, sinking back into the sofa. “Maybe we should put out the joint for now.”

“Mm, okay, if you say so,” they mumbled, keeping their eyes closed.

Remus laughed softly, taking the joint from their fingers. “We can have the rest later when we reheat everything.”

Sirius chuckled, kissing his cheek. “You’re the best.”

“Course, princess. You deserve the best, so that makes sense I guess.” He sat forward to put the joint out before settling back.

“Mhmm. I have the best Daddy.” They put their hands on his shoulders, rubbing in soft circles.

“Come sit in my lap.” He patted his thigh. Sirius didn’t waste any time. Bratting wasn’t even on their mind, they just wanted Remus right now. They settled with their knees either side of his thighs, hands still on his shoulders. “You look so pretty even after only sleeping a few hours in the last two days.” Remus pressed a soft kiss to their jaw.

They smiled, sinking into him at his praise. “Mmm, you look so gorgeous.”

“Yeah? No one can ever look as good as you.” His hand slid down their chest.

“You’re so nice to me Daddy.”

“I love being nice to my princess.” Remus’ long fingers grazed lower over their leggings.

“I like being nice for you too,” they hummed, leaning up to kiss him.

“Good.” He returned the kiss as his fingers ghosted over them. “I feel like I haven’t touched you in ages.”

“Ah, me neither, it’s been so long. I missed it.” Sirius closed their eyes, trailing their lips down his jaw.

“I love your body.” His fingers slipped under their waistband now. They tried to let his words sink in, the fact that he loved their body even when they didn’t. They lifted their hips just a little.

“Mm, can I touch you Daddy?”

“No, baby, just you.” He shook his head. “Stay still though.”

“Okay,” Sirius breathed, hands still on his shoulders, kissing his jaw. “Yes Daddy.”

His fingers slid into their leggings and underwear. “Do you want me to touch you?”

Sirius moaned softly. “Please Daddy,” they whispered, feeling floaty and finally quiet.


	12. Chapter 12

He had nearly talked himself out of letting himself fall into something to feel good. But Remus could hear Sirius in his head saying  _ OXYGEN MASK THEORY _ . Taking care of Sirius let everything else dissolve away. He could do this tonight, and it wasn’t selfish.

“Anything for you, princess.” Remus lightly ran the tip of his finger over their cock.

Sirius made the softest, prettiest noise, biting their lip. For the first time in a few days they looked  _ here.  _ Grounding Sirius made Remus feel grounded himself.

“Are you wet for Daddy?” He asked, knowing how they were feeling.

“Oh god, ah, yeah, yeah I’m wet just for Daddy.”

Remus smiled at them, raising his free hand to their lips. “Here, get those nice and wet.”

Sirius groaned, murmuring “Yes Daddy,” before ducking their head to take his fingers into their mouth, pressing their hips forward a little.

He continued to touch them lightly, watching his fingers in their mouth. “You’ve the best mouth.”

In response, they swirled their tongue over the pads of his fingers, sucking lightly. Remus’ stomach flipped a little. He didn’t want to get off, but it felt so good.

“So perfect.”

Sirius gave him a smile around his fingers—god, only they could do that—their eyes all warm and wide as they bobbed their head.

“Nice and wet, princess, I think that’s enough. I want to put them all over you.” He kept his voice soft dragging the hand in their legging out.

“Ah, yeah?” They gasped as they pulled away.

“Yeah.” Remus grinned as he pulled down their leggings with his nonwet hand. “Maybe I’ll put my other hand around your neck.”

Sirius bit their lip, their hands going to help him push their leggings away. They had a black pair of those genderfluid underwear beneath. “Yeah, please Daddy.”

He decided to keep their underwear on, sliding his fingers underneath the top band. “Will that make you feel good?” His fingers circled against them.

They nodded, rolling their hips against his fingers. “Yeah it will, always feels so good.”

“Makes you feel nice and floaty?” His free hand went to the base of their throat, rubbing his thumb over the hollow there.

Sirius’ hand on his shoulder tightened a little, and Remus felt them shiver against him. “Yes—yeah, so nice and floaty and safe. Daddy has me.”

“Always have my princess.” Remus moved the fingers against them firmer and faster as the ones on their neck shifted up a little.

Sirius gasped beneath his hand, moaning sharply just after. “Oh fuck, fuck, Daddy.”

“Yeah? Does that feel good?” The hand on his neck gripped slightly more.

“Yes, ah, feels—ah.” They shuddered again, squirming and shifting. “I, ah, so good.”

“Are you close?” He smirked at them. “You’re so wet and hot.”

Sirius gave another moan, pressing their hips closer. “Yeah, yeah I am. I—I wanna, I want to be under you. Want Daddy to h—hold me down by the throat.”

Remus nodded, only taking a moment to physically shift them off his lap to get them on the sofa on their back. “Like this?” He asked, straddling their thighs as the hand returned to their neck.

They stretched out a little, tipping their chin back and arching up to him. “Yeah—yeah if it’s what Daddy wants.”

“It is.” The fingers slipped back into their underwear, moving with the same speed again as the hand on their neck tightened. “When you want, you can come.”

“Fuck, thank you,” Sirius groaned, squirming a little. They bit their lip, one hand going around his wrist.

Remus smirked down at them, his fingers relentless against them. “Love my fingers in your pussy.”

“Love—love your fingers in my pussy, Daddy. M’so wet for you,” Sirius mumbled, voice soft.

“Yeah, I know princess. You’re so good for Daddy.” Remus’ fingers pressed more as he ghosted his lips over theirs. They made another sweet noise as they tried to lean up to meet his lips, pressing against his hand. That apparently sent them over the edge of their climax, their body shuddering beneath him as they cried out. “So good,” he mumbled against their lips, not stopping the fingers against them as they came.

Sirius eventually sank back into the sofa with a little whimper, finally lax. “Fuck.”

“Yeah?” He smiled, dropping the hand on their neck and sliding his fingers out of their underwear.

They took a deep breath in, not moving for a moment. “Yeah, god,” they murmured, opening their eyes to look at him. “Can I be good for you Daddy?”

“No, I’m okay right now princess.” He smiled down at them, reaching for their leggings so he could wipe his hand. “You’re being really good for Daddy anyway.”

“Yeah?” They smiled, closing their eyes again. “Daddy deserves good.”

“You do too.” He smoothed a hand over their hair.

Sirius took a slow, deep breath. “Mmm, yeah? Everything okay?”

“Perfect, princess. Are you okay?” He settled down against them.

“Floaty.” They cuddled into him, exhaling slowly too. “My head is quiet.”

“That’s the goal.” Remus pressed his lips against their temple.

“Is yours?”

“Yeah, pretty quiet.” He nodded, resting his head on their chest. That was a bit of a lie, but he hadn’t focused on anything other than missing Teddy for more than a minute the last few days, so the scene had to be some sort of accomplishment.

“Yeah?” They idly ran their fingers through his hair.

“Mmmhmm.” His hand rubbed soft circles against their side.

“Good.”

Remus sighed, closing his eyes. “It’s not even dinner time yet.” He pressed a kiss to their collarbone.

“Time is a societal construct,” Sirius mumbled, turning towards him a little. “We can do what we like.”

“Okay, if you say so.” Remus looked up at them. “Are you all right?”

“As I can be. Floaty… are you?” Sirius kissed his cheek.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” He brushed a hand through their hair again. “Do you want me to get you anything?”

“Could you pass my water, please?”

“Yeah.” Remus pushed himself up, shifting forward to grab their glass. “I can get you some new bottoms too.”

Sirius frowned for a moment, then realisation dawned over their face. “Ah, yes please. Sweats, please?”

“Yeah, you all right? What was that frown?” He laughed, which still sounded fake to him, as he handed them the glass.

“I was confused for why I’d need new bottoms. Then I remembered. Then I remembered that’s usually a thing I’m down for and I’m not and that always confuses me.” Sirius shook their head, chuckling softly.

“Oh okay.” Getting to his feet, Remus let out a breath, happy that they were okay.

“Hey,” they hummed, grabbing his wrist so they could lean in to kiss him softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Remus kissed them back. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” Sirius sat back, still all flushed and beautiful despite the bags under their eyes.

Remus looked at them for a moment longer before heading upstairs. He wished that everything was better, and he felt how he always felt after a scene. Not that it wasn’t good or he didn’t want it, he was just still in his head too much. At least he could help Sirius out, and bring them down to earth somewhat. They were there, and far more present than they had been the last couple of days. Now Sirius was all floaty, and out of their head for at least a few moments.

Once he got Sirius’ bottoms, he headed back down to the living room. “Here you go, love.”

Sirius was sat in their corner of the sofa, and turned to smile at him when he walked through the door. “Thank you,” they said, taking the sweats from him and pulling them on. “Do you need anything?”

“No, I’m good.” He kissed their forehead before going to move the pastries from the tray. “I’m going to reheat this stuff.”

“Alright. Do you want some company? I can sit at the kitchen table.”

“If you need, yeah.” Remus straightened up, tray in hand.

Sirius bit their lip. “What do you want me to do?”

He paused, halfway to the kitchen. Knowing Sirius disliked being alone after a scene, he nodded towards the kitchen. “Yeah, come on.”

“Alright.” Sirius stood up, bringing their water with them as they followed him into the kitchen.

As he pottered around, Sirius sat at the table holding on to their water. “Do you need anything else aside from the nachos and the tea?”

“No, no,” Sirius said, idly skimming the paper someone had left there yesterday. Any other day Remus would pester them about their reading glasses, but that was too much effort right now. “I want to make sure you are okay, now I can think properly.”

Remus shifted from foot to foot as he watched the kettle. “Oh, I see. I’m fine right now.”

Sirius didn’t answer for a long moment, long enough for the kettle to click off. Frowning, he checked on the nachos. Without looking he was sure Sirius was taking in his movements and watching how tense his shoulders were.

“Is that okay?”

“Of course it’s okay,” they said quickly. “But I know you’re not really okay, and I don’t mean getting off.”

Remus took a deep breath -- or the deepest he could get --, trying not to be annoyed. “I’m not spiralling.”

Sirius tapped their nails against their water glass. “I don’t really believe you, caro.”

“Okay. That’s all right, but I’m not on a spiral. I feel like crap, but not worse or better than before.”

They nodded, letting out a breath. “Okay. Well, whatever you need, I’m here.”

“I know, but I’m taking care of you, and that’s what I need right now.” He started to gather everything back on the tray.

Sirius smiled. “I love you. Thank you for looking after me.”

“You don’t have to thank me, I like doing it.” Picking the tray up, he turned back to the living room. “Come on.”

“I’m the luckiest person in the world.” Sirius followed him into the living room, settling in their corner.

Remus kissed them on the cheek once sitting next to them again. “Tea? A pastry?”

Immediately, they snuggled up to him, resting their head on his shoulder. “Mmm, a pastry. If I can decide which… Pick for me?”

“Yeah.” He looked into the box that had been brought over by his mam the other day. Making choices was such a sticking point at the moment, so he just grabbed something that looked nice. “Here, a mini fruit tart.”

“Thank you Daddy,” they murmured, taking it from him and grabbing his hand to press a kiss to his knuckles.

“You’re welcome. I hope you like it.” Remus picked up his tea with his free hand.

“I’m sure I will. It’s pastry, it’s all great.” Sirius took a bite then made a satisfied noise. “Ah yeah, this is good. Mmm, you’d like this.”

“There’s another, I’ll have it later.”

‘What pastry are you going to have?”

“Nothing yet.” Remus wasn’t that hungry yet, tea was good enough.

“There’s an almond croissant. I feel like you should have that one.” Sirius leaned forward and picked their tea up, their pastry already eaten.

“I’ll try it when I’m hungry.” He pulled his legs up onto the sofa.

“Alright,” Sirius said, hitting play on Bake Off.

Remus brought the mug to his lips, taking a careful sip. He knew Sirius was trying to help him, but he had a feeling nothing would work.


	13. Chapter 13

Sirius had seen this episode of Bake Off more times than was reasonable, but it was their comfort show, and after their impromptu scene, Sirius felt as if they needed something to pull them back even further, and keep them out of their head.

The scene had worked wonders, calmed the voice in their head for even a short while, but now it just gave them space to worry about Remus. He was clearly not okay, and even if he said he wasn’t spiralling, that wasn’t strictly true, nor did it mean he wasn’t at the foot of the spiral already. Sirius was trying to call on everything they’d learned over the years to pull his feelings out of him, but this time felt especially difficult.

With a soft sigh, they put their arm around his shoulder, absently rubbing at the sore muscle there as someone on the television made a huge mistake with their custard. Remus hummed, shifting a little so they could get at his shoulder better.

“That’s good.”

Sirius smiled, setting their tea down so they had both hands free to work. “Your shoulders are always awful.”

“They are. Hanging off rocks for a good part of my life.” Remus kept his eyes on the TV. “I should be doing this for you. Isn’t that what I’m meant to be doing?”

‘No, you’re looking after me by letting me do this.” Sirius dropped a kiss on his shoulder. “You can rub my feet in the bath.”

“Okay.” He took a long sip of his tea.

“Pretty please?” They shifted behind him a little, one hand going into his hair and scratching lightly over his scalp.

“I said okay.” Remus snickered.

“Well I thought I’d sweeten the deal,” Sirius retorted, rubbing in slow circles.

“Mmm, okay.”

“Tell me what’s going through your wonderful head?” They kept up their hand on his shoulder, feeling the knots ease a little.

“Same things as that have been knocking around for the last few days.” Even though the knots were easing, Remus was still tense.

“I know,” they murmured. “But I’d like you to tell me about them, please.”

“You know though.” He leaned into them a little.

“And?”

“I miss Teddy and want her back and I want her to be safe.”

“Me too,” Sirius said softly, circling their nails through his curls. “What else?”

“I don’t know, Sirius…” He trailed off, and Sirius could hear the slight hint of annoyance in his voice.

“Yes, you do.” Sirius knew they were pushing it, but sometimes getting Remus’ feelings out of him was a volatile process. The way they saw it, there were two options: Remus told them how he was feeling and actually got some of his feelings out, or he physically made them stop asking him about it. Both options had similar end results in Sirius’ eyes.

“It just -- it’s all shit.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat, shifted a little.

“ _ It’s all shit _ might be true but not really the thing I’m after here.” Sirius shifted down a little, wrapping one arm around him.

Remus huffed, rubbing a hand over his face. “But it is shit, you know what it feels like.”

“I do.” They kissed his shoulder again. “And I know that talking about it and getting it out is cathartic, and seeing as spankings don’t work for you, I have to be an annoying little shit instead.”

“Ha, sometimes I wish I was into that because I think it’d be easier.”

“If you wanna be rough with me, you can.” Sirius sighed, resting their head on his shoulder. 

“I don’t think I can. I just want to be nice to you and get you things you need.” Once again Remus was chewing at his nails.

As gently as they could, Sirius reached round and pulled his hand away from his mouth, pressing a kiss to his knuckles themselves. “Will you pass me the nachos?”

“Of course.” Once he freed his hand from theirs, he reached forward to get them. “Here.”

Sirius went back to rubbing gently at his shoulders with both hands. “Oh no, both my hands are busy in this very important task. However will I get my nachos from the bowl into my mouth?”

Remus rolled his eyes, lifting one of the nachos to their lips. “Here.”

“Mm, I have never loved you more, thank you.” This, of course, had the added benefit of Remus not being able to chew his nails.

“You say that often. Thank you.” Remus reached for another chip.

“Mhmm, it’s because I love you more and more with every thing you do.”

“That’s good because I feel the same way.”

Sirius ate the chip he held out. “These reheat really good. You’re a nacho master.”

“I’m glad it was a success.” Remus watched them with his usual care. They tilted their head and pressed a lingering kiss to his hand, their eyes closing briefly. They often wished they could look after him the way he did for them. “Shouldn’t eat too much, we have to have some real dinner.”

“Orrrr, we could finish that joint and have more leftovers, either in the bath or in bed?” Sirius snickered.

“I’m not sure I want to finish the joint, but I’ll light it for you.” Remus offered them another nacho. They leaned forward a little to eat it, chewing thoughtfully. Their list of  _ how to get Remus out of his head _ was getting a little short.

“I only want it if it’s both of us.”

The corners of his lips turned down. “Are you sure?”

“Never been surer. I wanna be with you.” Sirius pressed a kiss to the nape of his neck.

“Okay, I just want to be okay if -- if Teddy calls.”

‘Okay. My phone is on loud, and so is yours, right?” They went back to that muscle in his shoulder that seemed perpetually tight.

“Yeah, it’s on loud.” Remus reached for his phone.

“So, until then, will you be here with me? As soon as she calls we’ll go wherever she needs. But right now I need you here, Daddy.”

“I’m here, love.” He pressed a kiss to their temple.

“Promise?”

“Of course, Sirius, I’m here, where do you think I am?” The edge in his voice intensified slightly.

Sirius was determined not to cringe or shy away from that tone; they stayed right where they were. “In your head, in your leaflets, not here. Your body is here but you’re not here.”

“Well, it’s hard to be otherwise, no matter what. So I’m here as well as I can be.” Remus’ hands went back to his mouth, about to bite at his nails again. They quickly shifted to grab his wrists again, holding tightly. “All right, let go, please.”

With a sigh, they let go of his wrists. “I know, you’re doing what you can.”

“I’m here for you though. I’m right here.” He put a hand on their leg.

“I want you to be here for you, too.”

Remus nodded. “I’m trying.”

Sirius rubbed gently at his shoulder again, leaning their forehead against the back of his neck. “Thank you.”

After that episode of Bake Off, and some more nachos, they went upstairs for a bath just like Remus had suggested. Sirius perched against the counter while Remus ran the bath. It was so strange, they were doing all the things they usually did, both of them going through the motions, but it almost felt pretend. Sirius supposed they just had to hold on until Teddy came home.

“It’s all set.” Remus pulled off his shirt after standing up from turning off the taps.

“You always run the best baths,” Sirius said, looking at the orange coloured bubbles atop the water. They had been steadfastly ignoring their dysphoria all day, but now they had to face it. Maybe that would help push Remus back to himself, too.

“I always thought you were the best at it. The bath queen.”

Sirius smiled, flushing a little at the compliment as they drew their shirt off. “We make a good team. I do the bathbombs and you get the temperature just right.”

“Ah, yes.” Remus pushed his sweats down, kicking them away.

“How are you so handsome?” They took a breath, pushing their bottoms and underwear down before stepping somewhat quickly into the water.

“Not as gorgeous as you.” Remus stepped in as well, sitting at the other end of the tub.

Forcing themselves to relax, Sirius sank down to their shoulders, watching him carefully. “No, you,” they said, smiling.

“We’ll be stuck in a loop if we keep going with that.” Remus skimped his hand over the bubbles.

“He says, as if we haven’t done exactly that before.”

Remus smiled, leaning back against the edge of the tub. “Yeah, very true.”

A smile. Sirius stretched one leg out, rubbing the ball of their foot over his calf. “We are the worst saps.”

“Mmm, terrible.” He sighed, his smile disappearing.

“Rub my feet for me? Pretty please?” Sirius watched, wishing more than anything that they could fix this all for him.

“Of course.” His hands wrapped around their foot. “We should repaint the kitchen.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, hoping for a moment he was too preoccupied to catch it. “Yeah? What colour?”

“I don’t know, something lighter. Teddy, she wanted to redo her room so… I don’t know…” His thumb rubbed over their heel.

“We can get things ready to redo her room, hm? Do it with her when she comes back,” Sirius said softly.

“Yeah, but I don’t know what she wants.” He continued on to Sirius’ other foot.

“I know. We can figure things out. I know we talked about paint colours a few months ago.”

“She might not like those anymore.” Remus took a deep breath.

“That’s true. Slow exhale.”

Remus sent them a look. Not a happy one. “And we don’t know… she might not be back. So… the kitchen.”

Sirius raised a confrontational eyebrow, they wouldn’t not try to help him. “She will be back. But we can do the kitchen. What about a pale green?”

“That’d be nice, yeah.” He swallowed, his hand dropping from their foot.

“Or, oh maybe a green blue, to go with the colour of the stand mixer?”

“Whatever you think is right. I’m shit at deciding things like that. You and Teddy have better style.” Remus shifted his legs in the water.

“That’s not true. You’re my best garbage, remember?”

“But you’re better with matching colors and such.” He sniffled. “Teddy wouldn’t let me near the color choices when we did the bathroom over.”

“They are very stubborn, you know it.” Sirius’ hand went to his foot, rubbing softly. 

“Yeah.” Remus looked like he bit the inside of his cheek.

“They’re stubborn and headstrong and our kid through and through.” Sirius rubbed at the arch of his foot.

Remus nodded. “I don’t…”

Sirius waited, still rubbing his foot.

“I don’t know how -- how to keep going like this.” Remus looked up, as if he was trying to stop tears from coming. Sirius gave him the softest look, half hoping that he would just let it out. “I wish, I almost wish I never found it.”

“I don’t. Because now we know.”

“And she's gone and I…” He trailed off again, his voice cracking.

Sirius rubbed his foot still, biting their lip. “And she will come back.”

“It feels like I’m -- I’m mourning a loss.” Finally a sob broke through.

“I know, me too,” they said softly, shifting forward.

Remus’ shoulders shook, his head dropping into his hands. “I-- I don’t know how…”

Sirius moved closer, wrapping their arms around him. They stayed quiet though, letting him talk.

“I don’t know how to keep going.” Another sob bubbled up as he buried his face against their shoulder. Sirius ran their hands through his hair, kissing his temple.

“I know, I know.”

“If I -- I just ignore it its… I don’t know…”

“We know ignoring it doesn’t work, hm?”

“I know.” His arms went around them.

Sirius rubbed his arms, holding him closer and hoping he could let it out.


	14. Chapter 14

Remus couldn’t stop crying now that he started. The sobs seemed to have been buried deep inside of his chest, and now they couldn’t be ignored any longer. “What if she never comes back. What if she -- she hates me?”

Sirius made the softest noise, kissing his temple. “She doesn’t. She text, she said she was safe, and we have to believe she will come back.”

“It feels like I’m -- that we failed her and I…” He tried to take a breath but he couldn’t.

“We didn’t, we didn't,” Sirius said softly, still petting his hair.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want you -- don’t want you upset.” He was so worried that they would slip back into that dark place they had been in.

“I’m not.” They kissed his temple. “I’m okay, I need you to be okay.”

“I don’t know if I…” He wasn’t sure he’d ever be okay without their kid around, but he couldn’t say that. It didn’t want to come out of his mouth. If Teddy never came back it would be impossible to press on as normal.

“I know. Just as okay as we can be.”

“What if she’s l--lying and not safe and she’s hurt or something bad happened?” Remus let out another sob, trying to breath. His brain had been supplying a steady stream of all the terrible things that could be happening to Teddy the last few days. He couldn’t protect her from anything.

“We… we have to trust her.”

“I -- I know.” He pulled back a little, still trying to catch his breath.

“Hi,” Sirius whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Hi.” Remus rubbed his face, his chest twisting. “What’s -- what’s a fucking heart attack feel like because  _ Christ _ .”

“I don’t think you’re having a heart attack, caro.” Sirius rubbed his arm. “Deep breath, breathe with me?”

Remus shook his head. “I can’t.” He pressed a hand to his sternum. “It -- it hurts.”

“I know, my love, I know.” They pressed their hand over his. “Breathe.”

No matter how hard he tried, it just didn’t feel as if his lungs were expanding right. He tried to breathe with them but he couldn’t manage when the breaths got too deep. “I’m -- I’m trying.”

“I know.” They cupped his cheek, tilting his face up a little. “Stay with me.”

“I am.” He hiccoughed.

“I love you, I love you. It’s okay.”

The tears didn’t seem like they were ever going to stop. The first night he had cried some but since then he’d held it all together. “I love you.”

Sirius shifted to sit in his lap, wrapping their arms around his shoulders and holding him tight. He tried another deep breath, but it was still shallow and it still hurt.

“I don’t want to do anything until -- til she’s back.”

“Okay, that’s okay. We can just exist. You’ve just gotta breathe for that.”

He let out a strangled laugh. “I haven’t been able to properly do that since the other night.”

“I know. Sadly it gets more vital the longer it goes on.” Sirius kissed the corner of his mouth.

“I hate this.” Another sob surprised him. “Ah, fuck.”

“Me too.” Sirius just held him tight, running their hands through his hair.

“If -- when she comes back, she’s not going anywhere. I’m just going to sm--smother her in hugs.” He sniffed.

“Me too. We can take a week off, or whatever, and just all be together.”

Remus nodded, knowing Sirius would vibrate out of their skin though. “You work when -- when it all goes wrong.”

“I do, don’t I?” Sirius huffed a laugh. “I’d rather be home when she’s back.”

“Okay.” He took another shaky breath. “Ah, I can’t… I can’t deal with anyone asking questions.”

“You don’t have to. Other people can answer them.”

“Yeah.” He sniffed again. “She -- she would have hated us if we tried to make her stay, right?” Remus had told himself that so many times but he was struggling to believe it. 

“She would, you know it.” They ran their fingers through his hair. “It would’ve been horrible.”

“She would have.” Remus was sure he was attempting to convince himself. “She was going to run no matter what we did.”

“I agree.”

He frowned, holding on to their arms. “Can we go to the bed?”

“Of course.” Sirius kissed his cheek. “Will you get the plug?” They asked, shifting off of him and standing up.

Remus nodded reaching for the plug. He took his time to stand, not sure if he could for a moment. Sirius stepped out and wrapped their towel around them, moving quickly to get bundled up, then turned back to him and held a towel out to him. “Are you okay?” He asked, knowing why they had moved so fast to wrap the towel around themselves.

Sirius shrugged one shoulder, nodding a little. “Just the flesh prison.”

“Right.” He nodded, taking the towel from them to dry off.

“It’s okay, I’m alright.”

“Okay, you -- you don’t need anything?” Remus heard his voice tremble, pulling the towel around himself. He was pretty sure tears were still coming down his cheeks.

“No, caro, I only need you to come to bed and cuddle up with me.” Sirius padded over to him and put their hands on his shoulders, pulling the towel around him a little more.

“It’s still really early.” He sniffled, trying to not sob again.

“I don’t care. We can watch a movie or something.”

Remus nodded, going towards the dresser. “Do you -- you want one of my shirts?”

“Mm, yes please.” Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, bundled up in their own towel.

Doing his best to focus on getting the clothes, Remus managed not to let out another sob for a moment. It still felt as if something was squeezing his lungs each time he took a breath in. “Here.” He handed Sirius a shirt and some fluffy bottoms.

“Thank you,” they said softly, managing to shrug the clothes on without really getting out from under the towel. They tucked their legs up under them, still watching him. “You don’t need to hold back crying, you know. Not with me.”

“I know, I know, I just -- I want to get dressed first.” He let out a hoarse laugh.

“Naked crying is one step too far,” Sirius said, snickering themselves.

“Too much vulnerability.” Remus struggled to get his shirt on. Sirius’ hands were on his arms a moment later, straightening the shirt where he’d gotten caught and pulling it down. “Thank you.” He closed his eyes for a moment, then felt Sirius drop the lightest kiss on his lips.

“You’re so welcome.”

He opened his eyes to find them looking at him. “I need bottoms.”

“Well with that attitude,” they said, smiling as they pulled back to look in the dresser.

“I know you’d rather me bottomless.” Remus uselessly wiped at his cheeks.

“In very specific circumstances, and this isn’t one of them.” Sirius handed him the matching equally fluffy bottoms to the ones they were wearing--a Christmas gift from Hope a few years ago.

“Yeah.” He slowly stepped into them. “We match. Remember when -- when Teddy came out and we joked about getting matching clothes to her new dress?”

Sirius smiled, though it didn’t quite reach their eyes. “It was a very beautiful purple, I think we’d look great matching.”

Remus agreed, grabbing their wrist to pull them to the bed. “Yeah.”

“You suit purple, very much,” they said, climbing into bed.

Remembering that day in the shop, seeing Teddy fully themself made Remus burst into a new round of tears. “Fuck.”

“It’s okay,” Sirius said, wrapping their arms around him again and pulling him against them so he could lay his head on their chest. “It’s alright.”

Remus settled against them, gripping to the shirt they were wearing. He just wanted to be better and wanted Teddy back with them. “We had so many good times.” Remus took another sharp breath in.

“We did, and we will have so many more, caro.” Sirius was pressing kisses into his hair, their hands stroking down his back.

“We will.” He looked up at them through tears. “I just want to help them feel better. I’m sorry for every -- every fucking time I pushed you away.”

Sirius bit their lip, tutting softly. “It’s okay. I know you, I know I have to push back,” they said, kissing his forehead as one of their hands untangled from his hair to thumb away the tears beneath one eye.

“I wish she didn’t get my stubborn gene.” Remus put a hand on his chest again, a sharp pain charging up through his lungs.

“Me too,” Sirius said drily, one hand still stroking his back. “Breathe, caro.”

“I’m trying. I feel like I’m -- I am having a prolonged anxiety attack or something.” Remus attempted another breath through his nose.

Sirius rubbed his back in firmer circles, holding him tight. “Wouldn’t surprise me. Sounds like a very Remus thing to do, hm?” They kissed his temple, their own breathing deep and even.

“Yeah, very me.” Sniffling again, Remus settled back down to snuggle with Sirius.

“I love you. I’m so proud and lucky to have you.”

“My thoughts about you exactly.” He ran his fingers over their ribs. “I haven’t ever -- ever felt like this before. Even after Da died. It’s just, it seems worse.”

“I’m sure it does. It’s allowed to feel horrible, and I promise it will feel better if you let it out?”

Remus sniffed once more. “Yeah, it helped you?”

“Yeah, it did. And also you choking me sort of helped too, but that doesn’t work for you.” Sirius smiled, kissing his forehead again.

“I wish it did. God, why don’t I want to be choked and spanked?” He laughed, but still had tears trailing down his cheeks.

Sirius let out their own laugh, tipping their head back. “I know. Rude of you, really.”

“As if you could deal that -- that stuff out.”

“Oi!” Sirius yelped half-heartedly. “I don’t have to Dom to choke or spank you. You could still be in charge and telling me what to do.”

Remus smiled at the idea of them doing either of those things. “I just don’t see it though.”

Sirius bit their lip. “Well the one time you let me Dom I got you to kneel and then got complete stage fright.”

“It was sweet.” He rubbed his eyes.

“I had all these ideas and then when you just sat there I was like,  _ oh _ , I have to tell him what to do, don’t I?”

“Adorable.”

Sirius huffed, kissing his temple. “I much prefer you doing the telling.”

“I know, I prefer doing the telling too.” He gave their waist a squeeze.

“Mmm, good that we fit together so well.” Sirius’ hand was back in his hair, gently carding through.

“I’d be fucking lost without you, even more so right now.” A few more tears managed to break free.

“Me too, caro,” they said softly, their mouth against his forehead still. “I’m not gonna go anywhere.”

“I’m not -- not either.”


	15. Chapter 15

Day nine since Teddy had left. The longer it went on, the harder Sirius found it to stay positive. They wanted so desperately to believe that Teddy was going to turn up on the doorstep tomorrow, then tomorrow, then the weekend, then the beginning of the week, but it never happened. 

Every day, Sirius or Remus sent them a text, saying that they loved Teddy and to be safe, and every day Teddy replied with  _ I’m safe _ and nothing more. They had also decided, almost without really talking about it, to make sure someone was in the house at all times, just in case Teddy did turn up. It was good that they were staying vigilant, their phones always on loud, but Sirius was tired, and realising how much they relied on Remus’ presence to keep them sane when they only really saw each other when they crawled into bed.

They had seen Arabella twice more, to talk through some more plans and ideas, and how to best proceed when Teddy did come back. They were figuring out how to function without them around, and were slowly finding a routine of work and frankly, not much else. But it would do, for now. Like they had both said, they needed to just survive right now.

It was Sunday morning, and somehow, both of them had the day off. Sirius felt like they were practically scratching at the walls, though, so after they had settled back in bed next to a sleeping Remus, with their obligatory cup of coffee, they were scrolling through their phone, trying to think of something they could do today.

Remus shifted closer to them, cuddling up but not opening his eyes just yet. “Hi,” he mumbled. Sirius couldn’t be sure if Remus was awake yet or not.

Sirius smiled, shuffling down a little. “Morning caro,” they murmured, wondering whether today was a full-conversation-whilst-asleep kind of morning.

“Sleep well?” He yawned, his arm flinging across their chest.

“Mm, well enough. Did you?”

“Yeah.” Remus pressed a kiss to their side. “Did you text them yet?”

“Mhmm, I did. They haven’t replied yet, but it’s still early.” Sirius set their phone down and wrapped their free arm around him.

“Yeah.” He yawned.

Sirius pressed a quick kiss to the top of his head. “We should do something today.”

He shifted a little, opening his eyes finally to look up at them. “Something that’s not sitting at home?”

“Yeah… even if it’s just for an hour or two? I’m sick of these four walls.”

Remus nodded, moving to sit up a little. “Yeah, that’s okay. What should we do?” He grabbed the mug from their hand.

Sirius chuckled. “What if one of us spontaneously decided to have their tea or coffee a different way, hm? I’m not sure. Something… seasonal? It’s Halloween.”

“As if we’d change our coffee or tea.” He scoffed before taking a sip. “Nearly Halloween, yeah. There’s probably something. We should get a pumpkin.”

“Good job we’re creatures of habit when it comes to certain things.” Sirius smiled, watching him. “Yeah, let’s get a pumpkin, maybe we can carve it tonight?” They bit their lip, thinking for a moment. “Oh, there’s the pick your own place?”

“That sounds nice.” He pressed a kiss to their shoulder.

Sirius leaned into him, kissing his cheek. “Shall I check the opening times?”

“Yeah, love.” Remus sighed, handing their coffee back.

“Satisfactory coffee?” Sirius chuckled, taking a sip themselves.

“It’s nice.” He tucked a piece of their hair behind their ear before kissing them on the cheek.

Sirius leaned into him, sighing softly. “Hi caro.”

“Hi, my pearl.” He hand came up to their back. “Thank you for thinking about getting us out. It’s a good idea.”

“Thank you.” Sirius kissed his cheek, grabbing their phone to google the pick your own place. “Oh, oh, Remus! They have a corn maze!”

Remus chuckled, a deep laugh that he hadn’t really had for the last 9 days. It didn’t sound forced or all weird. “I guess we’re doing a corn maze.”

Sirius smiled at him, so happy to hear him laugh. “Can we?”

“Of course, it might be good to get ourselves lost.”

“Mhmm. We can take it slow this morning then head out?”

“That sounds good. We could do an afternoon thing.” His hand slid down their spine.

“Yeah.” Sirius ducked their head and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

“Love you.”

“I love you too, so much. There’s more coffee downstairs.”

“Do you want me to make you breakfast in bed?” Remus kissed them once more before shifting to get out of bed.

“Mm, that would be very nice. What shall we have?” Sirius wriggled down in the bed.

“Yeah, stay comfy, I’ll be back.” He stretched his arms up above his head for a moment. “I’ll surprise you.”

Sirius bit their lip, watching him. Even with them both run off their feet and trying to keep it together, he was so gorgeous. “You are so handsome. Morning Remus is my favourite.”

“I fancy morning Sirius quite a bit as well.” He trailed over to their side of the bed, dropping a kiss on their lips. Sirius chuckled, leaning up to meet him and lingering close for a moment. “Breakfast.”

“Mmm, in a minute? Stay here and kiss me a bit.”

He laughed, putting his hand on their cheek and sitting on the edge of the bed. “Okay.”

“You’re so easily swayed,” Sirius murmured, kissing him again.

“I like making sure that my princess is happy.” Remus smiled against their lips, thumb stroking over their cheek. They couldn’t help a shiver, leaning into him and sliding a hand around to the nape of his neck. “You’re very sweet, mmm, this morning.”

“I like being sweet for you. I’m feeling very grateful for you.”

Remus nipped at their bottom lip before pulling back a little. “Yeah? Me too. I’m so happy for having you in my life.”

“Mmm, so happy. You’re the best. I could kiss you forever.”

“I know you could.” He brought them into another kiss, his tongue teasing into their mouth. Sirius groaned, pulling him closer as they curled their tongue against his. They were sure they’d be able to entice him back to the bed properly. Long, lovely fingers, teased at the hem of their shirt for a moment before Remus broke the kiss. “I think you’re getting a little off track here.”

‘We never specified what breakfast entailed,” they murmured, smiling despite the shudder they gave at his touch.

“Ah, I see, of course. How silly of me.” His hand flattened against their back.

Sirius chuckled, kissing the corner of his mouth. “Well, if you’d rather breakfast than snogging me in bed…”

“No, no kissing is good even if I am hungry.” Remus chased after their lips with his own.

“Knew it.” Sirius smiled into the kiss, leaning up so they could pull him back down into the bed. 

Remus let himself be pulled, his hand rucking up their shirt as he continued to kiss them back. Sirius shuddered, arching a little to help or encourage him as they tangled their hands in his hair. “When, ah, when am I ever not going to want to make out with you like a teenager?”

Sirius snickered, nipping his bottom lip and stroking their tongue over the same spot. “Mm, it is one of our favourite pastimes.”

“Mmmhmm.” Remus’ nails grazed down their back. Sirius gasped softly, scratching their nails through his hair as they deepened the kiss. Working his fingers back up, his tongue tangled with Sirius’. Sirius shifted a little, wrapping their leg around his hips and pulling him closer. “I should get us breakfast,” he mumbled half heartedly.

“Mm, I suppose.”

Remus chuckled against their mouth, “Maybe, huh?”

“It is a little hard to want breakfast when you’re between my legs, Daddy.” Sirius wrapped their arm around his shoulders.

“I know, you want a different sort of breakfast as always.”

They laughed, kissing along his jaw. “You know me very well.”

“I really do.”

“I’m sure there’s something you can eat here too,” they whispered, nuzzling down to beneath his ear.

“There is? Whatever could that be?”

Sirius grinned, lifting their hips a little to press against his. “Mmm, I have a few suggestions.”

“Ah, yeah.” Remus let out a soft moan. Sirius bit their lip, so happy to see him relaxing even a little. It wouldn’t fix anything but it would make things easier just for a moment. His fingers slid up their back again as he pressed a kiss to their jaw.

“Mmhmm, just an idea or two. You know I love your mouth.”

“I know. I love your mouth too.” Remus smiled softly at them. “I’m just not up for it right now.”

Sirius smiled, dropping a quick kiss at the corner of his mouth. “Okay. Breakfast then? Real food I mean.”

“Yeah, I could be nice for you if you wanted.” His lips pressed to their jaw.

“Mmm. I wanna have fun with you, so I don’t mind.”

“Okay.” Remus pressed up against them. “Can I get up and get us breakfast then?”

Sirius bit their lip to stifle a groan, sinking into the bed. “Mm yes please. Breakfast in bed.”

“Perfect.” Remus sat up. “Be back in a bit.” He got off the bed before slipping out of the room. Sirius wolf-whistled as he walked away before flopping back into the sheets themselves. It felt odd to breathe easily and laugh when Teddy was down in London somewhere and they had no idea whether they were okay, but Sirius had said often enough in the past nine days that they needed to look after themselves to make sure they could be there for Teddy when they needed their parents.

Sometime later, Remus came through with their breakfast. Really, they smelt the bacon and waffles long before he even got to the door. “Here we go.”

“Mm, that smells so good. You’re the best.” Sirius sat up, leaning back against the pillows.

“Good, I’m glad.” He chuckled, settling next to them on the bed. “Are you all right?”

“I’m good. Just resting, we’ve worked so much, haven’t we?”

“Yeah.” He picked up his mug. “I feel like I’m having a sex mind block.” Remus snorted.

Sirius shrugged, taking a drink of their own coffee. “It’s okay if you are. But if you want to have sex, we can work at it.”

“I know it’s okay,” Remus said as he waved a hand. “I just wanted to voice it.”

“Thank you for voicing it, caro.” Sirius leaned in and kissed him, before plucking a piece of bacon off the plate.

“Mmm, I’m much better than I used to be.” He took a long drink of his coffee. “I’m in my head too much, of course.”

“I know you are, and ironically enough, usually sex gets you out of your head.” 

“That’s what’s difficult. I’ve been able to get you off though, and that helps some. Maybe doing something fun will help today.” He plucked up a strawberry.

“Yeah, we can go to the corn maze and get a pumpkin and put some records on when we get home?” Sirius leaned in and took a bite of the strawberry before he could.

“Light some fall candles and snuggle up.” He scrunched up his face. “Such a brat.”

Sirius grinned, chewing the strawberry before they dropped a quick kiss on his lips. “That sounds lovely.”

He hummed before going to get another strawberry. “A proper fall day. It’s meant to be gloomy, but not rain all day, so that’s good.”

“I like gloomy, and when it gets cold we can snuggle up.” Sirius grabbed a fork and tucked into some waffles.

“We’ll have to dress in our fall best, of course.” He nudged them.

“Oooh, all chunky scarves and jumpers, boots and thick socks.” Sirius smiled. “Or are you thinking costume?”

“The first one.” Remus got a forkful of waffles.

“Oh good, because I don’t have a costume thought out at all.”

“No, I don’t think we’re up for any sort of halloween parties this year.” He pressed a kiss to their cheek.

“No, I don’t think so.” Sirius sighed softly, thinking about their birthday. They weren’t going to do anything this year. They were sure Remus hadn’t planned a party like he usually did, and they absolutely weren’t in the mood to throw one themselves.

“That’s okay, we can just be peak fall this afternoon.”


	16. Chapter 16

It had now been over a week since Teddy had left. Their lives were being lived in some strange liminal space for now. Everything seemed so uneven to Remus, but at least he wasn’t on the verge of a breakdown after crying everything out last Friday. Sirius had been doing better as well, and all they could really do for now was support one another, so that was what they were doing.

Sirius’ idea to get out of the house was a good one. They both had been trudging through the week, working different times, and just living for the moments they had together. A Sunday out in the open enjoying the fall seemed like a good distraction. They were going to get a pumpkin after going through the maze. There were some places selling treats -- which they finally had run out of all the things his mam had brought by.

“I’m thinking maze first  _ then _ maybe get some treats and a pumpkin. I can’t imagine walking around with things in this maze.” Remus parked up in the gravel parking area.

“That sounds like a good idea. Treats can be our reward after the maze.” Sirius undid their seatbelt, looking around.

“I bet it’s not that hard.” Remus opened his door.

“Nah, I don’t think so.” Sirius got out themselves, pulling their hat down a little. “Oh it’s so Halloween-y.”

Remus looked around to see carved pumpkins everywhere and some scarecrows. Hay bales were covered in fake spiderwebs and there were some spooky looking masks just sort of hanging around on them. “It looks very quaint.” Remus held out his hand to them.

“I used to love when all of London was covered in Halloween stuff when I was a kid.” They took his hand, pressed a kiss to the back of it, then started towards the main booth.

“Yeah?” Remus smiled at them as they trudged through the slightly muddy field towards the booth to pay for their entrance to the maze. “Of course you did.”

Sirius bit their lip, glancing across to him. “When I was really young I used to think the decorations were for my birthday and they were just a few days too early.”

Remus frowned thinking of little Sirius not having a birthday party and finding some comfort and happiness around them. “Oh god, Sirius.”

“It’s okay!” They chuckled. “It’s fine really. I like Halloween now for different reasons.”

He leaned into them, getting into the queue. Christ, he hated the Blacks even though they were both now long gone. “I’m glad you do. Glad we have better Halloweens.” Sadly it didn’t seem like they were going to have much of a birthday this year though. He had been putting off planning because of Teddy, and Remus knew without Teddy they wouldn’t be able to celebrate.

“We really do.” Sirius kissed his cheek, squeezing his hand as they moved up the queue.

This year was far different. He nearly brought up past Halloweens with Teddy, but they were trying to have a decent day. He didn’t want to live in melancholy right now. “I can smell the food from here.” Taking a deep breath, he could smell chocolate and cinnamon and various fall spices in the air.

Sirius grinned. “Me too. Oh! Can I get a candy apple?”

“Yeah, you can. I hope they have doughnuts.”

“I’m sure they will. It’s a must.” Sirius rested their head on his shoulder. “Oh, remember the Christmas market stall, with the whisky hot chocolate? That was so perfect.”

“Yes, that was so good. I can’t believe those people ruined the stall not being around by getting too drunk.” He huffed, taking his wallet out as they were a person away.

“I know! So rude of them, ruined it for the rest of us!”

“Oh, we should make our own tonight when we get back. We can have some sweets and hot cocoa after dinner while we get all snuggly.” Remus kissed their cheek, going to pay.

Once they had the tickets, Remus turned back to Sirius. They were smiling at him in that soft way, and kissed him briefly. “Shall we?”

“Yeah.” He wrapped an arm around them, going towards the entrance of the maze. “I feel like this is strangely romantic.”

Sirius laughed, leaning into him. “Working together and problem solving? But also, I suppose, getting lost in the dark corners. It could be out of one of your novels if it were nighttime and a masquerade ball.”

“That’s more like one of your bodice rippers.” Remus stepped between the stalks of corn.

“Oh yeah. The love interest tells our main character to meet them in the centre of the maze at midnight, and what else awaits our hero if not their paramour, starkers and horny?” Sirius grinned, tugging him a little further into the maze then down the first available fork.

“Have you been writing lately?” He snickered, looking around. The corn was so tall he didn’t have a chance to see over it, and it wasn’t so busy that they were being rushed. It was oddly calming.

“Ha! No, but I can think of five novels off the top of my head with that exact plot point… only more flowery language and lots of badly written historical dialogue, and, of course, the raging cishet normalcy.”

“Mmm, not all of them are that bad... the one you read with the polyamorous relationship, that was good?” Remus remembered when Sirius read the reveal of the relationship and screamed so loud they almost blew his eardrums.

“No, that one was good.” They looked over at him for a moment. “Or that raunchy one I read to you that time, you liked that one hm?”

“Yeah, the one where I made you…” Remus trailed off not wanting to speak it because he was sure that the corn didn’t exactly keep sound in. But they were probably thinking of the time Sirius was punished with the vibrating plug and made to read that really raunchy book. Yep, Sirius was definitely thinking of that, because they flushed bright red and looked away down another turn in the maze.

“That one too, yeah.”

“Thought so.” He pulled them down a curving part of the maze.

“I can’t reread that anymore, you know.” Sirius smiled, leaning close. “Though there was that historical one you took a fancy to.”

“Which once?” Remus hummed.

“The one that mashed together like, a tonne of historical romances and just made it filthy. There was the scene in Atonement but, well, more filth.”

“Oh, right, yeah.” He felt himself flush now.

Sirius let out a snicker. “I will always love how much even the mention of that scene gets you.”

“It’s an excellent scene.”

“Oh, I know it is.” Sirius stopped just as Remus realised they came to a dead end. “Oh fuck.”

“How did this happen?” Remus looked behind them. “We should have went the other way at the fork.”

“Yeah, let’s backtrack.” Sirius started back again, looking determined. “You know I’m never going to let you forget about the library scene.”

“I hope not. Especially after our good reenactment -- not the one that Reggie messed up.” He led them back towards where they had taken the fork.

Sirius grimaced. “Yeah, not that one. The better time. There was even one of those bookcase ladders. Though I do feel a little bad for the Airbnb owners.”

“Ha, we did our best to clean up and fix that shelf… they never charged us for it.” He grimaced thinking about how they got a little too into it.

“They should expect it really. Give people a library with a ladder and tout it as a historically romantic getaway, of course they’re going to fuck against the bookca--”

“Shhh!” Remus clamped a hand over their mouth. “Sirius, there’s kids around.”

Sirius laughed against his hand, leaning into him. He shook his head, unsurprised by them, of course.

“You’re a brat,” he whispered. Sirius just wrapped their arm around his shoulders, the smile clear on their face even with Remus’ hand over their mouth.

“Mhmm.”

With an eyeroll, he dropped his hand. “Let’s try to keep it PG.”

“I’ll be on my best behaviour,” Sirius said sweetly.

“Good, or no candied apple.” They got back to the fork again.

“Rude,” Sirius huffed, but kept a hold of his hand and pulled him down the other path.

“I’ll be eating all my sweets and you’ll have to watch.”

“You wouldn’t.”

Remus grinned at them. “You know that I would.”

They just huffed again, rolling their eyes. “I never should’ve let you and Dorky swap tips.”

“It’s not  _ that _ bad.” Of course Remus would never hold back the sweets, but it sounded like a good punishment.

“Oh sure, because you’re the one dishing it out,” Sirius retorted, sticking their tongue out.

Remus kissed them on the cheek again, which was cool from the crisp fall air. “Are you warm enough?”

Sirius rolled their eyes again, as if they didn’t like him doting on them. They were smiling though, cheeks pink. “I’m warm. It’s just cold but I’m not freezing.”

“Good, I won’t worry about you then. Nor will I warm you up or offer you my jacket if needed.”

“Errr, I never said that.” They nudged him in the side. “Feel free to warm me up, I’m freezing.”

Snickering, Remus wrapped his arm around them, pulling them close as they walked on, taking another fork in the corn. Sirius leaned in and nudged their nose beneath the edge of Remus’ hat so they could press a kiss to his ear. “Thank you Daddy.”

“Welcome, baby.” He rubbed his hand up and down their arm. “We must be going the right way.” Remus glanced around again. There was a younger couple up ahead of them bickering.

“Mm, it looks like it. Oh god, we’re gonna have to pass them.”

He tried not to snort a laugh. “They’re really arguing over this,” he spoke softly.

“What is there to argue over? No left, no right, no left! If you go wrong just turn around?”

“You act as if we’re not both stubborn and competitive. Though, we wouldn’t argue over something like this.” Remus watched as the girl put her hand on her hips, coming to a stop.

“Oh no, the key is it’s something you care about. Monopoly? I will ruin you.” Sirius leaned into him, biting their lip and speeding up a little.

“Yes, my love.” He smiled at the couple as they passed them. They both looked miserable.

Sirius was quiet until they were a few feet ahead. “Oh god, they both look so grumpy?”

“Very grumpy. That’s too bad, it’s such a nice day.”

“You know, this has made me feel better in many ways?” Sirius kissed his cheek then turned down another fork. “Things are far from okay but at least we aren’t arguing in a corn maze.”

He hummed in agreement. “I don’t think we would have ever argued in a corn maze.”

“I hope not.” Sirius slowed down at another fork. “Which way?”

Remus paused, trying to orient himself. “I feel like we should go left.”

They grinned, heading down the left path. “You are so adorable.”

“How so?” Remus pulled them along.

“Besides your general state of being? You’re just adorable, your cheeks are all pink and freckly and you have a very specific thinking face when you’re trying to get your bearings and it’s so cute.”

“Oh, you’re far more adorable I think.” He pulled them closer as they walked, their boots squishing in the mud.

“Oh yeah? How’d you figure that?” Sirius grinned, wrapping their arm around his waist.

“This beanie and your little smile and your cheeks all flushed. Not to mention you’re always the most adorable.”

They bit their lip, pressing their cold nose against his cheek. “It’s cold, I like this beanie!”

“I didn’t say I disliked your beanie! It’s very cozy looking, the color looks very nice on you.”

“Mm, thank you.”

Remus let out a long sigh, feeling relaxed for the first time in 9 days. “This was a really good idea, love.”

Sirius’ smile widened, squeezing their arm around him. “I’m so glad. I’m having a nice time.”

“Me too. It’s not perfect, how I’m feeling but I’m -- I feel more relaxed than I have been and that’s good.”

“Yeah, we can’t be feeling perfect right now, but we can be kind to ourselves?”

“That’s true.” Remus rested his head on their shoulder. “We’ll make them jealous, tell them they missed out on this maze.”

“Yeah, why not? We can see if it’s still here, when they’re back.”

“Yeah, I like that.” He grinned, thinking about how it would be good to be there as a family. He had to have the faith that it would happen.


	17. Chapter 17

Sirius didn’t want to get out of the car. It was warm in there thanks to the heating, and although the house was also warm, there was the ten seconds  _ between _ the car and the house that they didn’t want to go through. 

“This is legitimately the worst part of winter.”

“Aww poor princess.” Remus closed the door behind him.

“Okay, okay here we go,” Sirius said, shooting him a grin before they got out the car and hurried to the front door, pulling their keys from their coat pocket.

“I thought it wasn’t freezing.” Remus was struggling with the pumpkin and a bag of sweets.

“It wasn’t earlier but now it is!” Sirius opened the door, hopeful for half a second when Bucky wasn’t immediately at the door--maybe Teddy was back and Bucky was saying hello to them. But a moment later Bucky appeared in the doorway looking sleepy. Sirius was trying to put their worries aside for a while, just tonight with Remus. “Do you want a hand carrying things?”

“No, I got it.” He made it up the front step into the house. “Should we get into our comfiest sweats and make hot cocoa before or after we carve the pumpkin?”

“Sweats first, then maybe cocoa whilst we carve the pumpkin?” Sirius patted Bucky as they went inside, then pulled off their coat and scarf.

“That sounds nice.” Remus went towards the kitchen. “Come up and get changed then.”

“Should I bring you anything?” They asked, pausing on their way to the stairs. It had been a wonderful day so far, the maze was a little confusing, but they made their way out and got sweets on a slow walk around the rest of the pick your own. Tonight was going to be just as wonderful. 

“No, I’m coming up too,” he called from the kitchen.

“Alright!” Sirius climbed the stairs, with a quick glance to Teddy’s room to make sure she wasn’t here, then went into the bedroom to get changed.

Only a minute later, Remus was padding into the room, his cheeks still a little pink from the cool weather. “I’m looking forward to some spiked hot cocoa.”

“Mmm, me too.” Sirius had their sweats on by the time he reappeared, and padded over to wrap their arms around him, kissing his cheek. “Your cheeks are all pink.”

“Yours are too.” He kissed their cheek in return. “I’m sure my curls look much worse after being trapped under a hat all afternoon.”

Sirius grinned, ruffling his hair. “It’s adorable. You’re so bloody gorgeous.”

“Not as gorgeous as you.” Remus rubbed his hands over their arms.

“Nuh-uh. You’re warming me up too, you’re so nice to me.” Sirius cuddled up to him. They probably should put a sweater on but they were pressed against Remus and didn’t really want to move.

“That’s what we’re supposed to do on a cold fall night, right?” He kissed them on the top of their head.

“Mhmm, exactly.”

“I can warm you up more once I get changed into something comfy.” Wrapping his arms around them, he pressed a few more kisses to their cheek.

“That means moving though,” Sirius murmured, tilting their head back.

“Poor thing.” He moved them back towards the dresser, keeping his arms around them. They grinned, padding back with him as they nuzzled along his jaw. Dropping one hand, Remus reached for a sweater for Sirius. “Here, put this on.”

“You’re the best, ever.” They nipped his jaw before stepping back and holding their arms out, pulling it on.

Remus just grinned at them as he went to pull off the sweater he had worn out. Sirius straightened their own sweater, hair going all frizzy and static and stayed right there to watch him, just wanting to be close. “Enjoying the view?” He pushed off his jeans.

“Mmmm, yes I am Daddy.”

“I thought so,” he said before turning to rummage through his drawers. “What should I wear?”

Sirius bit their lip. “Nothing isn’t an acceptable answer, is it?”

“No, I’ll be cold.”

“I suppose. Maybeeee, these sweats,” Sirius said, pulling out some of his comfiest, fluffiest sweats.

“Got it.” He unfolded them, shaking them out a bit. “These are very nice. What about top?”

“This one.” Sirius grinned, gesturing to the shirt with graffiti style climbing hands, with tape and chalk all over them.

Remus chuckled as he took the shirt. “Remember the hand position one that you stole from me and wore to death?”

Sirius snickered. “I remember, the one you wore on our second date. It was my favourite.”

“Mmmhmm. I remember you wearing it the most though, you wore it so much that it was basically see through when we had to get rid of it.” After pulling on the shirt, he picked up a zip-up hoodie to shrug on.

“I was very sad, couldn’t use it as pyjamas,  _ apparently _ .”

“It was falling apart every time it was touched.” He took their hand again, going for the door. Sirius pressed a kiss to his knuckles, keeping his hand against their mouth and nipping the skin.

“I suppose.”

“It had to be retired, but we have this one. These are nice hands.” Remus turned his head away from Teddy’s door as they passed by to the stairs.

“They are very nice hands. Not as nice as yours, of course.” Sirius tried not to think about Teddy’s empty room, kissing his fingers again.

“Of course.” Remus led them down the stairs and back to the kitchen. “What should we carve on the pumpkin?”

“Hmm, something… something funny.”

“Want to look up some ideas while I make the cocoa?” He kissed them on the cheek.

“Sure,” they hummed, kissing back before sitting at the kitchen table and pulling their phone from their pocket.  _ Funny pumpkin carving _ , they typed in, and after only a moment of scrolling saw an idea that made them shriek with laughter. “Oh my god, Remus! Remus! Look at this!”

“What is it?” He asked as he stepped away from the pantry.

Sirius held their phone out to him, showing a line of pumpkins in various bondage gear, with the phrase ‘Halloween is coming, but not until I say so’ beneath. They were still trying not to cry from laughing. When Remus saw it, he broke into laughter as well, letting out a snort at first.

“Oh god! That’s hilarious!” Remus’ shoulders shook with his laughs.

“We’re not doing that though. I’m not putting any pretty harnesses on a pumpkin.”

“No, way. What a waste that would be.” He dropped a kiss to their lips before going over to the stove. Sirius definitely didn’t get a good look at his arse as he did.

“Okay, I’ll keep looking… oh, whoa. Some of these are so detailed? There’s someone pole dancing… badly, but who has the patience to carve that into a pumpkin?”

“Not me, that’s for sure.” Remus clattered around looking for supplies to make the cocoa.

“Me neither,” Sirius agreed, going back to scrolling through some more. “Oh! Here’s one shaped like an arse! With hands on it and an arsehole and everything… Jesus.”

Remus made a face, scrunching up his nose. “We want that on display?”

“Absolutely not. Why don’t we just do something simple? Just a good ol’ classic pumpkin face? Neither of us have the patience for anything fancy.”

“We really don’t.” Remus started the stovetop. “Is there anything cute we can do with it?”

“I’d rather be snuggling… ah! Oh, can we do one of those tiny face ones?”

“Tiny face ones?” Sirius was sure that he was raising an eyebrow.

“Yes! You’ve not seen these? Here!” They scrolled quickly then held out a photo of a pumpkin with a face that had to only be an inch or so big. It was so cute and stupid.

“Ha! That’s so dumb but I love it.” He chuckled.

“Isn’t it?” Sirius grinned, setting their phone down. “I wanna do that.”

“Okay, let’s do that then.” He stirred the cocoa. “Nearly done.”

“Shall I get the whisky, are we spiking this?”

“Yes, get the whisky.”

“Pretty please,” Sirius chided, squeezing his side briefly before they went to the bar cart.

“Yes, love. Please get the whisky.” He smiled over at them. They were sure that Remus hadn’t smiled so much in the last nine days as he had today. That felt like a weight off their shoulders, because they were so worried about him. They took a deep breath as they retrieved one of their less smoky whiskies from the cart, then set it back next to the stove, wrapping their arms around Remus’ middle. “Thank you. Do you want to pick a record to put on as well?” He relaxed against them.

“Yes! What kind of mood, caro?”

“Something cozy.”

“Okay.” They gave his middle another squeeze before going into the living room and over to the bookcases--they really needed to sort it out and make some space, but that was their least favourite job. It only took them a few moments to decide on  _ An Evening with Billie Holliday _ , taking their time to set it all up. The opening notes started just as they went back to the kitchen.

“Oh nice.” Remus was pouring the whisky between the mugs.

Sirius wrapped their arm around his middle, leaning into him. “Mmm, cosy enough?”

“Very much so.” He grinned again, nuzzling their cheek. “Let’s carve the pumpkin then get to sweets and cuddles.”

“Perfect,” they hummed, kissing the corner of his mouth. “It’s so good to see you smiling, caro.”

“Yeah? It’s a little easier to smile and breathe, I still have that hollow feeling in my chest.” After a sigh, he picked up a mug.

“Yeah, it’s easier, and I think that’s all we can go for right now, huh?” They mirrored him, picking up the other mug and starting for the living room.

“Yeah.” Remus paused. “We need carving tools.”

Sirius bit their lip. “Maybe we should do this in the kitchen, though.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Your brain’s on cuddles, isn’t it?”

“Yep.” Sirius grinned, wrapping their arms around him. “We could just go right for cuddles.”

“What about the pumpkin and sweets?” He chuckled, wrapping his hands around his mug.

“Sweets now, pumpkin later?” They asked, giving Remus their sweetest, most convincing grin.

“You’re very hard to resist.” Remus picked up the bag the sweets were in.

“Mmmm, I know.” Sirius kissed his cheek.

“You’re very lucky I can’t resist you for the most part.” He slipped by them into the living room.

Sirius chuckled, following him into the room. “For the most part, except for when I’m tied up and asking for it?”

“That’s different, but you normally get what you want anyway.” He set his mug and the bag down on the coffee table.

“It’s almost like  _ someone _ indulges me,” they sing-songed, sitting on the sofa.

“Almost.” He dragged the coffee table closer to the sofa so they didn’t have to lean too far away to reach it.

Sirius smiled watching him. Sweets and hot cocoa whilst cuddling Remus was going to be the best way to spend the evening. “Perhaps even enjoys indulging me.”

“Possibly.” Remus sat down before going to pull out the food they got. Some doughnuts, a candied apple, some artisan candies, and popcorn. They didn’t waste a moment to cuddle up against Remus, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

“What are you going for first?”

“A doughnut, I think.” Remus opened the cinnamon sugar covered doughnuts.

“Oooh. Can I have my candy apple?” Sirius dropped another kiss on his shoulder.

“Of course, princess.” He handed them the large apple, holding onto his doughnut in his mouth. Sirius grinned, taking the apple and eagerly starting to unwrap it.

“How are the doughnuts?”

“Mmmmmm.” Remus hummed after taking a bite.

He looked so adorable even whilst chewing a huge bite of doughnut. Sirius chuckled, happily taking a bite of their candy apple before they turned towards him a little, tucking their legs up onto the sofa.


	18. Chapter 18

Remus finished the doughnut before wrapping his arm around Sirius. It had been such a beautiful fall day, and Remus was glad that he was actually able to breathe. Even though nothing was perfect at the moment, Remus needed this little escape for a few hours because he was starting to get worn out. Now they were home cuddling with sweets and spiked cocoa, and Remus was grounded for the moment.

“‘s a good doughnut.” He grabbed his mug before turned to look at Sirius. They gave him a smile, nibbling at the edge of the candy apple.

“Save one for me?”

“Maybe  _ one _ .” Remus licked his lips of the stray sugar.

Sirius made a little noise before they leaned forward and kissed him quickly, licking the crystals of sugar from his bottom lip. Remus laughed into the kiss, his free hand resting on their shoulder.

“Sorry should have saved that all for you.”

“Mmhm, how rude,” Sirius murmured, smiling wryly. “It is good.”

“Sorry, my love.” He snickered before kissing them softly.

They smiled, leaning a little closer as they kissed back. “I forgive you,” they mumbled, nipping his lip.

“Thank goodness. How’s the apple?” Remus took a sip of his cocoa.

“It’s good, crunchy and sugary and apple-y.” Sirius took another bite as they sat back a little.

“Apple-y.”

“Duh, of course a candy apple tastes apple-y.”

“Shocking.” He brushed a hand through their hair. “You’re the sweetest.”

Sirius bit their lip, leaning into his touch. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, even sweeter when you taste like a candy apple.” Remus nudged at their cheek with his nose.

“Mm, me and sugary things is a sweet combination, too.”

“Oh yes, the sweetest.” He nipped at their bottom lip. Sirius smiled, tilting their head to kiss him a little deeper, their free hand going to the nape of his neck. “I see your plans for us not to carve a pumpkin was really about us snogging.”

“Are you complaining?”

“Of course not.” Remus kissed them again, swiping his tongue over their lip.

Sirius nipped at his lip in return. “Maybe snogging  _ and _ also eating sweets.”

“I like both of those things quite a bit.” Remus moved so he could set his mug down on the table.

“If only there was some way to combine them both…” Sirius said pointedly.

“Hmmm, whatever do you mean?” He sat back against the sofa again.

“Ohh, I don’t know.” They took a bite of their apple.

Remus grinned, going to kiss them as soon as the apple moved from their lips. Sirius chuckled against his mouth, their arms going around his shoulders as they eagerly kissed back. Their lips were sweet from the candy glaze on the apple, making Remus hum into the kiss. He wrapped a hand around their thigh, gripping a little like he knew they liked.

Sure enough, Sirius let out a little noise, tilting their head to try and deepen the kiss. He chuckled into the kiss, teasing his tongue into their mouth as his other hand slid down their back. Their free hand went to tangle into his hair, the other still holding their apple as they arched against him.

“You’re really snogging me with an apple in your hand right now.” He laughed, moving to place tiny kisses down their jaw.

“Would you prefer my hand to be elsewhere?” Sirius asked, tilting their head. They let out a gasp over one particularly sensitive bit.

“I’d rather your hand on me.” His lips feathered down to their neck. “But I understand that the apple must be so good.”

“Mm, tastes good, doesn’t it?” Sirius scratched his scalp a little. “Maybe if you let me move I’d put it down.”

“Of course, princess.” Remus shifted to let Sirius move, grinning at them. They dropped another kiss on his lips before pulling back, leaning over to put their candy apple down on the wrapper. “I’m still not sure about sex, but I’m very sure about kissing you until my lips are tingling.” He hoped that he’d get over whatever it was stopping him because he did want to do it. The thought was appealing but… who the hell knows.

“I am more than happy for the latter.”

“I know you are.” He wrapped his arms around them again, pulling them closer. Sirius just chuckled, wrapping their arms around his shoulders, both hands going into his hair this time. “This is perfect.” Remus nipped at their bottom lip.

“It really is,” Sirius murmured, humming in appreciation when he nipped their lip.

“Wanna get in my lap?” He knew the answer to that question before they could even reply. They made a little noise of disbelief before moving forward to climb into his lap, pressing close. “Well, that’s a yes.” His hands settled on their hips.

“As if you didn’t know that already.” They smiled, leaning in to kiss him again.

“I know, silly me.” His fingers wiggled to get under the hem of their sweater.

Sirius jumped, arching a little as they laughed. “Cold fingers.”

“I’m warming them up.” Sliding his fingers up further, he kissed at their neck again.

“Mm, I see,” they hummed, tipping their chin up and shivering.

“Your skin’s very warm.” He grazed his teeth over where he had kissed.

Sirius hissed slightly, sinking against him to try and get as close as possible. “Because someone gets me hot under the collar, maybe.”

“That’s good, always helpful when it’s chilly out.” He sucked softly at a very sensitive spot on their neck.

“Ahh, yeah.” They moaned, shifting a little in his lap. “It’s so nice of them.”

“Mmm, yeah.” The fingers on their back trailed back down as he continued to kiss at their neck.

Sirius gave a gasp, scratching gently at his scalp. “All we’re missing is a--a wood fire.”

“We could put on one of those ambiance scenes on the TV.” Remus lifted his head to look up at them.

“That means not kissing, though,” they muttered, ducking their head to kiss him deeply.

Remus groaned, his hands clutching at them to pull Sirius even closer. “Mmm, yes, only a second.”

“I’m happy with Billie.” Sirius rolled their hips against his.

“Ah, me too.” His lips went back to their neck, kissing over the flush creeping up it.

“She, ah, sets the scene well.”

“Yeah, she does.” He nipped at the sensitive skin again. Sirius made the prettiest noise, their hand tightening in his hair just a little. “Do you need anything, princess?”

“Will you--you give me a hickey? Just a little one?” Sirius’ breathing was getting a little sharper.

“Mmm, of course, my love.” His mouth went back to their neck, doing all the things he always did whenever they wanted a hickey. Sirius gasped and moaned as he did, their blunt nails scratching through his hair and down his back. Remus bit down hard after laving his tongue over a spot of skin. He could feel the moment Sirius went to pieces against him, shuddering and letting out a sharp moan. It was always so good to get them worked up like this. “Mmm, there,” he said once he pulled back. His lips were now tingling.

Sirius blinked at him for a moment, smiling softly. It was amazing how a hickey turned them to mush as quick as it did when they first got together. “It feels bruised already.”

“It looks very good.” He traced a finger over the blooming red spot on their neck, watching as they shivered.

“Admiring your handiwork?”

“It’s very pretty, for a very pretty person.” Remus smiled at them softly.

Sirius gave a sigh of content. “You’re so nice to me.”

“Of course I am.” His fingers circled over their skin. “We should drink more of our cocoa, don’t want it to get cold.”

“Of course not,” they said, chuckling. “I’m staying in your lap, though.”

“As if I’d tell you to move, but can you stretch and reach the mugs for us.”

Sirius was quick to give him a dry look. “Gee, can my incredibly flexible spouse just reach to the coffee table?” They raised an eyebrow then leaned back--their lower body pressing against him, knees either side of his thighs--to grab both mugs.

Remus would always be amazed at their flexibility -- even after over twenty years together. He dropped one hand from their back to take his mug. “Thank you.”

“You’re so very welcome.” Sirius straightened up, settling back against him and sipping their own hot cocoa.

“Are you enjoying our fall day?”

“Mm, I really am. It was wonderfully fall. Are you?”

“Yeah, it’s been a really good day.” Remus smiled over his cocoa.

“Even if we did nearly walk into a domestic in the maze,” Sirius snickered.

He grimaced thinking about that couple. “Oh god, they really were going at in a maze.”

Sirius’ smile turned mischievous. “At least we didn’t walk into someone else going at it in a different way.”

“No, that only happens at midnight whilst dressed in period -- somewhat accurate -- clothing.”

“Ha! And if one of them is your love interest, and the other perhaps your maid, or lady, or sibling.”

“Yes, yes. Also, I’d rather see people going at it like that than arguing.”

“I thought I was the voyeur,” they asked, feigning confusion.

“You are, princess, don’t worry. I was thinking for your benefit, obviously.” He sipped at his drink.

“Oh, obviously.” They settled back, seemingly placated as they drank their own hot cocoa.

“We should go back to that house one day, the one we broke the bookcase at.” Remus would be lying if he said that he didn’t have that on his mind at all since they talked about it in the maze.

Sirius’ smile became visible over the rim of their drink. “Mmmhm. A weekend would be nice at some point.”

“Yeah, maybe after…” Remus trailed off because he was torn between  _ after your birthday _ and  _ after Teddy comes back _ and he didn’t want to bring up either at the moment.

Sirius’ face fell just a little. “Yeah, after.”

“Sorry.” He pressed a finger to the corner of their lip to push it back up. They didn’t react for a moment before they let out a laugh, shaking their head fondly.

“It’s okay.”

“Okay, good.” Remus gave them a sad smile. “Just a nice day and night. We need to have some actual dinner tonight.”

“I don’t see why sweets aren’t actual dinner.” Sirius wrapped their arms around him and settled their head on his shoulder. “We could get takeout.”

“We should get takeout.” His free hand went to comb through their hair. “As much as I love sweets, we can’t survive on them.”

“I suppose. What takeaway do you think?” They kissed his jaw.

“Mac and cheese? It’s nice and warm and perfect for our fall vibes, right?” Remus sighed at their kiss.

“Oooh that’s the best idea.”

“We haven’t had it for awhile either, it’ll be a good change.” Remus twirled a finger in their hair. “Then we can eat more of our sweets.”

Sirius chuckled. “And maybe whilst we wait for it to arrive, too?”

“And spoil our dinner?” Remus raised an eyebrow, giving his best Daddy look.

“No?” Sirius bit their lip, batting their eyelashes.

“Maybe a little.”

“We can share something, if you like?”

“Maybe another doughnut?” Remus smiled, happy to spend the rest of the evening snuggling and eating good food.


	19. Chapter 19

It was very rare Sirius didn’t wake up excited for their birthday. Remus usually made a big deal of it, and had done ever since they got together, even though he’d made up for and surpassed every unhappy birthday Sirius had growing up. 

This one though, they weren’t excited at all. It felt like just another normal day at work, wondering whether Teddy might appear. Marlene hadn’t covered the studio in decorations, nor insisted every class sing them happy birthday. She had wished them happy birthday and hugged them tightly that morning, and checked in maybe a little more often than she had been doing for the past two weeks.

On the bus back home, Sirius was scrolling through Instagram when a text from James popped up.

Happy Birthday sib!

_ Thanks bro  _ 😘  _ how’s things? _

Everything’s grand.   
How you doing today?

_ Not great, really? _ _   
_ _ I thought Teddy might come back, today of all days, you know. _

Yeah… well, there’s still time, right?   
Are you and Moony doing anything?

_ I don’t think so. Maybe we’ll get takeout or cook something nice. Yeah, there’s time… we have to keep on hoping. _

If you need anything, let us know   
We could throw a big last minute bash if you fancy

_ Mmm nah. For once in my life I don’t think I’m up for a party? Thank you though bro x _

All right. Love you sib  😘   
You and Moony take care

_ Will do. You too, give my love to your better half, and Harry and Hettie  _ 💙

They let out a sigh as they stood up for their stop, striding down the gangway of the bus as they hitched their bag onto their shoulder. With a thank you to the driver, they stepped onto the pavement and started to the house.

Sirius trudged up the driveway after they got off the bus, happy for it to be the evening, even if they weren’t planning on doing anything special.

“Hi, love,” Remus called out as the front door closed.

“Hi, it’s been the longest day, I swear.” They shrugged their coat over before going towards the sound of his voice.

“I’m sorry it’s not your happiest birthday.” They could tell he was in the kitchen.

“It’s alright, I wasn’t expecting the world, hm?” Sirius couldn’t deny a tiny bit of them hoped Teddy would appear home today, that their birthday would inspire Teddy to come back and they could work on repairing this. “But I have you,” they said, walking into the kitchen.

To their surprise, Remus was standing there in a nice suit, holding up the dress they had bought the other month. “Look, we’re not going to go anywhere, but… I still wanted to do something. So we’re having a fancy night in.”

“I…” Sirius bit their lip around a smile, feeling the tears gathering in their eyes. “Oh, you are  _ such _ a romantic bastard.”

Remus smiled, stepping forward to cup their cheek with his free hand. “I didn’t want to plan anything because I know your heart wouldn’t be in it. Dinner with the family the other night was bad enough.”

Sirius leaned into him, chuckling softly. “It was awful, wasn’t it? But I’m sure I’ll love whatever I do with you.”

“I know. Christ, I understand Effy and Monty were trying, but it was horrible.” Remus shook his head before kissing them softly. “I want you to go change -- I mean, you don’t have to wear this if the flesh prison dislikes it -- but I want you to look fancy. Don’t come down til I say you can though.”

“I’ll wear it, thank you, you’re so sweet… I’ll stay upstairs until you shout up?” They leaned in and kissed him back, smiling.

“That sounds perfect. I love you. Happy birthday.”

“I love you, so very much.” Sirius kissed him again, taking the dress from him.

Remus handed the dress over before shooing them off up the stairs. They laughed as they climbed the stairs, so touched that Remus had thought to do something, understanding that they weren’t up for anything big. 

Upstairs, they took the opportunity to jump in the shower just to wash the day off, then got dressed in the beautiful Old Hollywood style dress they had fallen in love with in their favourite boutique. Not feeling  _ hyper- _ femme that day, they left their cheeks a little stubbly and their hair loose, thinking for a moment about the fact they’d probably pair this with their combat boots if they were going out this evening, but instead it was barefoot and staying at home.

Sometime after they were changed, Remus shouted up for them to come down. They padded down the stairs, holding their skirt out of the way, grinning when they walked into the living room. Remus had made the most epic pillow fort imaginable, and had Bake Off on the television. The man himself was stood in his gorgeous suit, holding a bottle of champagne and smiling at them.

“Ohh… hi caro.”

“Hi, happy birthday, my pearl.” He held his hand out to them.

Sirius crossed over to him, taking his hand and pressing a quick kiss to it. “You are wonderful and I love you. This looks amazing.”

“You look stunning.” He squeezed their hand.

“Thank you. And thank you for this dress. It’s beautiful.” Sirius did a little spin, smiling broadly.

“You’re beautiful. We’ll find an excuse to wear it out one day, but at least I get to look at you in it right now.”

“Yeah, we’ll think of something. You’re the only person whose opinion I care for, anyway.”

“I know.” He pressed his lips to their cheek. “I got us Thai food  _ and _ pizza.”

They gasped, pulling back to look at him. “Thai  _ and _ pizza!”

“I couldn’t pick, so we’ll have plenty of leftovers.” Remus handed them the bottle of champagne before tugging them over to the fort.

“Mmm, you are saying all the right things, mister,” they murmured before taking a drink of the champagne and climbing into the universe of pillows and blankets.

“I guess I know you really well.” He snickered, settling down as Bucky trotted over to them.

Sirius scoffed. “What on earth gave you that idea?”

“Mmm, just a hunch.” Remus put a hand on their thigh. “I’m happy you’re happy -- happy as you can be right now.”

Sirius melted just a little then. “Thank you, and I’m glad you are too.”

“I got you a gift. It reminded me of something I got you when we were first dating.” Remus reached into his pocket before pulling out a ring box.

“I thought we said we weren’t doing gifts, caro,” Sirius said, without sounding even slightly put-out. “Thank you.”

“It’s impossible for me to not give you a gift.” He snickered, handing the box to them.

They gently eased it open, seeing four dainty silver rings, with little stars and a moon on them, each with different coloured stones. “Oh, they’re beautiful.”

“They’re engraved.”

“They are?” Sirius grinned, pulling them carefully out of the box and turning them in their palm. The one with the tiny topaz star said  _ Pada _ on the inside, the one with the aquamarine star said  _ Caro _ , and the third star, with a moonstone, said  _ Piccolino _ . The ring with the small moon had  _ family _ etched into it. “Oh… oh Remus, they’re stunning, that’s…”

Remus smiled. “I ordered them just before…”

Sirius let out a little breath. “That’s okay… I’ll just have to show them when they get home.”

“Yeah.” Remus nodded, sniffling. “I put piccolino, I hope that’s okay.”

“Mhmm. We can ask about that, too,” they said softly, reaching out to cup his cheek. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

“I got them at that jewler. The one down from the studio.”

“My favourite,” Sirius sighed, sliding the rings onto their pinky finger. Of course they fit perfectly.

“They look good.”

“They’re beautiful. Thank you so much. C’mere let me kiss you.” They leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips.

“As if I could say no to that.” Remus chuckled, his arm going around them as he moved closer. Sirius snickered in response, deepening the kiss a little, nudging their nose against his. He hummed before brushing his tongue against their bottom lip. His fingers went up into their hair. Sirius set the ring box aside, not letting him in for a moment as their hands went over his shoulders.

With a little huff, he pulled them closer, tugging at their hair lightly. Sirius gasped, resisting just a little. They were trying their best not to crack a smile. Remus nipped harder at their bottom lip and pulled a little stronger on their hair. That time they let out a moan, their guard dropping for just long enough for Remus to deepen the kiss. They were sure that Remus was grinning as he kissed them, his tongue finally teasing into their mouth. Grumbling a little, Sirius tightened their hands on his shoulders and pressed a little closer. Their tongue curled against his, trying to keep it light just to see how well they could goad him, when really they wanted to make out like desperate teenagers.

Remus’ free hand gripped at their thigh as he tried his best to get them to kiss deeper. Sirius knew this would probably land them in some trouble, but they couldn’t help it. They felt a shiver at his grip, giving in just a little bit. The fingers dug in for a moment before the doorbell went, breaking the moment. 

“Noo, that’s the worst timing,” Sirius groaned, tipping their head back from the kiss.

“Ha, poor princess.” Remus nudged them. “Come on, I need to get up.”

“Poor, poor princess, woe is me, on my birthday as well!” Sirius shifted off of him, rolling onto their back amongst the pillows, catching their breath a little.

Panting still, Remus got to his feet. “I’ll make it up to you later.”

“Oh will you?” They bit their lip, watching him avidly. Remus all breathless and mussed would always be one of their most favourite sights in the world.

Remus wiggled his bum a little for them as he walked away. Sirius had to give him a wolf-whistle, hoping they timed it so the delivery driver heard it too because everyone needed to know how damn handsome their husband was.

They could hear him chatting with the guy before the door closed. “Here we go.”

“This smells like the most decadent thing I’m ever going to be party to,” Sirius said, grinning as they sat up.

“Oh of course.” He came into view, peaking over the brown paper bag on top of a box of pizza.

“You are so ridiculously perfect. This is the best view of all time, narrowly winning out against the same set-up only in  _ your _ birthday suit, and that’s only because the suit you’re wearing makes me weak at the knees.”

“Shall I take the jacket off and roll up my sleeves?” He set the food down in front of them.

Sirius let out a moan that was only half-exaggerated, flopping back dramatically. “I’d die.”

“Oh please don’t.” He shed his jacket, draping it over the seat of one of the chairs holding up the fort.

“Although, I think I might be in heaven already.”

Remus chuckled as he undid the buttons at the wrists. “If you die then you won’t be able to enjoy the rest of the night.”

“I shall endeavour to stay alive, then,” they said softly. They’d thought he was joking about  _ actually _ removing the jacket and rolling up his sleeves, but they knew Remus took every opportunity to torment them.

It seemed as if he took his sweet time to roll up one sleeve then the other as his forearms flexed. Of course, Sirius was fucking transfixed, knowing they could get stuck into the food but why would they look anywhere except Remus?

“Are you still alive?” He asked as he finished.

Sirius swallowed shallowly. “Mm nope, definitely in fictional heaven.”

“Good, glad I can make your birthday as wonderful as possible.” He crawled back into the tent, settling back into the spot he had been in earlier.

“Your presence in general goes a long way towards that.”

Remus smiled softly as he started to unpack the Thai food. Sirius helped him, opening the pizza box and turning it into some makeshift tray. “Thank you princess.”

“You’re very welcome. Can I do anything else?”

“No, sit there and look pretty.” He smirked.

Sirius bit their lip, reclining a little and twisting just so, so the dress fell right over their body. “Yes Daddy.”

Remus hummed. “Perfect, princess.” He had been in a bit of a  _ sex block _ , as he was calling it. It wasn’t so much that he was repulsed, but Remus just seemed to be in his head. The vibe he was giving off tonight, made Sirius feel as if he had managed to get over that hump. They couldn’t deny they were a tiny bit excited at the prospect. This might not be the big surprise party they usually had, but this was a wonderful birthday.


	20. Chapter 20

This wasn’t Sirius’ usual birthday party. Remus always did something surprising for them that included all of their friends and family. Without Teddy, it wouldn’t have been the same though because Sirius and Remus couldn’t stop thinking about them. The party would have felt empty, just like the birthday dinner with the Potter’s did the other night. Life hadn’t been normal, so Remus was sure that a regular party didn’t seem like a good idea.

But he couldn’t let Sirius not have some sort of celebration. Since the first birthday he threw for them -- so much smaller than any after -- Remus had been on a crusade to make up for all the years Sirius missed out on celebrating with the Blacks. So, today Remus put together a fancy night in. Sirius always wanted to get dressed up fancy and eat in a pillow fort, so that’s what Remus decided to do. He was happy that Sirius got to wear the dress they had bought the other week.

“I got you a cake too. A small one. Do you want some?” Remus asked, cleaning up their leftovers.

Sirius was finishing a slice of pizza as they looked over to him. “Ohh, you did? Yes please, a small slice?”

“Yeah, of course.” Remus smiled as he gathered up the food and stood up. “Be right back.”

“Mm, you take your time,” they practically purred, tilting their head to look at him.

Remus chuckled to himself as he slowly walked away, taking his time as they asked. It was difficult to not do anything they asked for. He wanted to do anything that made them happy right now. If walking away slowly did that for them, that was easy. They let out a wolf-whistle as he did, chuckling.

As quick as he could, he packed away the food before pulling out their small cake. It was a little dark blue cake with little golden stars all over it. The top had  _ Happy Birthday Baby _ written in script. He got two forks and headed back to the pillow fort.

“Here we go!”

Sirius bit their lip, smiling broadly. “Oh, that’s beautiful!” They said, kneeling up so they could see better.

“It’s your favorite flavor too.” He carefully knelt down, setting the cake on the floor before he settled into his seat again.

“Lemon?” Sirius wrapped their arms around his shoulders. “You’re amazing.”

“Of course.” Remus kissed them on the lips. “I just like making you happy.”

“You do, caro, you make me so happy.” Sirius kissed back, smiling. “You’re gorgeous and fantastic and so sweet to me.”

Remus sighed, brushing their hair back as he kissed their cheek. “Mmm, you are. Let’s have this cake.”

“My Austen heroine,” they murmured fondly, settling back. ”I feel like princesses deserve to get fed cake on their birthdays.”

He couldn’t help the laugh, reaching for one of the forks. “Of course, my royal highness.”

Sirius grinned, looking incredibly smug. “Mm, I could get used to that.”

“Only on birthdays.” Remus dug the fork into the cake, a little sad to ruin such a nice cake.

“It’s beautiful, thank you Daddy,” they said, looking fondly at the decorations.

Remus smiled, holding the cake to their lips. “You’re welcome, princess.”

Sirius took the forkful of cake, smiling sweetly at him and somehow, like they did with almost everything, still looked so incredibly alluring. Only they could make eating a cake look so lovely.

“How is it?” Remus asked, going to get another forkful.

“Mmm, so tasty, oh my god. Is it from our bakery?”

“Yeah it is.” He offered them another bite.

Sirius’ hand went to his wrist, holding slightly as they ate the cake, then sucked the icing off the fork.

“Christ, you’re making cake obscene.” Remus groaned.

“Do you expect anything less?” They snickered, looking so pleased with themselves. “You’re feeding me cake on my birthday looking fucking perfect.”

“Of course, I should have known.” Remus smiled, pulling his hand back. “Another piece or something else?”

They raised an eyebrow. “What do you have in mind?”

“Mmm, I don’t know. I have brought down some rope and a paddle and the lube and one of your collars…” Remus looked to where he had the little stash hidden under some pillows.

Sirius’ other eyebrow jumped up to match the first. “You did?” They grinned. “That sounds intriguing.”

“Yeah, I thought you might like something like that.” After putting the fork down, Remus reached over to lift up the pillow.

Sirius was at his elbow in a moment, looking at what he’d brought down. “Ooh, pretty. Do you have some idea of what to do with these wonderful things?”

“Of course I do.” He chuckled, picking up the red collar. In response, they pushed their loose hair off their shoulders and tipped their chin up so he could fasten the collar. Taking the hint he wrapped the leather collar around their neck. “You should wear more red.”

“Yeah? Does it suit me?” Sirius was smiling, their eyes glittering as they watched him.

“Mmm, so pretty on your skin.” He pressed a soft kiss to their neck after fastening the collar.

“Thank you Daddy,” Sirius murmured.

“You’re very welcome princess.” His hands trailed down their back to undo the fabric bow.

“Mmm, don’t you like my dress?”

With a few more kisses, his fingers slid over their back to the zipper of their dress. “I love your dress, so much so that I don’t want to get it messy. I’d love for you to wear it out one day soon.”

“I’ll find somewhere to wear it to, but here is perfect right now.” Sirius arched a little to help him.

“Yeah, it is perfect.” Nuzzling their neck, Remus carefully pushed the zipper open. “You’re so perfect, princess. You’re the most beautiful princess.”

Sirius squirmed and shuddered, his praise no doubt having an effect on them. “Ah, you’re so nice to me Daddy.”

Smirking he pulled back in order to push their straps down their shoulders. “You deserve it because you’re so good to everyone else. You’re so good for me.”

Sirius was already flushed when he pulled back, biting their lip hard. “Yeah?”

“Mmmhmm, you always make me feel so good and I’m happiest when I’m around you.” Remus’ hands ran over their arms as he pushed the dress down.

Sirius made the softest noise, arching into him. “C’mere.”

“Once this dress is all the way off.” He made a tsking sound, smirking a little. Sirius pouted, lifting their hips a little so Remus could continue on his task. Laughing, Remus got the dress off of them then carefully set it on the chair where his jacket laid. “Thank you, baby. You’re so helpful.”

Sirius was sitting back in the pillows, smiling up at him. “Mm, I like it when you’re nice to me.”

“I love being nice to my princess.” One finger gently made it’s way down their chest. They watched him avidly, biting their lip as his finger trailed further down. “You’re the best thing in my whole entire life and I love you so much. You’re so smart and so sweet and so stunning.” The finger was now making it’s way down their stomach.

“Ahh, yeah? You’re so good to me, so nice to me. You know--know I like your praise.”

“I do.” He ghosted the finger over the growing bulge in their lace lined briefs. “I love telling you how great you are. You deserve it.”

Sirius made the softest noise, moaning, their eyes still fixed on his finger. “Yeah--yeah, fuck.”

“My gorgeous princess.” He flattened his hand against them. “I’m the luckiest to have someone so fantastic in my life. I’m sure everyone is jealous.”

“Ah, they should be jealous, because I--I get you too.”

“Mmm, everyone looks at you when we go to the club and stares at you and I know they are all so jealous because you’re so perfect.” Remus’ thumb ran over the tip over their cock over the underwear.

Sirius moaned a little lower, their hips shifting. “You like--you like showing me off.”

“I  _ love _ showing you off.” Remus’ free hand reached for the rope.

“Yeah, you do. Scenes in the club, too, yeah? So everyone can see how good I am for--for you?”

“Mmm, my favorite is caning you in front of everyone, I get to show everyone that you’re all mine and you get so floaty.” After circling his hand over them one more time he went to unravel the bundle of rope.

Sirius’ hips bucked a little. “Fuck. Ye--yeah, I love you caning me so much.”

“I know you do. You look so pretty with the stripes too. But today you’re going to have little heart bruises. You like those too.” Remus shifted a little. “Come lay across my lap, princess.”

“I do like those too,” Sirius agreed, smiling. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I wanna tie you up and spank you.”

“Mmm, what if I want to make you work for it?”

Remus sighed. “I guess, you don’t wanna be good right away for Daddy.” Remus shrugged, leaning back and trying to look nonchalant.

“I wanna be good. I want you to make me be good.” Sirius slid down the pillows a little, lifting their hips.

Rolling his eyes he dropped the rope and grabbed their hips. “Of course, princess.”

Sirius just snickered, twisting away from him a little. He shifted, careful not to put his knee in the cake or know over the fort. Sirius was laughing, trying to struggle against him grabbing their wrists. Remus attempted to put on an upset scowl, but it was difficult with Sirius writhing around and laughing while he tried to wrangle them on to his lap. They were making it difficult for him to wrangle them too, twisting around, but eventually Remus got one of their arms behind their back, his other hand on their thigh.

“Ah, there we go.” He gripped their wrist even tighter. He knew that he was going to leave marks on their wrist.

Sirius made a low noise, a little out of breath as they still struggled. “Ah, ow--ow.”

“You poor princess.” With his free hand, he picked up the rope again.

“Daddy,” they pouted, still trying to wriggle and lift their hips.

“Yes, baby?” He tried to get their other arm out from under them.

“You’re ruining my fun. I--ah--I thought you liked me fighting.”

Remus chuckled, finally freeing their other hand to bring it back to mirror the one already behind their back. “Yeah, I do. But we have to be careful not to ruin the fort.”

“ _ You _ have to be careful not to ruin the fort.” Sirius let him, with a fair amount of resistance.

He huffed, finally managing to get their wrist together, and quickly moving to wrap the rope around them both. “If I ruined it then it’d be your fault.”

“I thought you were the one in charge, Daddy?” Sirius’ voice went all breathy at the end, that telltale shiver up their spine.

“I am, but you’re being all wiggly and I have to control you somehow.” He started to knot the rope up their arms.

“You could ask really nicely,” they retorted, sounding sweet. Remus knew that however nice he asked and however sweet they sounded now, they wouldn’t go quietly.

“As if you would have listened.” He rolled his eyes, pulling the rope a little tighter.

“Daddy doesn’t know that.”

“We’ve been doing this for decades now -- I know you. I can tell when you’re going to listen and when you’re not.” He finished the last tie.

“You know that I like it then, and you know just what to do to turn me to mush.”

Remus smiled, one hand dropping down to grip their arse. “I do.”

Sirius let out a low moan, shuddering. Without saying about word, Remus hooked his fingers around their briefs and tried to wiggle them down. Sirius lifted their hips, their breathing already a little short as they tried to get their feet beneath them.

“Thank you, princess.” He managed to get them underwear off, tossing them aside. “You still have the nicest arse.”

“Still?” Sirius sounded affronted, wiggling their hips temptingly. 

“You will always have the nicest arse.” He gave it a little tap. “It’ll look even better after a good spanking.”

“Yeah? You’ll have to find out, Daddy.”

Remus picked up the heart shaped paddled. “Mmmhmm, I will.” He sighed. “You’re the prettiest princess, I can’t wait to make you come.” He brought the paddle down hard without warning.


	21. Chapter 21

Sirius let out a sharp moan at the unexpected smack of the paddle. Their whole body tensed at the sensation, swiftly followed by a rush of pleasure. “Oh fuck, fuck, I can’t wait either.”

They were sure that Remus was smirking as one of his hands gripped the hair at the base of their skull, giving it a firm tug with the next smack. “So perfect.”

“Ah! Oh fuck, god,” Sirius mumbled, marvelling at how quickly Remus got them worked up with a tussle, a few smacks and a tug at their hair.

“Should I spank you for how many years you’ve been alive? Isn’t that a tradition?” Remus hit them again.

“Like birth--fuck--birthday bumps?” Sirius bit their lip hard. “But I’m s--still only thirty Daddy.”

Remus chuckled, the paddle rubbing over them lightly. Bless him for going along with it. “Yeah? Is that not enough smacks?”

Sirius heaved a breath. “Fifty is a l--a lot.” Even as they said it, Sirius couldn’t deny the idea of  _ fifty _ swats was appealing, imagining how sore it would be and how desperate they would be for  _ something _ by the end of it.

“We’re already at three, right?”

“Yes Daddy.”

The fingers in their hair raked over their scalp. “How about we count then?”

By the time they reached forty-five, Sirius wasn’t sure they knew how to speak. Their arse and thighs were deliciously sore and every little move pushed them closer to the edge even as they tried to squirm away from the sensations.

“Oh god, god, fuck, forty--forty-five,” Sirius gasped, their mouth feeling sort of alien.

“Almost there, my princess.” Remus’ voice was all soft and sounded far away. The hand that was not holding the paddle slipped under Sirius’ body. Their whole body jolted at the contact, no idea whether they should press forward or lift their hips because everything felt so much all at once and it was perfect. Another smack came down before Remus asked. “Do you wanna come like this?”

‘Forty--fuck, forty-six. Ah--ah no, no I. Four m--more please.”

The hand that had been under them went back to their hair before there were two more hard whacks. They practically sobbed for both of them, floating in the best way possible; they hadn’t been in subspace like this for such a long time.

“Forty-seven and--ahh, eight.”

“You’re doing so good, princess. I’m so proud.”  _ Another _ .

Sirius bit their lip around a moan, his praise and the impact going together so well. “Oh, fuck-- _ fuck _ .”

“Almost done. Are you okay?”

“So, so good,” Sirius mumbled, remembering they needed to count, holding onto it like it was the only thing they could think of. “Forty-nine.”

“Last one.” Remus brought the paddle down against them so hard, it was almost surprising the paddle didn’t snap in half.

That time Sirius all-but shrieked, their feet kicking against the cushions as their head swam and their whole body clenched. “Fuck, oh my god, fif—fifty.”

“That was so good, you did so good,” he cooed, as his hand gently rubbed circles to the small of their back. “Happy birthday, baby.”

Sirius was breathing hard, toes curling. “Oh fuck. Thank you Daddy, thank you.”

“You’re so welcome, princess. Do you need anything? Are you all right?” His hand continued to rub over their back.

“Mm, I’m good, so good. I love you, I love you.” Sirius turned their head to see if there was a bit of him they could kiss.

“I love you.” He was looking down at them with the softest look as his hands were on their arms, going to untie them.

“Do I look pretty?”

“You look so pretty. You have so many pretty little hearts on your bottom. You did so good, princess.” The rope began to loosen.

“Fifty is a lot,” they mumbled, feeling so out of it.

“It is alot, and you did amazing.” Remus pulled them up, Sirius hadn’t even realized that the rope was completely undone.

They curled into him immediately. “Hi Daddy.”

“Hi princess.” Remus kissed them before nuzzling their neck. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Mmm, yeah. I like you being proud of me.”

“Always proud of you.” A few kisses were pressed to their neck. “What do you want now, princess? It’s your birthday after all.”

“I’m so… I dunno, I’m so floaty. I wanna come, but like… eventually? Whenever?” They hummed, eyes closing. “Can I be good for you?”

“You can be good, yeah. You’ve been good, princess. You’ve been so good.” Remus’ teeth scraped over their neck.

Sirius groaned, shivering again. “You can—mmm, fuck—Daddy can do what he wants with me, whatever way he wants.”

“Of course, baby.” He smiled, his long fingers wrapping around their cock. “Maybe… mmm, maybe I could go down on you oooor you could fuck me. I want to make you happy on your birthday, you should probably go down on me while I pull your hair.”

“Ah!” Sirius’ hips bucked. All the options sounded good, they couldn’t think. “Mm, shit. I like—I like all those options.”

“I know you do, baby.” He gave them a ridiculously slow stroke.

Sirius groaned, burying their face in his neck. “Ahh, fuck, um. I can, go—go down on you then fuck you, or the other way around.”

“Those all sound really good.” Remus played with their hair. “Hmmm, maybe go down on me and get me ready then fuck me.”

“Mm, can I get you ready with my mouth too?”

“Of course. Whatever happens, I just need to get out of these trousers.” He shifted a little.

“I can help with that too,” Sirius murmured, their hands going to his belt.

“You’re so good.” Remus leaned back a little to watch them.

“Undressing Daddy is one of my favourite things.” Their fingers felt a little unresponsive as they somehow managed to get his belt undone, pulling it out of the loops.

“I know, you love it so much.” He watched them with a little smirk.

“It’s because you’re so fun to undress.” Sirius walked their fingers down over his cock under the guise of undoing his trousers.

“Mmm, be good princess.” He moaned. “Or I’ll spank you again.”

“I’m being good, aren’t I?” They slowly undid the zipper, taking their time to pull his trousers down.

“Yes, but I know you.” A soft noise slipped from his lips, probably because his cock was no longer straining against the unforgiving fabric.

“You know me so well, Daddy.” Sirius kneeled back to pull his trousers down and toss them aside. God, he looked so gorgeous lying there like that. Only his underwear was in the way. They made their way back up his body, sliding their hands up his thighs.

“I do.” Remus shifted so he was on his back, legs bent a bit with his feet on the ground.

“Mm, underwear too?” They dropped kisses up his thigh.

“Yes, princess.”

“Thank you.” Sirius hooked their fingers through his underwear and pulled them down, tossing them aside too.

“The lube’s here when you want it, princess.” He gestured to his side.

“That sounds a lot like you’re just letting me do what I please,” Sirius noted, wriggling down a little and wrapping one hand loosely around the base of his cock.

“Ah, shit,” he moaned as he grabbed their hair. “You have to  _ ask _ to do as you please.”

Sirius chuckled, biting their lip at the pull in their hair. “Well, seeing as it’s my birthday. I would really like to get you all worked up and ready and open with my mouth and my fingers and you can hold me there by my hair so all I can do is have my mouth on you.”

“Yes, princess, that sounds perfect.” Remus tugged a little at their hair.

“Mmm, thank you Daddy,” they whispered, leaning in to swirl their tongue over the tip of his cock.

“Fuck.” His hips pressed up. As if it would work at all, Sirius’ other hand went to his hip, pinning it down so they could take their time and set the pace with another slow lick. The groan that came from Remus was beautiful. “Shit, so good.”

“Mmhmm.” Sirius took him into their mouth, still so slowly, bobbing their head. Remus seemed to be torn between fucking their mouth and melting into the pillows.

“ _ Oh fuck. _ ”

Sirius snickered, stroking him in tandem with their movements, batting their eyelashes up at him. They paused a moment before taking him right to the back of their throat, swallowing softly. The moan that tore from his throat would have echoed off the walls if they weren’t surrounded by pillows and blankets and sheets. Remus’ hand tugged at their hair, moving their head slightly. After another pause, concentrating on breathing through their nose, they pulled back and wasted no time leaving open-mouthed kisses down over his balls.

“Jesus fuck. Fuck, your mouth is perfect. You’re perfect.” The fingers in their hair tightened.

“So nice to me Daddy,” they murmured, swirling their tongue and sucking slightly on their path downward.

“You’re so good -- ah -- so good. Fuck me.”

“In a minute, Daddy.” Sirius pulled back just enough to drink in the look on his face before they swirled their tongue over his entrance.

All that came out of his mouth was a moan as his fingers tangled in their hair. They chuckled again, swirling their tongue and taking their damn time. 

Soon enough, Sirius had two fingers inside of Remus, and thought this was what he must feel like when they were practically sobbing for him. Only, of course, Remus had kept his hand in their hair as some semblance of control, pulling and holding them just where he wanted.

“AH  _ Christ _ . Fuck me, princess,  _ now _ .”

Sirius bit their lip, the sound of his voice going straight to their cock. “Yeah? Right now?” God, now wasn’t the time to brat but it was so tempting.

“Yeah, I want -- fuck -- want you to come inside me. Mmm, I’ll go down on you later.” He was all breathy and gorgeous.

“Can I eat you out after?” Sirius slowly removed their fingers, the urge to get off strong now.

“Yes, princess.” He sucked in a sharp breath.

“Just like this?” They shifted forward, pressing the head of their cock against him.

“Mmmhmm, like that.” Remus pressed his hips towards their cock.

Sirius groaned softly, doing as he said and slowly thrusting into him. God, fuck, it had been a while since Sirius topped, and they always forgot how damn good Remus felt. One of his legs wrapped around their back, trying to pull them closer. 

“Ah, you feel so good Daddy. So, so good.”

Remus gasped, one hand gripping their arm. Sirius leaned forward, breathing hard already, and kissed him, thrusting slow and deep. He was breathing quickly, looking as if he was trying to gather himself but it wasn’t possible. Sirius shuddered, their thrusts going a little erratic.

“Fuck, fuck I wanna come already.”

“Soon soon.” Remus gasped, arching his back.

“You feel so good. Are you—is Daddy gonna come too?” Sirius moaned, their hand going to his thigh to pull up a little and get deeper.

“Ah, fuck yeah -- yes princess.” Remus’ other hand went to their hair.

“Yeah, yeah. Daddy’s so good to me, he’s gonna feel so good coming around me.”

Remus made another throaty noise, pulling at Sirius’ hair. Sirius gasped, burying their face in the crook of his neck, losing themselves to the sensations of it all, so deep in subspace, still.

“Oh god, fuck I’m close.”

That only made Sirius shudder even more. “Fuck, I wanna come—can I?”

Remus moaned, Sirius could feel him tensing underneath him. “Yeah -- yeah come for, ah for me princess.”

“Oh fuck, Daddy,” they mumbled, hips stuttering as they came inside him. Their whole body felt on fire in the best way, vision going white at the edges.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry we missed yesterday!

Remus couldn’t remember the last time he let Sirius fuck him, but christ he was in heaven now. His whole body was tingling and he had stars behind his eyes, tremors running through him each time he shifted.

“Jesus.” He panted, still clutching Sirius’ hair.

Sirius was panting into the crook of his neck, their legs shaking a little. “Fuck.”

“Happy -- happy birthday.” Remus let go of their hair and completely melted into the ground.

“Mmm, fuck.” They shifted, pulling out of him but staying on top of him, melted themselves. “Thank you Daddy.”

“Are you gonna -- gonna clean up?” He could barely catch his breath, and he was positive if Sirius ate him out he would actually cease to exist, but it was their birthday.

Sirius moaned, nodding as they shifted down, trailing soft kisses over his stomach before ducking their head between his legs. They hummed softly, then swirled their tongue over his entrance. Oh, yep, dead. Remus gasped, reaching for their hair once again.

“Oh fuck, oh god. You -- you’re so good princess.”

“Mmm, fuck. Daddy tastes so good.” They were making the most obscene noises.

Remus couldn’t quite reply properly because all that he could manage were moans as his body shivered. Sirius was kissing and licking, their tongue easing into him, and Jesus, sucking. He was pretty sure he was just babbling incoherently because all that he could focus on was what Sirius was doing.

After what felt like  _ hours _ , Sirius’ head popped up from between his legs, licking their lips and looking utterly lurid. “Mmmm, my favourite.”

“C’mere.” He held a hand out -- somehow.

Sirius snickered, crawling up over him and lying on top of him. He wrapped his arm around Sirius, pulling them close.

“Mmm, hi. You’re the best princess. Are you all right?” Remus kissed them on the cheek.

“So good,” Sirius murmured. “So good. Are you?”

“Amazing. You’re so perfect.” He stroked a hand through their hair. “Do you need anything?”

“Mmm, just cuddles. That was so good. Fucking you is so good Daddy.”

“Yeah? Was that a good gift then?” He chuckled, closing his eyes.

“Your arse is the best gift in the world.” Sirius snickered, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to his neck.

“Ha, I’m sure… I think your arse is a pretty amazing gift too.”

Sirius grinned. “You can always have that gift, you know it.”

“I know I can. It’s my arse to have.” He shifted a little. Sirius made a low noise, shifting too, and Remus was sure he felt their cock twitch against his thigh. “Give me a moment, princess.” He snickered.

“Haa, I can't help it, not when you tell me I’m all yours.”

“I know.” Remus rubbed their back. “How’s your arse? Meaning, how sore is it.”

“I mean, it’s fabulous and delicious of course. But it’s fucking sore, so fucking sore.” Sirius wriggled a little. “Is it red?”

Remus looked over their shoulder to see how red and splotchy it was. “Very fucking red. Very pretty.”

“It is so sore.” Sirius lifted their head to look at him, and they were grinning broadly. “You should kiss it better.”

“If you want that then you’ll have to move.”

Sirius huffed. “You’re saying that like I can move.”

“Well, I’m fairly incapable of moving as well.” Remus groaned.

“Mm, maybe later.”

“Whatever you want, princess.” He started to rub soft circles against their back again.

“I am a queen today, aren’t I?” Sirius snickered, nipping at his neck. “Mm, can I leave a mark?”

“Yes, my queen.” He chuckled. “Maybe we should take my shirt off?” He wondered if either of them have the facilities to actually undo the buttons though.

“I really could get used to that,” they murmured, leaning up onto their elbows and fumbling with the buttons. “My fingers are numb. I’ve fucked like, all the sense out of me.”

“Ha! You fucked all the sense out of me too.” He snorted, watching them attempt to undo another button.

“That was so good, Jesus.” They managed another button.

“You’re so good at everything. I’m surprised you even managed to fuck me after all those spankings though.”

“My legs were jelly, I swear. I couldn’t think after  _ fifty _ of them.”

Remus laughed again as he tried to help them with the buttons. “I was shocked you didn’t want to come when you were close to the end.”

“Me too, honestly.” Sirius shot him a grin, moving down to reach the middle and lower buttons. “Me too, but I like… I couldn’t… I dunno. Coming wasn’t the important bit, it was getting to fifty, you know?”

“Oh, that makes me oddly proud of you.” He sighed.

They squirmed, cheeks flushing an even brighter red. “Yeah?”

“Mmmhmm, I wanted you to get to fifty without coming and you did. I was just taking some pity on you because you were a mess.” Remus cupped their cheek. “So proud.”

“Thank you Daddy,” they whispered, leaning into his touch. “I was a total mess.”

“You did so good.”

“You’re the best to me.” Sirius kissed his palm, scraping their teeth.

“Mmm, love you.”

“Love you too. Thank you for a lovely birthday.”

After Sirius gave Remus a mark, he fulfilled his promise of fucking them and going down on them. They cleaned up a little and got into the fluffy robes they had stolen from the last time they went to a nice hotel, and settled into watch a movie. They also were working on eating more of the cake.

“This is a good birthday, right?” Remus asked, feeling a little worried about it suddenly. Of course it wasn’t a normal birthday, but that was okay if Sirius was happy.

Sirius looked at him for a moment, then swallowed their mouthful of cake. “Of course, it’s a good birthday. It’s… I wish Teddy were here, and we could’ve done something all together, but it’s a wonderful birthday.”

“Yeah.” Remus pressed a kiss to their temple. “I didn’t know what to do with myself all day because I didn’t want to upset you.”

“I know… it’s hard, right? I sort of hoped they’d come home today--not whilst I was getting my birthday bumps, obviously--but some bit of me thought?”

Remus nodded. “I thought they would come back today too. They… sorry, I shouldn’t have brought this up.” He took a deep breath.

“No, no, we were both thinking about it, weren’t we? No point keeping it to ourselves.” Sirius reached out and took his hand, turning towards him a little.

“Yeah.” He squeezed their hand. “They always love celebrating your birthday -- any birthday really.” Remus chuckled. God, when were they going to come back? It had been nearly three weeks now. Everything was so empty without them around. Maybe they would come back soon and they could do something for Sirius’ birthday.

“Don’t they?” Sirius leaned against him, kissing his cheek before they let out a little sigh. “It’s okay… they’ll be home soon, won’t they?”

“They have to be.” Remus stabbed his fork into the cake. “It’s been weird without them.”

“So weird. It’s like… I don’t know, bits of life are missing.” Sirius took a big forkful of their cake.

Remus nodded, feeling that pain in his chest he had grown used to lately. “Yeah. Everyone’s trying to act like it’s normal too. I wanted to gouge myself in the eye while sitting at dinner the other night.”

Sirius groaned. “God, me too. It was horrible, it was  _ so _ awful to try and just small talk it out.”

“James kept making weird jokes.” He thought of his brother-in-law’s terribly awkward conversation.

“He was so fucking awkward.”

“And Effy -- I thought Mam was bad but we have so many leftovers.” He thought of how he and Sirius could hardly carry the bags in when they got home.

Sirius snickered, biting their lip. “It was ridiculous.”

“Apparently food and bad jokes are meant to fix everything.”

“Mmmm, nope.” Sirius chuckled. “I appreciate the fact we don’t need to think about cooking, and I do love an awful joke, but not right now, huh?”

“Right.” Remus set the fork down. “It reminds me of after my Da died. There was so much fucking food, Christ, everyone in the neighborhood just bought food.”

“God. I’m sorry, that sounds awful.” Sirius kissed his cheek, sighing.

“Even when I went back to uni -- food  _ everywhere _ . You know Dorcas actually cooked me brownies without them being healthy.”

They let out a gasp. “No? With actual chocolate?”

“Yep! No black beans or whatever substitute.” He nodded with a laugh.

“Oh my god, that’s the most shocking bit of all.”

“I know.” Remus laughed hollowly, shaking his head. “God, they need to come back… if only to save us from all these leftovers.”

Sirius snickered, but it sounded a little sad. “Yeah.”

He kissed them on the forehead. “They’ll be back.”

“Yeah, they will, won’t they?”

Remus was starting to lose some hope, but he still had to believe it would happen. “Of course. I’m sure they miss giving us shit.”

“Right? Or ranting about the man with you.”

“Yeah, I miss having my little punk around. Plus, picking out your gift without them just wasn’t right.” He rested his head on their shoulder. “I know it’s not the same for you either.”

“It’s not. My dance assistant at the studio, my vote for pineapple on pizza?” Sirius sniffed. “I miss them a lot.”

Remus frowned, wrapping his arm around them. “What do you want to do when they come back?” He changed the subject a little, hoping to make them happier.

“Family day. Like old times. We can go shopping and have tea, then get takeout and watch a movie.”

“Yeah, that sounds nice. We can dance in the living room and you both can laugh at me.” Remus kissed their shoulder.

“Center Stage or Step Up, those are the rules.” Sirius smiled, turning and kissing his temple. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, always.” He brushed their hair back. “Why are you thanking me? I brought up Teddy.”

“But thank you for… for bringing them up, I guess. I don’t want to not talk about our child. They’re a part of our lives. Thank you for being optimistic, and for helping me keep going.”

“Yeah? I don’t feel so optimistic sometimes, I feel like I have to be or else I’m going to fall into a dark hole. I don’t want that, and I don’t want you to either.” Closing his eyes, Remus wondered what Teddy was doing right now. Wondered if they knew what today was, and if they were really okay.

“Maybe they will have text me, you know?”

“Yeah, maybe. Or maybe they’ll come home soon, I don’t know. Maybe.” Remus rubbed their side.

Sirius nodded slowly, biting their lip. “Can we have a bath?”

“Of course we can. Whatever my queen wants.” Remus lifted his head.

“I should see if I still have that awful plastic tiara.” Sirius smiled and kissed the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah, I’m sure you do. If not, I’ll buy you a new one.” He reached for the remote to turn the TV off. “Come on, let’s head up. Should we take the rest of the champagne?”


	23. Chapter 23

Sirius pushed their glasses up onto their head, hating how much they were starting to need them. Staring at their laptop into the evening probably wasn’t helping either, but these emails needed answering and they had to order some more supplies.

Remus was sitting on the sofa next to them, journal in his lap. It was a quiet night, though it felt like most of their nights were quiet recently. It had been an unspoken rule, as if they were just in purgatory, waiting for Teddy to come home.

“God, I’ve got such a headache. Why are people such morons?”

“I don’t know, love, wish I had the answers.” He gave them a sympathetic look.

“Me too,” Sirius grumbled, rubbing their eyes before they let their glasses fall back onto their nose.

Just as they were trying to figure out how to say  _ no, fuck you _ in corporate terms in an email, their phone vibrated on the arm of the sofa. They were expecting Marlene, to talk shop of course, but they nearly did a triple take before fumbling for the phone.

“It’s Teddy,” they said quickly, not waiting before they hit the answer button and pressed the phone to their ear. “Teddy? Piccolino?”

Next to them they felt Remus move closer as it sounded like Teddy was sniffling. “They’re playing -- playing Rebel Rebel.” There was a slight slur to Teddy’s words.

Sirius grabbed Remus’ hand, relieved that it was Teddy’s voice and not someone else with news. Their heart broke though, because they sounded so awful.

“Darling, I can barely hear you. Are you okay?”

Remus squeezed their hand tight, putting his head on their shoulder. There was so much loud background noise they couldn’t figure out what was going on.

“Wait a minute.”

“What’s happening?” Remus asked quietly.

“I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” Sirius bit their lip, giving Remus a worried look. “I’m putting you on speaker, piccolino, okay? Dad wants to talk to you too.” They gingerly pulled the phone away from their ear, sort of worried Teddy would just hang up, but they were on the phone and alive and Sirius could help them.

Remus was huddled close as Teddy let out a soft  _ yeah _ . Soon the background noise faded, and Teddy spoke again. “I missed your birthday.” They let out a sob.

Sirius tried to hold back their own tears. “I know, but it’s okay. I’m happy if you’re okay now.”

“Annwyl, do you know where you are?” Remus questioned before he bit at his nails.

“Yeah, at a bar. I saw Ro earlier and I should have went with her. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you and I did that.” They continued to cry.

“It’s okay, Teddy, we forgive you. We just want to make sure you’re alright.” Sirius gently took Remus’ hand and pulled it away from his mouth, aware they were biting their lip and their foot was tapping. “Do you need us to come get you?”

There was another sob. “Yeah. Please. I wanna come home.”

Right when Teddy spoke, Remus was out of his seat. Sirius was after him straight away, grabbing the first jacket they saw on the hooks and jamming their feet into their nearest flats.

“I know, we’ll get you. I don’t want you waiting alone in the street in the cold for us. Can we get you an Uber to Ro’s. We can pick you up there?” Sirius nodded to Remus, mouthing the word  _ Uber _ at him.

The line was quiet for a moment as Remus pointed to his phone and whispered  _ Ro _ before walking off.

“Yeah, please.”

Sirius nodded to Remus, pacing in the hallway. “Dad’s going to call Ro now, then we’re getting in the car.”

“Stay on the phone? Please. At least til I’m at Ro’s?” Their voice cracked and they sniffled again.

The tears of relief and concern Sirius had been trying to keep at bay finally won out and they sniffled themselves, wishing more than ever that they could just transport right to where he was. “Of course, I’m right here, always.”

“Did -- did you have a party?”

Sirius paced the hallway again, on the verge of just going out to the car just to feel like they were doing something. “No, we just did dinner.”

“Is it my fault?” Teddy cried more as Remus came out to the hallway.

_ Come on, _ Sirius mouthed to Remus, waving their hand towards the door. “It wouldn’t have been a party without you, right?” They asked, attempting levity.

Grabbing his keys, Remus also reached for his jacket. “Ro’s taking her friend’s car to come and get you. She won’t be long. She said she knows exactly where you are,” he explained as they went for the door.

“She said she doesn’t have visions. She’s -- she’s a liar.”

Sirius smiled a little sadly, heading out the door and locking it behind them. “Mmm, all that woo-woo is, isn't it?”

“I’m sorry.”

“We already forgave you, Teddy.” Sirius got into the car, pulling their belt on as they cradled the phone against their shoulder. “Let’s not talk about this all right now. Let’s get you home first, okay?”

It sounded as if a group of rowdy people were walking past Teddy, loud talking and some whooping echoed through the connection. “Yeah. I miss you two and Bucky and my bed.”

Remus started to pull out of the driveway, looking determined.

Sirius put their hand on his knee, their heart hurting. They wanted their baby home so they could look after him. “Oh, Bucky’s going to be sad we beat him to the top of the list.”

“He’ll have to deal with it.”

“He’ll manage I’m sure. We can get you home and tucked up with us, hmm?”

Teddy sniffled. “Yeah. I miss home. I just want to be there.”

“I know darling, I wish I could just teleport you home.”

“Me too.”

Remus cleared his throat. “We won’t be long, okay? And Ro’s probably nearly there.”

“Yeah, she probably is. And we’ll be there just as soon as we can, alright? What do you want for dinner tomorrow? Or we can do breakfast tomorrow, huh?”

“Yeah, can -- can Dad make waffles? And -- Thai, we could get Thai.” Teddy’s voice quivered.

Sirius bit their lip, letting out a breath. “That sounds wonderful darling, we can do that. Waffles in the morning and Thai in the evening.”

When Ro arrived, Sirius felt the tension in their chest release a little. They knew Rowena would look after Teddy until they got there, but London felt so far away. Sirius spent most of the journey on edge, wishing they could get there sooner.

“He’s okay,” they said, checking their phone again.

“Exactly, he’s all right, he’s safe with Ro and -- and we’ll take care of the rest.” Remus sniffed.

“We will, we’ll figure it all out.” Sirius rubbed their hand over their face. “Are you okay?”

Remus took a deep breath. “My mind is going in circles trying to decide what we need to get done and how Teddy is and if everything will work out. How about you?”

“It will work out.” Sirius tucked their feet up onto the chair. “I feel… relieved? Upset that he’s upset, worried but, Ro has him. We can figure everything out after that.”

“Yeah, we can do it. We got this far.” Remus glanced over at them. “He’s coming home though.”

“He is. Everything will be okay. I just… I want to teleport to him and hug him.”

“Me too, but we’re gonna be there soon.”

Sirius let out a breath, glancing at their phone. Oh shit, they should text Marlene. They weren’t going into work tomorrow.

_ On our way to London. Teddy called and wants to come home. Can you sort cover for tomorrow? xx _

_ THEY CALLED? THEY’RE COMING HOME? THAT’S AMAZING! DON’T WORRY ABOUT WORK! TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED! WE HAVE IT! _

_ Okay, thank you. He called crying, idk if something has happened but we’re driving down just now. _

They bit their lip, tapping quickly to the found family group chat, with all the aunts and uncles, and told them they had heard from Teddy, and he was coming home. It felt so strange to finally say those words. They just wanted to get him back home.

**Alice** **  
** That’s so good!   
Take care

**Reggie** **  
** Tell Moony not to worry about work

**James**   
He’s okay!   
I’m so happy   
Love you sib

**Mary** **  
** The energy that I was picking up on must of been from him earlier

**Peter**   
Good, glad to hear it

**Lily** **  
** James is sobbing, we’re so happy that he’s okay

**Frank**   
Fantastic!

**Benjy** **  
** Hes is jumping up and down with happiness   
Hope he comes back to help out at the studio too!

**Dorky** **  
** I can’t hear anything, Marlene has been screaming

Sirius smiled, tears running down their face again. “I told everyone so they don’t worry about us being MIA. Reggie says don’t worry about work, James is sobbing, Marly is screaming.”

_ Thanks guys. We’re so glad he’s okay. Love you all. Thanks for the good energy Mare. _

“Yeah? Of course that’s what they’re both doing.” Remus smiled. “Oh, look, nearly there.” He pointed to a sign up ahead.

“Thank god.” Sirius put their hand on his knee. “Need me to check directions to Ro’s?”

“Yeah, just to make sure. Never driven down there at night, everything always looks different, doesn’t it?”

“Right right,” they hummed, pulling up Maps to check. They just wanted to blink and be there with Teddy. “Follow the signs for Shoreditch just here. I… Jesus why isn’t teleportation a thing yet?”

“Okay… Christ, I wish it was. Get on inventing it, will you?”

“Ha, I will, I will.” 

Sirius kept their hand on Remus’ knee for the rest of the drive, and as soon as they parked up outside Ro’s building they were out of the car, trying to resist running.

“Come on.” Remus took a breath as he rang up to Ro.

A moment later the buzzer went. “Hi, come up,” Ro said through the intercom.

Sirius smiled as they pushed the door open. “Of course she knows it’s us.”

“As if she wouldn’t.” Remus pulled them to the elevator, and Sirius was sure they could feel his pulse pounding in his hand.

They jabbed the button for Ro’s floor then took his face in their hands, breathing. “It’s okay. We’re here and he’s okay.”

“I know, I know.” He took a deep breath -- an actual deep breath. “He’s all right.”

“He is.” They kissed him lightly, and as soon as the doors opened, tugged him out and to where Ro was stood at the door to her flat. “Hi darling,” they said, crossing to her and hugging her briefly. “Thank you for going to get him.”

“Of course, Pads, he’s like my brother. Nearly dragged him home with me earlier, but I knew he had to find himself.” She hugged them back.

“You know.” They kissed her cheek before stepping past, not really caring about being polite because their baby was in there.

On the sofa, Teddy was curled up, sleeping and hugging one of Ro’s pillows against him. Sirius’ heart ached as they knelt in front of him. God, he looked so tired. They put their hand on his shoulder, circling softly.

“Piccolino, wake up darling.”

“Come on, annwyl, you can sleep in the car.” Remus knelt next to them as Teddy squinted at them. “I’d carry you but I’m old and you’re tall.” Remus laughed softly, kissing Teddy on the forehead.

“I’m willing to give it a try,” Sirius said, gathering him into a hug. God, he was okay. He was alright, after three weeks that felt like three months and so much worry and heartbreak he was okay, and Sirius wasn’t going to let him run away again.


	24. Chapter 24

When the call came through and Teddy was on the phone, Remus could hardly believe it. He sounded so sad, and so tired, but they were going to go get him. The ride down to Ro’s place took forever. If the last three weeks felt like liminal, then the last few hours had put Remus in another dimension.

Now Remus was watching Sirius and Teddy hugging. He didn’t want to move, but he also wanted to bring Teddy back home as soon as possible. “Okay, I’ll get your bag. Where’s your other luggage?”

“I left it at Eleanor’s. I couldn’t carry it all.” Teddy held on tight to Sirius, looking like he was refusing to let go anytime soon. Sirius may need to carry him.

“Send me the address and I’ll get it for you.” Ro stood in the kitchen, smiled softly at them all.

Remus bent down and picked up their backpack, his eyes still on Sirius and Teddy. God he loved them both so much, his heart hurt.

“Thanks Ro.” Sirius was still hugging him tight.

“Anything, Teds, we’re family.” Ro smiled as Sirius finally pulled away from Teddy, helping him to his feet.

“Come on two.” Remus took Teddy’s hand. “We’ll get you home, annwyl.” He led them out of the flat after saying goodbye to Ro.

Sirius had their arm around Teddy’s shoulders, their other hand taking Remus’ in the elevator as they kissed his forehead. “I’m so glad you called me piccolino.”

Teddy sniffled, his head resting on Remus’ shoulder. “Me too. I just wanna be home.”

Remus’ heart ached in a different way now because he looked and sounded so sad. “You’re going home.”

“We got you darling.” Sirius gave him the saddest look, biting their lip.

He just wanted to bundle them both up and make sure both of them didn’t hurt anymore as they got off the elevator. “That’s right, we got you.”

Teddy lifted his head, a crease in his brow. “I’m -- I didn’t know that…”

Remus shook his head when they got to the car. “Don’t worry sweetheart. It’s okay. We’ll deal with everything later.”

“That’s what parents do, darling. We’re always here for you.” Sirius got into the back of the car, Teddy climbing in next to them. 

Remus watched them for a moment, happy that Teddy was there no matter how sad he seemed for the moment. They could make things better. Once Remus finally stepped away, he got into the car and turned on the radio before driving away.  _ God Only Knows _ started to play and Remus nearly burst into tears.

“This is what you played when you brought me home from the hospital, right?” Teddy asked as Sirius’ hand came up to rest on Remus’ shoulder.

“It is.” Sirius’ thumb stroked small circles on his shoulder, their voice so quiet. “Dad drove so slow. You were this little bundle of joy for us to bring home, and we were so scared.”

“Sat in the entryway with you, waiting for you to need us.” He tried his best not to cry thinking about tiny Teddy with Snuffles sniffing at him.

Sirius was quiet for a moment. “We’ve been waiting for you to need us again,” they said softly, stroking Teddy’s hair.

“Yeah. I did, I just, I don’t know.” Teddy’s voice was so quiet.

Sirius squeezed Remus’ shoulder. “Don’t worry, piccolino, just relax right now.”

They both fell quiet, and Remus wondered if both of them fallen asleep. He didn’t mind, he was so much calmer now that Teddy was with them and they were listening to the playlist Sirius had made for him.

After a while, Remus felt Sirius’ hand on his shoulder again. “Hi caro.”

“Oh, hi, love. I thought you were sleeping,” he said, keeping his voice low.

“I think I might’ve dozed.” They were speaking quietly too. “Catching up on all the sleep I’ve missed for three weeks.”

“Yeah, I can’t do that just yet.” He chuckled. “Lots of sleeping the next few days.”

“Mhmm, all three of us I think.” They paused as a Johnny Coltrane song came onto the playlist. “Are you all right?”

“I think so. I feel like I’m in a dream.” Remus glanced in the rearview mirror to look at Sirius. They gave him a smile, biting their lip. Their eyes were shining with tears in the passing lights.

“Me too, and I’m gonna wake up soon… but we’re not.” They glanced down to Teddy, then back up to Remus. “We’ve got him.”

“Yeah, he’s going to be okay. We’ll make sure of it.” He smiled, wishing that they were home so he could just snuggle up with them.

Sirius was quiet for a moment before they spoke again. “Do you want to pull over at a petrol station, and I can drive the rest of the way back?”

“No, I’ll be okay. I don’t want to wake him up.” Remus wasn’t exactly ready to sleep yet, his mind was spinning still. Sleep would come eventually, but at least driving helped keep his mind on a task.

“Alright. Thank you for driving caro.” They squeezed their hand on his shoulder again.

“You’re welcome, love. It’s -- I’m just happy now.”

“Me too,” Sirius said, voice breaking a little. “Me too.”

Remus nearly pulled over so he could get out and hug them. “Yeah. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I am now. I… ugh, I want to be home so I can tuck Teddy into bed like we used to and then cuddle you and… I’m just glad he’s back, I’m glad he’s home and we didn’t ruin things.”

“Me too. Bucky’s going to be so happy.” Remus smiled to himself.

“Oh, he’s going to lose his mind, having his best friend back.”

“We won’t get to cuddle Teddy because Buck will take up all the space.”

“I love that dog but I will fight him for cuddle space,” Sirius chuckled.

“I will too. Both of us can take him.” Remus reached up to pat the hand on his shoulder.

Sirius let out a laugh, quickly falling silent when Teddy made a soft noise. Their hand squeezed his then went back to Teddy’s hair. “Shh, piccolino, it’s alright.”

They were fairly quiet the rest of the ride home. Thankfully getting back to Godric’s seemed faster than the drive to London. When they parked in the driveway, Remus hopped out, grabbing Teddy’s bag before opening the door for Sirius.

“Well, he’s out cold.” Remus leaned against the car.

Sirius smiled, managing to sidle out from underneath Teddy. “I know. C‘mon, we can sort of carry him.”

Remus put the bag over his shoulders before reaching for Teddy. “Come on, annwyl.” Remus said softly as Teddy let out a groan, squinting.

“So tired,” he mumbled.

“I know darling, just a minute then you can fall asleep in your own bed.” Sirius took him under the arm, helping him out of the car.

Remus did the same with his other arm, helping him out before closing the door behind them. Teddy leaned into him heavily with a yawn. “Do you need anything?”

“Mmm, bed.” Teddy seemed to be walking with his eyes closed, trusting Sirius and Remus to get him inside safely.

When Remus went to open the door, he could already hear Bucky at the door. “Someone’s excited.”

Sirius chuckled, kissing Teddy’s temple. “Your best pal’s excited to see you.”

“Mmm, Buck.” Teddy looked down as they stepped inside. Bucky was spinning in a circle, he was so happy to see Teddy.

“I know, bud, Teddy’s home.” Remus got Teddy’s backpack off, dropping it in the entryway.

“Come on, everyone upstairs,” Sirius said, petting Bucky and gesturing for him to lead the way up the stairs. “Good job Buck.”

Getting Teddy up the stairs was a little difficult. It reminded Remus of the time he had got drunk for the first time and tried to make it up to his room. This time Remus didn’t laugh because he was more than a little concerned with how Teddy was feeling. That could be taken care of tomorrow, though.

Soon enough they were in Teddy’s room, which now didn’t feel so empty. “All right, annwyl, let’s get you into pjs, huh?”

Sirius went to the dresser and pulled out an old Ascendance shirt and some pyjama bottoms. They had a wry smile on their face as they crossed back over to Teddy and Remus. “We haven’t done this for a few years huh?”

“No, it’s been a while.” Remus held Teddy up as he was trying to go to the bed. “Only a minute or so more.”

“Ugh, so tired.” Teddy yawned then pouted.

Sirius chuckled. “I know piccolino.” They managed to lever Teddy’s shirt off, their fingers slipping so they nearly hit themselves in the face. “God, Jesus when did you get so tall?”

“‘s your fault.” He let Sirius help him into his new shirt as Remus laughed softly, making sure Teddy didn’t fall.

“Easier when you were tiny.”

“I wish I were tiny again.” Teddy frowned and Remus was sure his heart broke again.

Sirius smoothed his hair back, making a soft noise. “Nah, I don’t think you do, darling. Much less fun, and all your cool clothes would be too big.”

“Right.” Remus rubbed his back, trying not to cry. “Though, you did have cool clothes as a kid, I don’t think it’s your style anymore.”

“Mm, ‘spose,” Teddy mumbled, leaning into them.

“We’re always right, you know?” Sirius helped him into bed, pulling his jeans off and helping him into his pyjama bottoms.

“Yeah, maybe.”

“I’ll make sure you remember saying that tomorrow morning,” he teased, moving to pull back Teddy’s covers.

“I’m going to get it engraved on something,” Sirius said, practically pouring Teddy into bed. “Sleep piccolino, it’s all okay.”

“Night.” Teddy’s eyes were already closed.

Remus let out a long breath. “I should get him some water.”

“Yeah,” Sirius whispered, smoothing back Teddy's hair.

“I’ll be right back.” Remus kissed them on the cheek, knowing they weren’t going to want to move just yet.

Sirius leaned up, tilting their head so his kiss landed more on the corner of their mouth. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Remus brushed a hand through their hair and watched Teddy’s chest rising and falling for a moment. He was home. He was safe. He was curled up in his bed with Bucky now at his feet and Sirius watching over him like they did when he was ill as a kid. Any lasting pain in his chest was gone. Everything felt like it would be okay.

After kissing Sirius on the top of the head, he went down to the kitchen to make tea for Sirius and himself, as well as get water for Teddy. Remus also got some snacks because they hadn’t eaten dinner, and it was getting late. He stood in the kitchen staring at the kettle as he took a few deep breaths.  _ It’s going to get better now _ , Remus thought before going to put the tea together.

When everything was on the tray, Remus headed back up the stairs. Once he dropped their tea and snacks in their room, he crossed the hall to bring Teddy his water.

Sirius was still sitting next to Teddy, smoothing their hand through his hair. They had their bottom lip caught between their teeth, and looked more relaxed than Remus had seen for three weeks.

“I made tea and brought up some food,” he whispered after setting the water on the nightstand. “We should go see to that. We can keep the door open, but we’re going to be useless if we don’t have food and try to get some rest.”

Sirius nodded, looking up at him with the fondest look. “You’re so good to us,” they murmured, looking back to Teddy before leaning down to kiss his forehead. “We can keep the doors open?”

“As if I would close them right now.” Remus put a hand on their shoulder.

“Mhmm.” Sirius leaned into him, turning to press a kiss to his wrist. “Tea and food sounds good.”

Remus smiled at them. “Come on, my pearl.”

Sirius stood up, padding silently over to the door with Remus. “I have a feeling he’ll sleep all through,” they said softly. “God, I’m tired too.”

He nodded, looking over his shoulder one more time just to make his brain know that Teddy was there and not going anywhere. “Me too.”

“Bed.” Sirius pulled him towards the bedroom. The fairy lights were on above the bed and Sirius let out a long breath.

“It’s going to be okay. He’s back.” Remus took a deep breath, sitting on the edge of the bed. For the first time in weeks, Remus didn’t feel like he was drowning.


	25. Chapter 25

A knock roused Sirius from their light sleep, early enough because the light was just at the edges of the windows. They sat up, a little confused, seeing Teddy in the doorway. “Piccolino? What is it?”

Teddy scrapped his teeth over his bottom lip. “I’m just…” he trailed off, his voice breaking.

Sirius sat up, pushing the duvet back. “Come on.”

Teddy didn’t waste a moment as Sirius felt Remus shifting behind them. Sniffling, Teddy climbed between them both and snuggled up against Remus. Remus was frowning slightly, still bleary with sleep. “I’m sorry. I know you forgive me but I’m sorry I made you worry for so long.”

Remus kissed the top of Teddy’s head. “It was horrible, but you’re here now, annwyl. We’ve got you.”

“I fucked up so much.”

Sirius tutted softly, smoothing down Teddy’s hair again. Their poor baby. “Nothing we can’t fix,” they said softly. “Everything is fixable, so we can work it out together… Do you need us to do anything? Call a rehab or I don’t know…”

There was a pause as Remus looked to Sirius.

“Maybe? I don’t know.”

Sirius hummed, combing through Teddy’s hair. That idea was horrible, that Teddy would need to go to rehab, that he wasn’t okay and had really fallen apart in London. They wanted so much to snap their fingers and fix him. But, he was here now, and they could support their child however he needed. Sirius was a little surprised both Remus and Teddy were awake, both of them resoundingly not morning people.

“Unless you need it right now, we’ll do some research after more sleep. I don’t think any of us are good for decision making in this state.” Remus gave Sirius a reassuring smile.

“Yeah, more sleep.”

“More sleep is good.”

Sirius chuckled; ah, there it was. “Caro, you always could sleep more.”

“I could, and you could use some more sleep right now too. You don’t sleep enough love,” Remus said knowingly.

“I sleep plenty,” they said softly, knowing it wasn’t  _ strictly _ true in the past three weeks.

Teddy let out another sniffle. “I missed you two arguing over dumb things.”

“Yeah, now you don’t have to miss it. You’re back in your prime front row seat.” Remus kissed the top of their head.

“The best seat.” He let out a long yawn.

Sirius chuckled, rubbing Teddy’s back like they did when he was little, when they were ill and sniffly. They could sit here for so long and just look at the two most important people in their life. “Back to sleep piccolino, it’s all alright. We’re not going anywhere, it’s going to be okay.”

Remus reached over to give their hand a squeeze. “You sleep too.”

“I’ll certainly give it a try,” they whispered, happy to just look at them both.

Remus shuffled back down, snuggled up with Teddy and closed his eyes. Sirius dozed eventually, their hand still on Teddy’s back, feeling as if everything was okay in the world.

When they woke up again, the sun was a little higher. They shuffled to sit up, happy to see Teddy still asleep, and Remus stirring too. They scrolled through their phone, checking the messages in the group chat. Everyone was so happy that Teddy was back.

Remus sat up eventually, rubbing his eyes. “Morning,” he whispered in a voice still thick with sleep.

“Morning caro,” they hummed, smiling.

“How are you?” He looked a little concerned, but nothing like he had been the last three weeks.

“Tired?” They rubbed their eyes. “But happy.”

“Me too.” He carefully leaned over Teddy and kissed them on the cheek. “A little worried for him still too.”

‘Yeah.” Sirius kissed his cheek back, sighing softly. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Better than I have the last few weeks.” He looked down at Teddy. “I should make waffles.”

“Mm, he would like that, and Thai tonight?”

“Yeah, of course.” Remus sighed, shifting to get out of bed. “Feels weird, doesn’t it?”

“To have him back?” Sirius smiled as Teddy didn’t stir at all. “Weird, but good.”

Remus nodded, picking up a sweatshirt. “Yeah, really good. Any requests for food?”

“Waffles. Strawberries? Just, berries, I guess? I feel a bit queasy, so something light, but I think Teddy will want bacon, won’t he?” Sirius rubbed their hand over their face.

“Yeah, that sounds good. Do you want some of that tea with ginger for your stomach? Or coffee?”

“Mm, both?” Sirius smiled, biting their lip. “Thank you caro, you’re the best.”

Remus came over to their side of the bed to drop a kiss on their lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Sirius murmured, lifting a hand to cup his cheek.

Remus kissed them one more time, running his fingers through their hair. “Okay, be back in a while.”

“Alright, I love you.”

“Love you.”

Sirius settled back into the bed, scrolling through their phone. They snapped a quick picture of Bucky at the foot of the bed and Teddy’s curls next to them, sending it to the group chat.  _ My baby is back home _ .

Sometime after Remus went off to make breakfast, Teddy rolled over a little. “Where’s Dad?”

Sirius smiled down at him, dropping their phone to the side. “Getting coffee and something to eat for us because it’s fairly late in the morning and his stomach was grumbling.” They paused and smoothed down his hair again. “I’m so happy you’re back and you’re all right, piccolino.”

Teddy sat up to hug them tight. Sirius couldn’t remember the last time that he had hugged them so hard. Sirius hugged him back, feeling the tears in their eyes again. They wanted to hold him tight and keep him safe forever. They pulled back and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead.

“Pronouns?”

“She/her.” There was a long pause as Teddy pulled back a little. “You were right, they weren’t good people. I heard Eleanor and Maddie talking about me and about… about how I…” She bit her lip, looking down for a moment.

Of course Remus chose that time to walk in with breakfast. Surprisingly there wasn’t waffles or bacon on it -- just mugs and toast and fruit. “Oh, annwyl, you’re awake.”

Sirius rolled their eyes. “Caro, if you have the worst timing.” They kept their arm around Teddy’s shoulders.

Setting the tray down, he raised an eyebrow. “Shall I leave?”

“No stay,” Teddy pleaded.

“What did I interrupt?”

Sirius tutted. “No, you’re fine,” they hummed, waving Remus over. He joined them on the bed, reaching for his coffee.

“I couldn’t be -- I wasn’t out to them. They said some shit about me wearing skirts.” She sniffed, her voice sounding like she was trying not to cry again. “Eleanor and Maddie said I just took their stuff and ate their things and that I’d fuck anything.”

Sirius set their mug down, feeling their hands shaking a little with the rage that these snotty rich girls made their daughter feel bad about herself. They let out a breath and hugged Teddy tight. “That’s utter bullshit,” they said. “They’re bigoted twats.”

Remus shuffled closer. “If they were real friends they would have been sympathetic to what you were trying to work through.”

“I gave them money for food and stuff… I…”

Sirius bit their lip, trying not to get angry because that wouldn’t help. “It’s okay, piccolina.”

“Fuck them. If arson would help, I’d be on my way back to London.” Remus took Teddy’s mug from her, giving Sirius a look that said  _ Punk Remus is just under the surface _ . Sirius reached and took his hand, knowing Punk Remus would absolutely ensure they would get what was coming to them, especially when Sirius was angry too.

“It’s okay,” they murmured, kissing the top of her head. “You have friends here who will always help you, but no matter how good they are, there will always be vile people in the world.” They squeezed Remus’ hand, still hugging Teddy. “Your dad and I can go burn down the flat, if you think it will help, but their opinion doesn’t fucking matter because they’re bullshit.”

She pulled back and rubbed her hands over her cheeks. “Yeah I don’t get how I couldn’t see it.”

“You were looking for something to help you feel better, Teddy. Eleanor just happened to be there and acted like what you thought you needed.” Somehow Remus had a tissue ready for Teddy to have.

Sirius smiled at Remus, still rubbing Teddy’s back as she blew her nose. “I was so stupid.”

Taking Sirius’ hand Remus gave Teddy a soft smile. “You made mistakes, we all have to make mistakes sometimes there’s nothing that happened that you can’t fix. Take as much time as you need then we can work out what we have to do.”

Teddy rubbed her face, sighing. “I know you went through things growing up and you didn’t have everything. You did raise me better. I was just being a spoilt twat like Eleanor.”

“That’s good to know.” Remus chuckled.

Sirius let out another breath. They hated that Teddy had to go through that, had to run away and try to find themselves and it end badly, with them getting hurt. Maybe it was just because running away, or rather, getting kicked out, was the best thing to ever happen to them, but they wanted Teddy to have that safe space that they had with the Potters. They picked up their coffee and took a sip as if it held the answers.

Teddy apparently could tell they were thinking things over because she asked, “What is it Pada?”

“It’s just… I’ve been thinking how I’m sad you didn’t get to run away to somewhere safe and happy?” They swallowed, taking another sip. “I had Uncle James and then Uncle Reggie had me. I just wish you had somewhere like that.”

“This is my somewhere like that. I didn’t… I always had my safe place.” Teddy’s frown deepened.

Sirius cleared their throat, reaching for their own tissue. It still felt, in some way, like they had failed her. “Always, yeah.”

“That’s right, you can always come home, Teddy. We’re always going to be here for you no matter what happened.” Being Remus, he pushed Teddy’s toast towards her. “If you can stomach some toast that’d be good.”

She took the slice with a little breath. “I felt so stupid because I fell into this group thinking that they had what I needed and everything I needed was here or with the people I already have in my life. Everything was just so confusing and I thought I needed to be away from everyone to be grown.”

Sirius nodded, still drinking their coffee. “We understand that, piccolina, we really do. You don’t have to justify why you took off to us.” As much as it hurt both them and Remus. “We know that you’re not sure what you want to do with yourself professionally, and then your friends all went away and you broke up with your boyfriend of four years.” Or rather, the stupid boy split up with her. “That’s a lot all at once that would throw anyone through a loop,” they said, giving her a reassuring smile.

“My whole body feels like shit,” she declared after chewing her toast.

Remus scratched behind his ear, looking at Sirius. “Do you need anything? We can make an appointment somewhere if you think you need it.”

“I’m not sure?”

Sirius smiled at Remus. “Your dad’s been researching after we spoke with a counselor the other week.”

“A counselor?”

Remus fidgeted with his mug. “They have them to support families struggling with people abusing drugs. We weren’t sure what to do or how bad things were, so we need to get it right.”

“Oh…” Teddy trailed off.

Sirius bit their lip, putting a hand on Teddy’s shoulder. “We have so many pamphlets. You’d probably be angry that we killed far too many trees if you saw them,” they said fondly, shaking their head at Remus.

It would be hard to recover from this, for all of them. But they would do it, and everything would be okay.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I was out and Jenn was busy, I'll post another chapter later this afternoon/evening EST

As glad as Remus was to have Teddy back, there was now a whole new obstacle to get over: how to help her. She looked so tired and had she lost weight? She didn’t look healthy which made Remus’ stomach turn. He wanted to go back down and make waffles and bacon right now. Earlier he decided not to, wanting to wait for her to get up and just take her time. Now he very much wanted to get her more food.

Now, he was listening to Sirius and Teddy talking and he wanted to remind Teddy how she was safe and that her parents trusted her. “I want you to know that I really wasn’t looking through your things. You mentioned your laundry off handedly the night before, so I thought I'd do something nice. Things were really hard with us, but I would never intrude on you like that. I’ve done your laundry a million times.”

“I know, you’ve never done that before, but I wouldn’t have blamed you if you did it then,” Teddy said, finishing her toast and grabbing a strawberry. “I wasn’t acting like I normally do.”

Remus let out a long breath, happy that she knew. “We found a list of things to look out for if you thought someone you loved was abusing drugs and you hit a few of them… more than a few of them.” Remus grimaced thinking about how awful Teddy must feel, and everything they were going through. All he wanted to do was help.

“I, ah, I don’t think I’m addicted to anything, but I really liked how everything made me feel.” Teddy pressed her palm to one eye, looking miserable for a moment.

Sirius gave Remus a sort of out-of-their-depth look. “Your Dad and I have never done anything harder than weed and a couple too many drinks. We felt so out of our depth… we still do, but there’s plenty of help out there for us all,” they said, before taking a sip of their coffee.

Remus felt just as out of his depth. Like Sirius said, he’d never ventured outside of weed and drinking. He had no clue what to say or how to fix it, even though they had gone to see Arabella three times and had plans and discussion starters and dos and don’ts.

“Yeah, I never thought I would do anything like this. At first, I kept thinking about what Dad would say about how I didn’t know where the drugs came from.” She looked down, avoiding Remus and Sirius’ eyes.

God, his worst nightmare was Teddy taking something that would kill her or make her ill. To know for certain that she took whatever, made Remus sick to his stomach. Sirius took his hand, rubbing their thumb over his knuckles.

“Believe me, your Dad was very worried about that,” they said softly.

“We always talked about being safe with drugs and with sex and I… I was shit at following everything we ever talked about.” Teddy sounded like she was about to cry again and Remus was sure that he was going to cry right along with her.

“Okay, that’s--you’re okay.” Sirius took a breath. Remus knew they were just as worried about all of this. “We’ll go to the clinic and get tested.”

“ _ We’ll _ ?” Teddy asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, I’ll get it too.” Remus agreed with Sirius.

“You’ve been with Dad for ages. I remember that talk about condoms.” The noise Teddy made was similar to the one Remus was making in his head. “I appreciate the solidarity though.” She paused, taking a sip of her coffee. “I’d like it if you both came with me, especially for any results because that’s the worst part, right.”

Remus hoped that everything would be just fine as he moved to sit next to Sirius. “Hopefully the worst part will be the bloodwork. We’ll all get tested.”

“Only if we can go shopping after… not that I have any money for that. I can window shop.”

“I know that this is something you’re struggling with, but you can work at the studio or Recovery. Hannah’s got a torn ACL, so we’re down a teacher at the studio,” Sirius said, cuddling up to Remus.

“Yeah?”

“We can lend you a bit more money then work something out for you to pay us back, if you want to.” Remus and Sirius had talked about what they would do to help her, and money was one of those points of conversation. “Pada and I have no expectations for you to give us any money back, but we understand the importance of you doing that. But if we do lend you any more money -- whether you want to pay it back or not -- we have to set up some ground rules.” Remus didn’t want her to blow all her cash like she did going down to London every weekend for three months.

Teddy took a deep breath. “I’m guessing not going to London and seeing that group?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it,” Sirius said drily, snickering.

“If we think you’re falling back into these habits, we can ask you to take a drug test or ask you to see someone.” He put his hand on Sirius’ shoulder, giving Teddy a smile and hoping he didn’t sound so harsh. “Granted I’d like for you to see a doctor as it is. The counselor we’ve been talking to said it’d be good for you to do so. Maybe even someone who deals with substance abuse.”

Teddy bit her lip, pausing for a moment. “Yeah, okay.”

“And we hope that you’ll talk to us if you want to go back to doing what you have been doing.”

Sirius shifted to set their coffee down, raking their hands through their hair. “We don’t want you to have no fun or not go out with friends, but just… not this.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m not addicted to anything, I just used whatever.”

Remus’ heart clenched at the thought. “Can we ask what? Aside from the cocaine?”

“Ah, MDMA, LSD, adderall, and ketamine. Mostly coke. Jesus christ, it was expensive and stupid.” Teddy rested her forehead on her knees for a moment while Remus attempted to wrap his head around everything.

“One of the things we learned was that we shouldn’t say it’s stupid.”

Teddy lifted her head, rolling her eyes. “But it was stupid.”

“Yeah, it was stupid.” Sirius was probably reeling too, still raking their hands through their hair. “Fucking stupid, the dumbest thing you’ve done, but it’s okay. You’re here and safe and we’re going to work things out.”

“Does everyone know where I was?” Teddy was avoiding eye contact, playing with the thread on the comforter.

Sirius glanced to Remus, then back to Teddy. “We told Grandma and Uncle James,” they said. “They haven’t told anyone else, they promised not to. I mean… everyone knows that you went to London and that you’re having a hard time because it was unavoidable. We didn’t tell anyone else about the drugs--just that you wanted to find yourself.”

“Okay and Ro knows, Auntie Mary must know. All that chatting on the astral plane with Grandma and Ro.” Teddy shifted as Bucky inched his way closer to her, so she could press her face into his side. “I feel like a failure.”

Remus nearly lost it at that. “Annwyl, you’re not a failure. You haven’t even started yet.” He cleared his throat, trying to not fall apart. Wrapping his arms around them, he held on to her to show her how much he cared.

“You’re not disappointed?”

“I’m so proud of you.” He sniffled.

Remus felt Sirius’ hand on his back as they hugged both he and Teddy. “Piccolina, we could never be disappointed in you.” They pressed a kiss to Remus’ cheek and ruffled Teddy’s curls. “Upset for you, sad, worried, but never disappointed. What Dad said, we’re so proud that you called us, and we’re so proud you’re taking steps in the right direction.”

“Exactly, we’ve got you now and we’ll figure out what to do next. You’re going to be okay, Teddy. I just hope you let us help.” Remus rubbed her back as Bucky whimpered and clambered over, clearly wanting to get in on the family time.

Sirius chuckled, patting Bucky. “Yeah, we’re here, let us help.”

Teddy agreed. “Yeah, I know that now.”

Remus nodded, looking at Sirius over Teddy’s shoulder. “We love you, kid.”

“We love you more than anything, piccolino,” Sirius agreed. 

“Yeah, I know I love you too.”

Remus sniffed, trying to hold back any tears as he sat back. “So, waffles? I didn’t make them yet because I thought you’d sleep for ages.”

Teddy bit her lip, nodding.

“Waffles sound good,” Sirius said, their voice a little croaky. “Daytime movie day?”

“Yeah. And I -- I wanna talk about seeing a doctor and stuff too.” Teddy looked up at them.

Remus ruffled her curls. “Okay, how about you two hunker down wherever you please and I’ll make waffles?”

“That sounds good piccolina, what do you think?” Sirius pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Yeah, that’s good.” Teddy rubbed her face. “Let’s go downstairs. I miss the whole house.”

Remus laughed. “It misses you too. Let’s go then.” Kissing Teddy on the forehead again, Remus moved to get out of bed. “Come on you two.”

After bringing down the tray with the mugs and leftover toast and fruit on it, Remus went to the kitchen. He could hear Sirius and Teddy in the living room, talking quietly. Even though everything was still all up in the air, and Teddy was still in a fragile place, it felt better. There wasn’t this heaviness in the house that had settled over Sirius and Remus the last few weeks. Their missing part was back.

“Here’s the waffles and bacon. Coffee refills too.” Remus carried the tray into the living room.

Teddy sat up from where she was leaning against Sirius, her head probably in their lap judging by the state of her curls. “That smells so good.”

“Mmm, it really does,” Sirius said, shifting up to make space for Remus.

“Waffles and bacon can fix anything, right, Teddy?”

Teddy smiled as he pushed the table closer to the sofa. “I lived off of junk food the last three weeks. Anything with substance is good.”

Remus tried not to frown thinking about her time away again. “Well, we’ve been living off of your grandparents left overs.”

Sirius’ hand fell to Remus’ shoulder, rubbing slightly. “They’ve been here and cooking  _ so much _ food.”

“Oh, yeah? They do that, don’t they?”

“You missed Grandpa’s chicken pot pie.” Remus settled onto the sofa next to Sirius. “I know that’s your favorite.”

Teddy frowned, picking up her coffee cup. “Yeah…”

“We can get him to make it again, piccolina,” Sirius said, leaning into Remus.

Remus put his arm around their waist as Teddy tucked into the waffles, looking suddenly ravenous. “I’m sure we’ll get a fresh round of food.”

With the fork in her mouth she nodded. “Yeah.”

“You know how they all are.” Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’ cheek. “You need to eat too.”

“I know, I know. I’m just… I dunno, I think I’m waking up still, or just trying to adjust to everything.” Sirius leaned into him for a moment before they sat up, spearing a corner of waffle on their fork.

He reached for a piece of bacon, not sure what to do or say anymore. He had made breakfast and they had had a big talk. Now what? It was all so strange. Maybe he was adjusting too like Sirius. “Um, what should we watch?”

“Step Up,” Teddy answered quickly as if she didn’t even have to think about it.

Sirius let out a little chuckle, turning their head towards Remus’ shoulder. “God, Teddy, I really have missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she paused. “Did you miss me because Dad vetoed dance films without me?”

“As if I could veto those.”

“Ha! No, we watched lots of comfort films, so I think Step Up and Center Stage at least once a week, right caro?” Sirius smiled, looking to Remus because they knew how he could hardly resist them asking nicely.

“Yeah, lots of comfort movies and we made our way through Bake Off about two and a half times.”

Teddy frowned a little. “Well, that’s good? I guess.”

Remus rubbed Sirius’ back as he finished his bacon. God, he really had no clue what to do or say. Why didn’t he have a script? Why didn’t he have all the answers? “Yeah, and we can watch whatever you want.”

“Yeah, I’ll put Step Up on, hm?” Sirius grabbed another forkful of waffle, then plucked up the remote.

“I was going to do it.” He kissed them on the cheek again. “Anyone need anything else?”

“No, Dad.” Teddy rolled her eyes.

Sirius chuckled, leaning back against him. “Let your dad fuss over you, piccolina. He has a few months to make up for.”

Remus stuffed his mouth with a piece of waffle because he felt like crying again. He hadn’t really cried recently, and he had no clue what to do with his emotions right now.

“Okay.” Teddy smiled a little sadly. “I don’t need anything though.”

“Okay.” Remus squeezed the hand resting on their leg.

“We can just cuddle up and exist today, hm? A proper family day.”

“Yeah, that sounds good. Maybe we can make plans though, to go to see a doctor? I just -- I want to get it over with and know…”

Remus nodded, his mind going through the list the Arabella had given them. He would make sure they found the right fit.


	27. Chapter 27

Sirius felt lighter than they had for weeks. They had made plans that day to speak to a doctor, to check things off the list Remus had been compiling to get Teddy back on her feet. They were humming to themselves as they tidied the kitchen, putting the leftover Thai food in the fridge, and it had been a while since they had really done anything like this, too used to just going through the motions.

But now Teddy was home. It hadn’t been an easy day, of course. They had had so many big talks, and Teddy had admitted to doing at least half of the things Sirius was worried she would do, not to mention the fact they were still seriously considering driving to London to speak to Eleanor. It had been hard, to know she had done those things, but it was easier knowing that it would be easier from here on out.

“Want tea or anything? I think I might shower.” Remus appeared in the doorway to the kitchen.

“You shower, caro, I can make tea and see you upstairs?” Sirius paused and turned to look at him, smiling softly.

Remus nodded, padding over to them. “Okay.” He hugged them, resting his forehead on their shoulder.

Sirius wrapped their arms around him, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “Are you alright?”

“I’m not sure. Overwhelmed, worried… but relieved at the same time.” He let out a long breath.

“That’s understandable. There’s… well shit, you know. She did a lot of things. But we’ll make sure it’s all okay.” Sirius rubbed a hand over his back, glad he was breathing deeper than he had in a while.

“I know.” Remus took another breath in. “I’ll go shower. Maybe it’ll help.”

“I’m sure it will,” Sirius hummed. “I’ll see you up there, with tea?”

“Yeah, thank you love.” He lifted his head to kiss them on the lips. “I love you.”

“I love you, so much.”

With one more kiss, Remus pulled away and made his way to the stairs. Sirius watched him walk away for a moment before turning to the kettle to make tea. Remus did seem a little better today, he didn’t look or sound like he was on the edge of an anxiety attack, but they knew their husband was likely trying to deal with a thousand different feelings without burdening them. Sirius quite wanted to just give into the feelings themselves, a strange mixture of relief and sadness, dreading what lasting damage Teddy might have wreaked in the past few months.

Bucky trotted up the stairs in front of Sirius--after making sure the house was empty and safe, as he did every night, bless him--and went into Teddy’s room. Sirius couldn’t fault him for that, he’d been so sad without his best friend around. Sirius nudged their bedroom door open, slipped through, and pushed it almost closed behind them. They didn’t want to shut it quite yet, not able to shake the idea of  _ what if Teddy needs us? _

“Hi caro,” they said towards the bathroom door, before going to set the tea on the nightstand.

“Hi, love.” His voice cracked from the bathroom, just audible over the shower.

Sirius frowned, hurrying over to the bathroom and knocking lightly on it before opening the door. “Hey, hey what’s wrong?”

“I’m just -- just thinking about how awful she -- she must have felt and I’m just overwhelmed.” He was standing under the spray with his hands over his face. Sirius didn’t waste a second pulling open the shower door and stepping in to wrap their arms around him, holding him tight.

“I know, I know it’s awful,” they murmured, pressing their mouth to his hair.

“Your clothes.” He let out a strangled laugh.

“I don’t give a shit. You’re much more important,” Sirius said. “They’re only sweats.”

Remus’ shoulders shook as he continued to cry. “Fuck, I’m so scared for her.”

Sirius’ heart broke all over again as they held him tight. They wanted to turn the water off but holding Remus was more important. “It’s okay. Whatever happens we’ll be here for her, caro.”

“I know.” He nodded, taking a deep breath. “I know, I’m just so -- it’s overwhelming.”

“It’s understandable. You’re allowed to be overwhelmed, caro. You’re--you’re so strong for everyone and always look after us all, and you’re allowed to put that down for a moment.” At his deep breath, Sirius reached behind him and blindly turned the shower off, their other hand still on his back.

“I know.” He sniffed back more tears. “I just, I got in the shower and suddenly...” He gestured vaguely.

“Oh, Remus Lupin only succumbing to emotions when he’s in a tiny glass box with nothing to do but Feel Things?” Sirius smiled, kissing his temple as they attempted to maneuver him out of the shower.

“Shocking, I know.” Remus let them navigate him around. They wrapped a towel around his shoulders, not caring if they were soaking wet now too.

“A real plot twist,” they murmured, towelling his hair. “I love you, you’re so strong and you’re so wonderful, Teddy and I are so lucky to have you.”

“Thank you, my pearl.” He let them do whatever they needed, just hanging his head.

Sirius dried him off as quick as they could, whilst also treating him with the kindness and gentleness he deserved. They stretched onto their toes and pressed a kiss to his forehead as they pulled him into the bedroom. “Bed, tea, and cuddles,” they said, still holding him tightly, their heart hurting.

“Perfect.” Remus nodded. “And you need to change into -- into warm clothes.”

“I know, Daddy,” Sirius murmured, smiling. “Can you do pyjamas whilst I get changed?”

“Yeah.” He opened his drawer. Sirius pulled off their wet clothes, dropping them in the hamper, then pulled on the pyjamas from the foot of the bed, casting their gaze back to Remus every few seconds to make sure he was okay.

Remus just quickly changed, looking as if he was focusing hard to get into his pjs. “Okay, tea?” He cleared his throat, finally glancing up at Sirius when he was dressed.

Sirius gestured to the nightstand where two cups of tea sat, steam rising from them. “Tea. C’mon, let’s get into bed.”

“Yeah, you make the tea just right.” He crawled into bed, reaching for his mug.

“Mmm, do I?” Sirius chuckled, climbing into bed next to him.

“Yeah.” Remus rubbed his eyes with one of his hands. “It’s so good.”

Sirius sipped their tea, watching him. God, they wished they could just fix everything, still. “Thank you. Are you alright?”

“I’ll be okay.” Shuffling closer, Remus put his head on their shoulder. “God, we did everything to make sure she did what was right and now…”

“I know,” they murmured, wrapping their arm around his shoulders. “We did everything we could, and everything capable, though, right? Poppy said that. We did everything feasible, and now she’s back, and maybe she’s hurting a little but she’s back and safe?” Sirius wasn’t sure if they believed themselves yet, because they were still a little caught up with whether they had really failed Teddy in allowing her to make those mistakes, but they had to say it.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Remus took a drink of his tea. “I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without you.”

“And I you, caro. I wouldn’t be here in any capacity without you. A house, a dog, a kid? Not without you.”

Remus nodded. “Exactly.” He pressed a kiss to their cheek.

Sirius turned their head to kiss him in return on the lips. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

They eventually fell asleep, wrapped up with each other. Sirius wanted to snuggle right up against Remus and hold him close because they were both right--they wouldn’t be able to do any of this without each other.

Sirius slept far later than the previous morning, apparently exhausted by the past two days, and woke up when the sun was fully up. Remus, though, was still asleep next to them. They stifled a chuckle, sitting up. Those were the times they knew something was really wrong, when Remus was awake before them.

Not wanting to wake him, Sirius slipped out of bed and pulled their sweatpants on, grabbing their phone on the way to make coffee. To their surprise, when they stepped into the hallway, they saw Teddy awake. They were sitting up in bed, petting Bucky.

“Morning darling,” they said softly, shutting the bedroom door behind them. “Pronouns?”

Teddy bit her lip. “She/her,” she replied in a quiet voice.

Sirius frowned, stepping into her bedroom doorway. “What’s wrong, piccolina?”

“Oh, I don’t know… everything? I mean… just a lot of things.” She hugged Bucky, resting against him like she did with Snuffles as a little kid.

“Yeah,” Sirius murmured, padding over and sitting on the edge of the bed. “Things are allowed to feel strange and off. Do you want to talk about any of it in particular?”

She shrugged. “I’m not sure.”

They set their phone down, holding an arm out to her. “Cuddles?”

“Yeah.” Teddy let go of Bucky in favor of cuddling with Sirius, putting her head on their shoulder, and holding on to them. “I feel like… I know you and Dad aren’t disappointed but, I still know I upset you so much.”

Sirius pressed a kiss to her temple. They always wanted to be honest with Teddy, and maybe it would be hard, but she deserved to know. “Yeah… yeah, we were both really upset darling, and you were too. I’m sorry I told you to leave, I didn’t mean that.”

“I know you didn’t mean it and I know Dad didn’t either.” She sniffed. “I -- I was so mean to you both.”

“I’m not going to hold it against you, Teddy.” They could feel tears in their eyes again, remembering their argument on the night Teddy left.

“I’m so sorry that I hurt you and said those things… I… I was just being selfish and doing stupid things.” Teddy lifted her head, lip caught between her teeth.

“I understand that,” they murmured. “It really hurt when you said we had everything we wanted for, when your Dad and I were your age.”

“I -- I know you didn’t. You -- you went through whatever with your parents and Dad lost… lost his Dad and…” Tears ran down her cheeks. “I was just trying to justify how I was acting.”

“I know darling.” Sirius lifted their free hand and wiped away her tears. “I know.”

“It was so mean and I was just being a fucking snobby jerk like Eleanor and them. God, they were horrible.” She shook her head. “I never would have been like that before but everything was just so messy in my head and…”

“I hate to say I told you so.” Sirius chuckled. “That girl is awful and I’m glad you got rid of her… I’m sorry she hurt you, though, and I’m sorry you couldn’t be yourself with them.”

“I know. I just -- I was such an idiot. I just wanted to fit in because it felt like I didn’t know who I was and I’ve always been so sure of myself. It was just… it was so weird and then I started doing the drugs and…”

Sirius hid a grimace. God, they hated the idea of Teddy in nightclubs doing molly and god knows what else. “You wanted to find your place, because… well, your home got torn out from under you, huh?”

She sniffed back more tears. “Yeah. I’m so worried I have some STI…”

“Even if you do, it’s not the end of the world. The modern miracle of antibiotics.” Sirius rubbed her back, biting their lip. They hated the idea of her being so hurt.

Teddy laughed. “Yeah, I know it’s just… I feel so ashamed.”

“You have nothing to be ashamed of, darling. Fuck those slut-shaming arseholes… well, not literally, that’s part of the problem.” Sirius chuckled, hugging her close.

“Ugh, Pada.” They could hear the laugh through her tears. “I know… It’s just shit.”

“It is,” Sirius agreed, sighing. “But you know who you are, you know? You know. You’ve always known, you’ve always known what you want and what you love. Those snobby bitches are proof of it, because you didn’t go along with them. You heard them talking shit and you said no, I’m not sacrificing who I am for that. That’s big. I couldn’t do that when I was a kid, you know, not for a long time.”

“Yeah? I always thought you were that way -- the way I was… am.”

“Not quite. When I went to live with Uncle James, I realised I could be who I wanted. But before my bio parents kicked me out, I thought I had to hide who I was and what I was learning about myself. Well, I did, really, because when they found out I wasn’t what they thought I was they kicked me out.” Sirius let out a breath. They didn’t talk about this often, not even sure if Teddy knew they were kicked out. It felt important to talk about it, though, so Teddy knew why this whole ordeal had hurt them too, and to prove to themselves they weren’t the parenting failure the voice in their head told them they were.

She frowned, looking as if she was processing the whole thing. “You never talked about them much before or that they did that. I mean, only a little. I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t talk about them because they’re a waste of my breath,” Sirius said, still hugging her close. “They were horrible people who kicked me out when they found a dress and some lipstick in my room.”

“I -- I’m really sorry I said that, even more now.” Teddy hugged them back again.

“It’s alright, my darling, I forgive you, okay? I accept your apology, and I’m not going to hang over your head that you’re lucky or whatever bullshit. But you know that I will accept you no matter how you are, so long as you’re happy?” Sirius hugged her tightly, trying to hold back their tears at the fact they’d spoken so frankly about their bio parents, even if they were long dead.

“Yeah, I know you will. I know.” She pressed her face into their shoulder. “I’m so lucky to have you and Dad.”

They pressed kisses to her curls, holding her tight. “We’re so lucky to have you too piccolina,” they murmured, taking another deep breath. “You know I was petrified of being a parent?”

“Really?” Teddy peered up at them.

“Mhmm.” Sirius wiped away her tears again. “I was absolutely terrified that I was going to be a bad parent, that I had awful role models and that shitty parenting was genetic, somehow. Even after you were born, I was so scared, your Dad had to tell me I was doing a good job so often.”

“You’re the best parent, Dad too… everyone’s always jealous.” Teddy bit her lip again.

“Well tough for them, because you’re my kid, and everyone else is a very far-away second place.” Sirius smiled, hugging her tightly.

“Yeah, I got lucky. When Rebel Rebel came on the other night and I was drunk and sad it was like the universe was screaming at me to stop being stubborn. I was just so scared to come home because I hurt you both so much and I… I don’t, it was just all so scary. It’s still scary.”

“It was. It was Ro and Auntie Mary and Grandma saying Pada still loves you, piccolina. It’s scary, and here, do you want to know a secret?”

Teddy nodded, still trying to sniffle away her tears.

Sirius hugged her tight. “I’m 50, and the world is still pretty scary,” they whispered. “But it’s alright, because you learn that the people you love have your back, and once you’ve done today, you never have to do it again.”

“Yeah? Also… you’re not a day over thirty I thought.” She grinned, wiping at her cheeks again.

“There’s my kid,” Sirius said brightly, ruffling her curls. “You’re right.”

“I hope I only have like 7 grey hairs at 50 like you. Dad was basically grey at 40.”

“Mm, but your Dad has beautiful hair. And you’ll rock it whatever colour hair you have piccolina.”

“Yeah.” She hugged them again. “Thank you Pada.”

“You are so welcome.” Sirius hugged her back. “Now, that was far too much of an in depth conversation for no coffee. I’m going to put a pot on, do you want to come downstairs?”

“Yeah, please.”

Sirius kissed her forehead and climbed off the bed, not enjoying the way they were starting to get a little stiff in the mornings. “Come on then, we’ve still got hours before your Dad surfaces.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another busy day! Another update in a couple hours!

Remus was standing in front of the mirror shaving, just taking his time getting himself together. They had to be at the doctor’s for all their test results. Teddy was horribly nervous about it all, and Remus could tell she was struggling the most with it over the last week. He hoped that she was just worrying over nothing, but he wasn’t sure what she had got up to exactly when she had been in London.

Sirius appeared in the bathroom door, sipping their coffee. They had been up and together for hours and always looked so bright-eyed in the morning. It sounded like they choked on their coffee though. “Oh Christ, hi.”

He paused, looking in the mirror at them then snickered at the astonished look on their face. “Yes? Hi.”

“You should be fucking illegal,” they said, leaning against the doorjamb. “Fuck me, you are so gorgeous, how is this possible?”

Bringing the razor up to his jaw Remus carefully dragged it across his skin. “Glad to know I can still get you in just a towel,” he said after rinsing the razor off.

Sirius chuckled, taking another sip of their coffee. “In a towel, fresh out the shower, shaving. Jesus.”

“Happy to help you get your kicks where you can.” He went to wipe his face.

“Oh yes, fifty is terribly boring. Not that you’d know.”

“No, I’m so young, only 49.” Remus snorted a laugh, looking back in the mirror at them.

“So terribly young and carefree and fucking gorgeous.” Sirius put a hand to their forehead, looking melancholy.

“I’m not sure I’ve ever been carefree, princess.” He turned around to look at them properly, leaning against the counter.

“I suppose not, besides a handful of moments.” Sirius peeled away from the doorjamb, hips first then shoulders, and padded over to him. “Hi Daddy.”

“Hi, is the door closed to the room?” Remus asked, settling his hands on their hips. They’d been keeping their door open in case Teddy needed them the last week.

“Yeah, I shut it on my way in incase you were getting dressed. Teddy is outside with Bucky just now.”

Remus nodded. “That’s good. She’s so nervous, hopefully taking some time with Bucky will help.”

“Yeah, Bucky always makes her feel better, huh?”

“Yeah.” His thumb slid under their shirt. “How are you doing today?”

“I’m okay. Sort of weirdly nervous for my own results? I know we’re fine though.” Sirius leaned into him, their thumb rubbing over his clean-shaved jaw.

Remus nodded, thinking about how Sirius had been going on about always wearing condoms recently with Teddy and how Teddy said they had nothing to worry about. That wasn’t entirely true. “Oh, you  _ are _ worried. I think it’s a little funny when you tell her to always wear a condom unless you’re exclusive. It’s not the same but it’s a tiny bit funny.”

Sirius bit their lip, smiling mischievously. “Well, I am a bit of a hypocrite, aren’t I? But the club is usually good with that, right? It’s absolutely funny and I know it.”

“Yeah, it’s good and no one gets to come  _ in _ you, though sometimes there are mistakes. But I may have a list of people we’ve scened with so I can hunt them down if I ever have to.” Remus shrugged a shoulder like it was no big deal. He always negotiated and made sure to discuss any sort of STI status, but he knew that people could lie.

“You do?” Sirius’ smile went soft. “All in your little black book, hm? God, I love you.”

Remus laughed, nodding. “It’s just a list with no title in case Teddy ever finds them when I die and goes through my journals.”

Sirius snickered. “Oh shit, could you imagine? Teddy finds the list of all the people her Dad has let come on her Pada? Nope.”

He couldn’t help the loud burst of laughter. “Oh god, she’d be so scarred, the poor thing. Though she will wonder what the hell all the names are.”

“It will be a mystery that haunts her far, far in the future.”

“Maybe she’ll think it’s some sort of hit list or she’ll think people owe me money or something. Oh, remember we joked about you being in the mafia.”

“Yes! Oh, it’s our mafia hit list, of course.” Sirius chuckled, sliding their hand to the nape of his neck.

“Of course.” Remus kissed them softly. “The tests will come back fine, I’m actually not worried, so that should say something.” He was far more concerned about Teddy. They had used condoms when fucking other people, though Sirius never really saw that bit and the condoms always came off before they could come — not in Sirius’ mouth.

“If you aren’t worried, then I won’t be.” 

He smiled, his thumb rubbing over their side. “Good, let’s get ready, I don’t want to be late.”

Once they were out the door, Teddy was terribly quiet. In the doctor’s office they all piled into one exam room. Remus read a pamphlet —prime reading material for him lately — while Sirius sat with Teddy reassuring her. Poor thing was a mess. When Dr Oles said that she had chlamydia Remus saw relief and anxiety flash across her face. Thankfully it would clear up after a round of antibiotics, but he could understand her being upset about it.

After getting a clean bill of health, Remus and Sirius took Teddy to eat before a bit of shopping. Teddy seemed to be okay, but a little melancholy. Remus wished he could fix everything for her, but at least she was working on things to make sure things would get better. As Sirius was chattering away about Hannah and her ACL injury, Teddy was staring at Sirius’ hand.

“What are those?” She pointed with her fork.

Sirius frowned for a moment, then looked down at their hand to the four rings Remus had given them for their birthday. “Oh, Dad gave them to me for my birthday,” they said, slipping them off and holding them out to Teddy and placing them in her palm.

Teddy studied them for a moment, picking up each one to read the engraving. Remus wondered what she was thinking. “I love them.”

“I was hoping you’d like them because god knows my fashion sense is horrid.” Remus let out a breath, happy that Teddy actually liked them.

“Mm, my best garbage,” Sirius hummed, leaning in to kiss his cheek and squeeze their hand on his knee.

“I’m glad that you managed to find something good, Dad.” Teddy’s face fell a little before she looked down at her plate.

Sirius pouted, leaning forward a little. “What’s the matter, piccolina?”

“Is it the name in the ring? I didn’t know what to put. We can buy one that says piccolina and Pada can change it out,” Remus rushed out because he had been worried about what to get for the engraving. There didn’t seem to be a gender neutral ending from when he could find online.

“No, no, that’s not it at all.”

Remus reached for Sirius’ hand under the table, needing some grounding in the moment. They squeezed his hand back, thumb rubbing circles. “Remember, talking is better than not. We’re listening.” He was sure that was out of the many things that he read in order to help Teddy along. He wanted to make sure that everything was right, and he hoped that Teddy saw that they were trying.

“I know, it’s just that I feel bad for ruining your birthday.” Teddy sighed. “You love your birthday and you said you two didn’t do anything for it but dinner.”

Taking a deep breath to gather his thoughts, Remus waited for Sirius' answer. He didn’t want to jump in on it because it was Sirius’ birthday. They looked at him before looking back to Teddy.

“Yeah, it was a terrible birthday. I spent most of the day upset over the fact that you weren’t around and we weren’t even speaking. Dad and I didn’t even go to dinner, we stayed in and wore our nice clothes and ate take out in a blanket fort.” Sirius squeezed his hand again. “Not my ideal birthday, but I’m more than happy you’re back now.”

Teddy nodded, looking so like Sirius when she bit her lip. Remus gave her a soft smile.

“Yeah, I’m still sorry.”

“I still forgive you, darling.”

Remus squeezed Sirius’ hand knowing how hard their birthday was this year, but also knowing that Teddy being back and safe was the most important thing. “Though Pada has a stunning dress they haven’t had a chance to wear anywhere but the living room.” He let out an Austen-worthy sigh.

Sirius chuckled, lacing their fingers and bringing his hand up to drop a quick kiss on his knuckles. “That is true, it is a beautiful dress.” They stood up, slipping out of the booth. “Just going to the bathroom, order me a coffee if you decide to get dessert, caro?”

“‘Course my love.” Remus watched them walk away for a moment before turning back to Teddy. “All right, annwyl?”

Teddy sighed, still picking at her meal. “I’m just sad I missed Pada’s birthday.”

Remus frowned, leaning on the table. “Yeah? I’m sorry you’re sad about it, but I can tell you that they’re so happy you’re home.”

“Yeah…” Teddy nodded, biting her lip. “I know, but I still… it’s a big birthday, you know? And I messed it up by not being there.”

As much as Remus wanted to tell Teddy to stop worrying about it, he knew that it wasn’t helpful at all. She was going to continue feeling bad about it and Remus didn’t want to brush aside any of her feelings. “Yeah, it was a big birthday, and it was a different birthday than we usually had but we still celebrated. Pada thinks you’re the best gift on the face of the planet, you know? They’re so glad that you’re here.”

Teddy gave him a soft smile. “Would be a better gift if I didn’t go off the rails and get an STI and make you both worry about me.”

Remus frowned, shifting out of the booth to go sit next to Teddy. He just wanted to be close to her lately, as if he needed a constant reminder she was there. “Oh come on, Teddy.” He put his arm around her. “We all make fuck ups, right? God, I made my own and tried to break up with Pada before. I’ve gotten drunk because I couldn’t explain my feelings correctly too. We all do dumb things.”

“Trying to break up with Pada would be very dumb,” she mumbled, leaning into him and pressing her face to his shoulder as she sniffled.

“Yeah, I know really dumb.” His heart hurt again, rubbing Teddy’s arm to try to soothe her. “But the second part, the getting drunk instead of talking about my feelings -- people do that. It’s not healthy but it happens and you just… you did it a little differently.”

Teddy gave a little chuckle. “Yeah, I did… just wanted to find myself at first, and then it… it wasn’t about that, it was just about not having to think… god, I was so stupid.” Teddy rubbed her hand over her eyes.

“Like I said, I shouldn’t say it was stupid but, yeah, it was stupid. You took a fairly normal unhealthy coping reaction and ratched it up to 100, which seems like a very Lupin-Black thing to do.” Remus gave them a squeeze, wishing he could make everything better in a blink.

“Well, I have you and Pada for parents. Turning things up to 100 and being dramatic seems inevitable.”

Remus pretended to be shocked but he just laughed. “Hey, at least we’re not as bad as Auntie Marly, huh?”

Teddy’s eyes widened. “Yeah, we're not Auntie Marly.”

“No, thank god. Could you imagine if we asked her to help us have you instead?” Remus nudged her, happy she seemed to be in a little bit of a better move.

“Auntie Marly,  _ pregnant _ .” Teddy grimaced. “No thank you.”

“She’d be crazy, Aunt Dora was great pregnant, but Auntie Marly would have been a terror. I’m so glad that Pada didn’t suggest her.” He snorted a laugh, reaching for the dessert menu. “Trying to make sure she got some rest would have been impossible. She’s worse than Pada about resting.”

Teddy nodded, taking a sip of her water. “Yeah, they both work a lot… I’m glad you picked Aunt Dora to help you. I have some of Pada’s genes too… even if they are bad people.”

Remus groaned, turning the menu over. “Not all of them are bad. Look at how great Auntie Andi is and Uncle Reggie and Uncle Al -- not to mention Pada, they’re  _ all right _ .”

“Ha! I’m going to tell them you said they were  _ all right _ !”

“Oh, they’ll give me so much shit.” Remus kissed her on the forehead. “You know how amazing you are and if I have to remind you and Pada until the end of time I will.”

Teddy hugged him tightly. “Thank you Dad. What’s the dessert menu look like?”

“All good things. Limoncello cake -- I know Pada wanted coffee, but I know they’ll like that so they can have both. I’m thinking tiramisu.” He smiled, pushing the menu to her.

“Ooh… profiteroles!” She grinned.

“Mmm, those look good too. Let’s get them all.” Remus gave her a squeeze.

“ _ That’s _ a very Lupin-Black thing.”

Sirius appeared back at the table, smiling at them both. “What’s a Lupin-Black thing?”

“Getting all the desserts that we please.” Teddy was grinning again, making Sirius relax.

“You’re getting the limoncello cake, my love.” Remus didn’t move from where he was with Teddy, not wanting to be far from her at the moment.

“Oooh,” Sirius hummed, sitting opposite them and smiling fondly. “That sounds very Lupin-Black and very tasty.”

Remus gave Teddy a squeeze. It was going to be okay, they just had to keep going.


	29. Chapter 29

Sirius leaned against the counter of the pharmacy, waiting for Teddy’s prescription whilst Remus and Teddy were off to get ice cream. Sirius could tell at the restaurant that Remus and Teddy were in deep conversation. They’d paused out the bathrooms and seen how the two of them were huddled together like two peas in a pod and decided to kill some time and answer some emails to give them space.

Teddy seemed a lot happier by the end of the meal, or at least a little happier, and Sirius was glad to see it. Hopefully this evening would help. The STI results weren’t the best, and Sirius was upset for Teddy, but thankful she didn’t have anything that was more difficult to treat. Sirius was a tiny bit concerned their slightly absurd come kink would land them in hot water, but thankfully their results came back clean too, and Remus wouldn’t need to consult his little black book.

With a thanks to the pharmacist and Teddy’s antibiotics in hand, Sirius set off towards the freezer section in search of their husband and daughter. God, Sirius was so glad she was back. Seeing her and Remus sitting together in the booth at lunch was the most wonderful thing, both of them smiling in the same way and discussing what dessert to have.

Quick enough, Sirius found Remus and Teddy, recognising both of the lanky wonderful creatures instantly. “Hi piccolina, I have your antibi— _ Oh _ . Jordan. And a boy,” they said, not bothering to hide the displeasure in their voice as they dropped their hand to their side.

Jordan was a deep red like he was caught in something. “Ah, this is Dill, you remember him Teddy?”

Teddy looked horrified. “So, you’re back.”

Sirius put their hand on Teddy’s shoulder, trying not to just outright glare at this kid but boy they wanted to. “You posted a lot of nice pictures on Instagram.”

“Um, yeah… I -- are you ill?” His voice shook.  _ Good _ , Sirius thought.

Remus’ hand came to rest below Sirius’. “Yes, she’s got a nasty sinus infection. Time to get her home. Hope Bev is well, Jordan. Nice to meet you Dill.” Sirius had no clue how he sounded so kind.

Sirius rubbed a hand on Teddy’s shoulder, following her down the aisle towards the ice creams. It seemed as if Remus was trying to carry on as if they didn’t just see the boy that had broke their child’s heart because he went right to gathering the ice cream.

“I can’t believe he’s dating him.” Teddy turned to look at Sirius with wide, sad eyes.

“What?” Remus turned around, his arms full of ice creams.

“I know, the bastard,” Sirius said, putting their arm around Teddy's shoulders and squeezing. “He hurt my baby now he’s out with this idiot with a lip ring.”

“What?” After settling on the ice cream, Remus grabbed Sirius’ hand.

“Are you blind, Remus? Shall we get you better glasses that have a prescription for distance as well?” Sirius was aware that in any other situation sass like that would get them tickled, but they hated the fact that Jordan was out there pretending everything was fine when he’d broken Teddy’s heart.

“No, I saw them but it doesn’t mean they’re dating.” He looked at Sirius out of the corner of his eye, maybe with a little glint of  _ Daddy _ . Sirius gave him a small smile in return, half to placate him, but also they were too damn annoyed.

Teddy led the way to the self-checkout. “Bet they are. He probably doesn’t have chlamydia either.”

The noise Remus made couldn’t really be described or categorized. It was either slightly embarrassed or upset for Teddy. “Teddy, that has nothing to do with you being a good or bad person.”

Sirius shook their head, retrieving a box of condoms from their pocket that they had snagged whilst waiting for Teddy’s medication. “Exactly, you made a mistake.”

It was now Teddy’s turn to make a similar sound. “Where are those from?”

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. “I had them in my pocket. I knew you’d be embarrassed, piccolina.”

“Oh god, I’m glad you remembered them and didn’t try to steal them.” Remus went to put them in their bag. At least he wasn’t upset about that.

“Why?” Teddy’s hand went over her eyes.

“So you don’t make another mistake.” Sirius shrugged. “If you thought I was all about condoms before, wait til you start seeing anyone. I’m going to fill you room with condoms,” they continued, barely noticing Remus’ hand on their shoulder steering them to the exit. They weren’t even slightly embarrassed by this; Sirius had worked hard for years to unravel the awful attitude to sex they had been around when they were younger, and now they wouldn’t tolerate any kind of shame.

“I know it’s a hassle and boring and such but it’s important. You don’t have to ruin the mood.” Yet again Sirius felt a little hypocritical, but this was about keeping Teddy safe. “You could totally put it on in a sexy way, right, caro?”

“Please leave me out of this.” Remus cast them another look.

Teddy’s eyes went up to the sky as if looking for some help. “Oh my god, Pada. Please stop.”

Sirius bit back a smile. “It sucks that it’s not as good sensation wise, and that it can take you out if the moment, but there are sexy ways to put on condoms,” they rambled off, waving one hand. “Your Dad is just being obtuse. It’s been a while since I’ve had to do anything with them, but there’s plenty.”

They pulled their phone from their pocket, gesturing to Teddy with it. “I found an article:  _ Twenty Five Sexy Ways to Put on Condoms.  _ I’ll send it to you.”

“Pada, an article? Really?” She practically screamed.

Sirius leaned their hip against the car door as they arrived at it. “It wouldn’t be the first time, would it?” 

“I’m never having sex again,” Teddy declared as she poured herself into her seat.

Remus snorted a laugh after Sirius shut the door and he started the car. “If you don’t ever want to have sex, that’s fine, but just because you got an STI, you shouldn’t swear it off.”

“Yeah…”

After they went back home, they settled in to watch a dance movie. Sirius, like always, tried to get Remus to dance the finale duet with them. 

“Caro, you just have to lift me up then set me down, basically feel me up, then do two steps up and two steps back with me before feeling me up again.” Sirius smiled at Remus, their best innocent smirk, with their hands on his shoulders.

Meanwhile, Teddy was doubled over in laughter with happy tears streaming down her face. Remus looked only slightly annoyed as Sirius counted them off. His lanky awkwardness caused him to step on Sirius’ feet twice and he nearly hit them in the mouth when he tried to feel them up.

Sirius threw their head back to laugh, shaking their head. “You can’t even feel me up properly!”

“Stop saying feel me up!” Teddy was breathless, shrieking as Remus snorted and rolled his eyes.

“My pearl, you do this every time and get frustrated with me everytime.”

“Yes and practice makes perfect.” Sirius leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips. “So, on the count of four…”

Abruptly, Teddy got to her feet, flailing about. “I can’t deal with this any more. I’m going to my room before suffocating from laughter.” She was still breathing heavily.

Sirius smiled, stepping back from Remus to hug Teddy. “It’s good to see you laughing so much.”

“Hard not to when watching Dad.” She hugged them tight.

“Oi!” Remus scoffed. “Really though it’s nice to hear you laugh.”

Teddy pulled back only to throw her arms around Remus. “Even at your expense?”

“Of course. Get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow that group meeting isn’t until the afternoon, so no rushing around.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her curls before Teddy pulled away.

Teddy said goodnight once more before going off to her room, Bucky trailing right after her. Sirius watched them both go before looking back to Remus, smiling. “Hi caro.”

“Hi, my love.” Remus smiled, pulling them close again. “I hope she likes that support group tomorrow.”

“I think she will.” Sirius wrapped their arms around his shoulders, dancing to the music even if Remus’ part was horrifically lacking.

Remus swayed a little, his arms slipping to their waist. “How are you doing?”

“I’m alright.” Sirius shrugged, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “I’m glad she’s back.”

“Me too. It’s been a week and I’m still nervous that I’m dreaming.” He sighed at the kiss.

Sirius kissed the lightest path down his jaw. “Me too. But she’s here and I’m hoping she’s happy to stay.”

“Me too.” Remus rubbed his hands up their side. “I thought you were going to murder Jordan today.”

“I thought I might too. With a boy. With a lip ring. After breaking my baby’s heart.” Sirius pursed their lips.

“Princess, he can have friends.” He gave them a look. “And that sass you gave me.”

“That wasn’t friends, caro. You are so oblivious.” Sirius kissed down to beneath his ear. “Your glasses might need checking Daddy.”

“ _ Brat _ ,” he whispered, his hands clenching on their hips. “I also don’t think they were more than friendly.”

Sirius snickered, kissing his favourite spot. “Whatever you say Daddy.”

They could tell he was trying not to melt, his hands gripping tighter. “I don’t think that you believe me.”

“I don’t think I do Daddy. I think there’s something, but I know I’m biased for my baby.”

“And I’m not?” He laughed, pulling them a little closer.

“Mmm you very much are.” Sirius kissed beneath his ear again before nipping at his earlobe. “I love you Daddy.”

“I love you too, princess. Are you trying to make up for your sass?”

“ _ Maybe. _ ”

“Mmmhmm, that’s a yes.” He pulled back a little, raising an eyebrow.

Sirius bit their lip, giving him the most innocent look. “Don’t you want me to be nice, Daddy?”

“Well, you should make up for being a brat,  _ I guess _ . Unless if tickling you sounds better.”

“I think you’d much rather me be nice,” Sirius purred, leaning in to kiss his ear again.

“I do like tickling you too.” His hands slid under their shirt.

Sirius squirmed, making a breathy little noise against his temple. “Ah, Daddy.”

“What is it, princess?” His fingers lightly grazed over their skin.

“I’ll scream,” they warned, wriggling against him, pressing closer. “Please don’t tickle me Daddy, pretty please.”

“Mmm, okay…”

“Can I be good for you, so you don’t tickle me?”

“Maybe… let’s go upstairs.” Remus kissed them on the cheek, lingering for a moment. They turned their head and kissed the corner of his mouth.

“Yes Daddy.”

“Come on then, princess.” He pulled away, taking their hands. They let him lead them upstairs, squeezing his hands in theirs. “Oh, wait, we need to clean up.” Remus paused halfway to the stairs, a smirk on his face.

Sirius gasped, giving him a look they were sure was utter betrayal. “What if my being nice is a limited time offer?”

“Ha, I doubt that’s true.” Remus snickered, trying to walk back towards the living room.

“We can leave the kitchen for a little while.” They kept a grip on his hands. “Can’t we?”

Remus hummed, tapping his bottom lip. “You like things nice and clean, don’t you?”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “I thought I liked filthy things.”

“Oh, you do, but normally not in the kitchen.” He looked around.

“We definitely shouldn’t be filthy in the kitchen. But a few dishes can wait…”

Remus rolled his eyes, dragging them towards the stairs. “Just don’t get grumpy with me in the morning, okay?”

Sirius smiled. “I won’t. How about, by the time you wake up, I bet I’ll have the kitchen spotless.”

“If you don’t then while Teddy’s at group, I’ll be tickling you.” Remus kept his voice down as they climbed the stairs.

“Oh?” Sirius’ eyes widened, but they felt the warm curl of desire in their stomach at the threat of it. “I’ll have it all cleaned up,  _ and  _ coffee for you.”

“Yeah? If you do then maybe I’ll give you something nice in return tomorrow.”

Sirius paused in the bedroom doorway. “What do I get if I bring you coffee in bed?”

He pushed their shoulder so they stumbled back into the bedroom. They made a little noise of surprise, but weren’t anywhere close to losing their balance. Instead they stood at the foot of the bed in perfect posture, watching him. “Well,” he started as he closed the door behind him. “Maybe I’ll go down on you or we could do something really nice. Suspension? Haven’t done that in a bit.”

“Coffee in bed it is, then Daddy,” Sirius said softly, their gaze flickering over him. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Okay, baby.” Remus sat on the edge of the bed. “Until then you still have to make up for being bratty in the store.”

Sirius bit their lip, turning to face him before sinking to their knees. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“Thank you princess.” He smirked.

“Shall I put my pretty mouth to better use than sass?” Sirius inched forward a little, hands hovering over his knees because they knew they hadn’t been given permission.

“Yes princess, that’s probably a good idea.” Remus brushed a hand through their hair. Sirius leaned into his touch, like they always did.


	30. Chapter 30

They hadn’t really had a minute to themselves for a week now, and that was fine with Remus, but when Sirius started to kiss at that spot behind his ear, Remus was a complete mess in the best way possible. On their knees like this they were always so pretty.

“You can help me out of my sweats.” He smiled down at them.

Sirius bit their lip. “Thank you Daddy,” they murmured, smiling up at him through their lashes as they reached forward and pulled his sweats down.

Helping as much as he could -- wanted to -- he lifted his hips so they could get the sweats over his hips. Sirius pushed his sweats down, tugging them from beneath his feet before going back up and trailing their fingers over him through his briefs. Letting out a soft noise, Remus’ fingers went back to their hair.

“You’re being very good princess.”

“I said I’ll make it up to you Daddy, and I can be very nice to you,” Sirius murmured, circling their hand a little firmer.

He nodded, very aware that Teddy was back suddenly so he had to be quiet. “Yeah, you’re still very good.”

“Mm, thank you.” They hooked their fingers through the waistband of his underwear before tugging them down and making a low noise of approval. Remus brushed a hand through their hair again, smiling down at them. Sirius took a moment to wrap their hand around the base of his cock, stroking him very slowly and dropping a kiss to the tip.

His stomach clenched at the feeling, his fingers tightened in their hair but he didn’t want to push them down today. Their tongue swirled over his cock, watching him carefully as they slowly took him into their mouth.  _ Christ _ , they were so perfect and knew exactly what drove Remus crazy. “Ah, fuck.”

“Mmmhm.” Sirius hummed, blinking up at him as they bobbed their head.

He really wanted to just fall back and melt into the bed, but he didn’t want to stop watching them -- the way that their eyes fluttered closed and their lips glistened. Remus could get off just looking at them some nights. After a particularly deep bob of their head, Sirius pulled back, licking their lips in an almost obscene way.

“Mmm, you taste so good.”

He sucked a sharp breath in, nodding. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” They swirled their tongue, groaning like Remus was their favourite treat. “So good. I wish I could just live on your come.”

“Fuck, I know princess.” He bit back a moan. Sirius gave him a toe curling smirk before swallowing him down to the root. Remus could feel their throat around him. “Fuck,  _ oh fuck _ .” He put his free hand over his mouth so he didn’t actually scream. Sirius looked so damn smug, swirling their tongue over his sensitive underside.

Yeah, he wasn’t going to last very long because they were doing just everything right. Their hot mouth around them and their tongue doing some lovely things was making him dizzy. One hand went to his hip, the other giving him a stroke before their fingers slid down over his balls. “Oh god, princess,” he said against his hand, his hips bucking up.

Sirius almost gagged, their eyes fluttering as they swirled their tongue and circled their fingers over that sensitive spot behind his balls. That did it, Remus’ world exploded in light as he came, seeing stars behind his eyelids. He was dead in the best way possible. Sirius groaned softly, doing everything they could to coax him through his orgasm.

Remus melted into the bed, panting as he finally dropped his hand from his mouth. Sirius took their time pulling back, tonguing over the top of his cock to make sure they didn’t miss a thing. With each move of their tongue Remus felt his stomach clench as he opened his eyes to look up at the ceiling.

“Come ‘ere.”

They didn’t waste any time, crawling up over him with their lips glistening. They smiled, sprawling over him. “Hi Daddy.”

“Hi princess.” He pulled them close, arms going around them. “You’re so perfect. How can I be good for you.”

“Did I make it up to you?” Sirius shifted, cuddling into him. “I’m not sure. What do you want to do, Daddy?”

“Mmm, you made it up for being bratty, yeah.” Remus pressed a little kiss to their temple. “I can do something with my hands or my mouth.”

They let out a groan. “I love your hands and your mouth.”

“I know you do.” His hand slid down their back.

Sirius arched a little. “Can I have your mouth on me, Daddy?”

“Mmm, if you want to move, yeah.” He smirked up at them, not wanting to move from where he was.

They smirked right back, biting their lip. “Maybe I can kneel over you for a change…”

“Yeah?” He smiled at them. “I think that sounds good, as long as you’re a good listener.”

“I can be really good. Do you wanna hold onto my wrists so I don’t get to squirm?” Sirius looked just a little surprised.

“Yeah, that’s perfect, princess.” Remus’ lips trailed over their jaw.

“My mouth must’ve been very good for you to let me do this,” they said, wriggling up so they were kneeling next to him. “But I don’t want Daddy to have to move at all, I just want you to lie there and be spoiled.”

“Very very good.” Remus sighed, looking up at them.

Sirius smiled, moving so they were straddling his shoulders. “You’re so good to me Daddy.”

It was a little weird for them to be above him like this, but that was fine. He reached for their wrists. “I love giving my princess what they deserve.”

“I promise I’ll be so good, Daddy.” They didn’t resist him at all, letting him hold them tight. 

Remus hummed, squeezing their wrist before leaning up a little. “Perfect.”

“Yeah? I wish I could see you Daddy, but you feel so good, I can feel you.”

Letting out a pleased noise his tongue slid over their balls. “I’ve the greatest view.”

Sirius shivered, letting out a low moan. “Fuck.”

“Remember, we’ve got to be quiet.” He was sure that Teddy had her headphones in as usual, but he didn’t want to risk it.

“Ahh, okay,” Sirius whispered. “I’ll stay quiet.”

Remus’ tongue slid up against their entrance, pressing his tongue against them. Sirius shuddered, managing to stay quiet. Their hips twitched as if they were trying not to buck their hips. He rolled his tongue a little against them, dropping one wrist to grab their thigh. Sirius’ breath hitched, hips rolling against his mouth in response.

Pulling back a little, Remus pressed tiny kisses to the spot behind their balls. “You can touch yourself when you want.” Remus' tongue laved over the spot he had kissed.

“Ahh, thank you Daddy.” Sirius moaned softly, bucking as if they had just wrapped a hand around themselves.

“Very welcome, princess,” he said breathlessly before his tongue swirled against their entrance again, his hand gripping at their thigh tighter so he would leave marks.

Sirius tensed, hips rocking against his mouth. “Ah, god, god your mouth is good,” they whispered.

The point of his tongue pressed into them as he groaned in response. Sirius shuddered, one hand going to the top of the headboard. 

“Fuck, fuck, can I come Daddy? Please, please?”

“Mmmhmm.” He nodded a little, his tongue prodding a little deeper.

Sirius let out a whine, shuddering and bucking their hips as they came. Remus didn’t stop wiggling his tongue in them then against them until he could feel them relax. After a long few moments, Sirius slumped, breathing hard. “Fuck.”

“Yeah?” Remus chuckled, dropping both hands to their thighs and giving them a little squeeze.

“Can I—fuck, can I lick my hand?”

“Yes, princess, you can.” He pressed a kiss to their thigh.

Sirius shifted off of him, and when he glanced up they had their first two fingers in their mouth, cheeks flushed. His stomach did a little flip as he melted more into the bed. 

“You’re so stunning. I can’t deal with it sometimes.”

Sirius smiled. “Mmm?” They let their hand drop. “There’s some on the h—headboard, can I clean up and be good?”

“Yes, princess.” He nodded, rolling onto his side so he could watch them. Sirius dropped down on their elbows, leaning in and licking the come slowly sliding down the headboard. “Do you want me to get you water?”

“Yes please?” Sirius gave another lick before flopping back on the bed.

“Okay.” He kissed them on the lips, lingering for a moment before rolling out of bed. “You were so good, you know?”

“Yeah? I was well behaved?” Sirius smiled at him, sprawled on the bed looking beautiful.

“So well behaved.” He smiled at them before slipping into the bathroom. As quick as he could he filled up a cup of water before going back to Sirius in bed. They were in the same position he left them in, smiling muzzily at him. “Here, my princess.” He held out the glass to them as he got back into bed.

“Thank you Daddy,” they murmured, sitting up and taking a sip.

Remus reached over to take their hair out of the messy bun it was in. “All right?”

They leaned into him, smiling softly. “Mm, good. Floaty. How are you?”

“Floaty, hmm?” Remus pressed a kiss to their shoulder. “I’m very good. You made up for all that sass earlier.”

“Yeah? Good.”

“Fantastic, amazing, and… mmm, whatever else my brain can’t supply right now.” He shuffled back so he could get under the blankets.

“I like those words.” Sirius curled up next to him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

“I know you do because you’re all those words and more.” Remus rolled over, wrapping his arms around them again.

“Mmmhm you’re so nice to me.”

“Well, you deserve it… even when you’ve been a bit bratty.” He laughed against their shoulder.

Remus felt Sirius grin against his cheek before kissing his temple. “You like me being a bit bratty.”

“Especially when you make up for it.” He chuckled, pressing a few kisses to their cheek.

“I always do, don‘t I?”

“Always, princess.” Remus pulled back a little so he could look at them with a soft smile.

“You’re amazing, you know.” Sirius looked equally soft, hair all mussed against the pillow.

Brushing his fingers through their hair, Remus tilted his head as he felt suddenly soft and warm. “You’re the amazing one.”

“Mmm thank you. Shall we sleep? Or shall we snuggle up and watch something?”

Remus twirled a finger around a lock of hair. “I’m happy to just snuggle for a bit. I don’t want to move to get my laptop.”

“I wish we had the Force, huh?” Sirius chuckled. “My phone?”

Remus shifted a little, his lips pressing a few kisses to their forehead. “In a minute.”

“Mm, or we could just cuddle up.” Sirius trailed their fingers through his hair. “You’re so handsome.”

“Yeah, we do love a cuddle.” He smiled at them. “You’re so gorgeous.”

“I love all your freckles,” Sirius’ hand trailed down to tap over the freckles across the bridge of his nose.

“Yeah?” Remus chuckled, resting his chin on their chest. “You don’t have freckles, only like two on your arm.”

“Two freckles, and one on the sole of my foot, I think,” they murmured, kissing the tip of his nose. “And three tattoos and a little scar.”

“Mmm, I love all of those. How could I forget the foot freckle?” Remus loved them so much, he could hardly stand it at moments like these.

“I forget it, it’s on the bottom of my foot.” Sirius snickered. “I love all your freckles and your two tattoos and you’re gorgeous.”

“I’m so lucky to have you and all your gorgeousness around me forever.”

“I’m glad Teddy is back and we’re happy.”

“Me too, my love.” He brushed their hair back again. “I’m happiest when you’re happy.”


	31. Chapter 31

Sirius was getting ready for a charity event, sitting on the bed in their underwear and thigh highs as they threw on a bit of makeup. They were going to an event with one of Lily’s charities today, and Remus had been very insistent they wear their gorgeous new dress that they wore on their birthday.  _ Something _ felt fishy about it all, but they didn’t know how or why.

“I think Lily wouldn’t be happy if you showed up like that, but you’re gorgeous.” Remus came out of the bathroom in his trousers, unbutton and sans shirt.

“Mm, I don’t think Lily would be happy if you showed up like that, but I suddenly want to hide all your clothes.” Sirius smirked at him, eagerly drinking in the sight of him, fuck he was gorgeous.

“She’d certainly be upset.” Remus leaned against the dresser, returning their smirk.

Sirius’ stomach flipped. “I’d be too busy on my knees worshipping you to notice.”

“We need to finish getting ready, they’re going to be here soon.” Remus checked his watch. “Sadly.”

They pouted, slipping off the bed and grabbing their dress from where it was hanging on the outside of the closet. “Truly saddening.”

“Very.” They felt his body heat against their back, his own arm reaching in to get the rest of his tuxedo.

“Mmm, hi Daddy,” Sirius hummed, leaning against him for a moment before they bent down and stepped into their dress.

“Hi princess.” He pressed a soft kiss to their cheek before stepping back.

Sirius smiled at him, pulling up their dress and settling the straps on their shoulders. “Can you do the zip please Daddy?”

“Mmmhmm.” His hands were soon on their hips, giving them a little squeeze. “I’m glad you get to wear this out.”

“Me too. How does it look?”

One hand left their hips then the zipper went up slowly. “Perfect, so bloody perfect.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.” Remus pressed a kiss to their shoulder. “Will you help me tie this stupid tie?”

Of course.” Sirius turned, chuckling when they saw the poor attempt at a bowtie Remus had attempted. “Oh… bowties aren’t your strong point, huh?”

“No, don’t tease.” He snickered, tilting his chin up a little.

“You’re adorable. All the wonderful things you do with your hands, but luckily, I’m a dab hand at bowties.” Sirius kissed the corner of his mouth as they undid the bowtie, then regrettably had to look down and concentrate for the tie.

“Very lucky. My fingers apparently don’t like doing these little things?”

Sirius snickered, concentrating still. “Just in case you didn’t know how horny I am today, my first response to that phrase was going to be some joke about thank god I’ve got a big cock.”

“Ha! Thank god.”

“Mmm, good.” Sirius stepped back, tilting their head from side to side. “Perfect.”

“Yeah? Like you.” He dropped a kiss on their lips as Remus’ phone vibrated.

“This dinner is going to be torture with you looking like that and praising me all the time.” Sirius chuckled. “Is that our ride?”

Remus peered over at his phone. “It sure is -- on both accounts.”

“Shall we?” Sirius fixed the strap of their shoe then straightened up, starting for the door.

“We shall.” He held his arm out for Sirius. “This is a very fancy night.”

“Very, very fancy. But I’m not complaining.” 

Sirius led the way to the Uber after Remus locked up, having fun with the way the beads of the dress moved when they walked. They were greeted by James and Lily, who were both decked out in similar dress as well. The whole way they chatted about all the things that they always did when they were together. 

They were in the city when Sirius realised they weren’t going to the charity dinner, but somewhere else. They frowned over at Remus, wondering if there were city diversions they didn’t know about.

“Where are we heading Lils?” Remus furrowed his brow, looking surprisingly confused as well.

Lily smiled. “Oh, did I not say? The dinner got moved to that gorgeous townhouse across the city. It’s alright--sorry, I thought I’d said.”

James hummed and looked out the window.

“Oh, okay. That place is gorgeous.” Remus nodded, his hand on Sirius’ knee.

“Right? I’m so excited to host there.”

James somehow looked more awkward as the car took a turn down the main street in the older section of town.

Sirius furrowed their brow, ducking to look out the window down the street. They were coming up to the old theatre that was recently done up, only, all the lights were on--the dinner wasn’t  _ there _ , was it?

“Does that say…” Remus trailed off pointing to the marquee.

Sirius frowned for a moment before they read the title:  _ Happy ‘30th’ Birthday Pada! _ Sirius gasped and sat forward. “Which one of you did that?”

“Oh my god.”

James made a giddy little noise.

“James, brother of mine. What did you do?” 

Lily was about to say something, just before the car stopped right outside the theater doors. “Ah, we’re here!” She said before practically diving out of the car door. James was right behind her, scrabbling out before Sirius could grab a hold of them.

“What the…”

“Oi! You…” Sirius trailed off as they climbed out of the car after them, and saw all of their friends and family gathered there, and their child front and center. They straightened up and stepped aside for Remus to follow. “CARO! I KNOW YOU DID IT! DID YOU? YOU MUST’VE? IS THIS THE THEATER? WHAT? IT’S AMAZING!” Sirius jabbed him in the arm.”REMUS!”

Remus shook his head. “I didn’t know! I had no clue! I didn’t…”

Teddy was bouncing on her heels watching them. God, they were so proud of her all of a sudden, even more so than usual. They gasped and ran over to her, feeling the tears in their eyes. “OH MY GOD YOU ALL LOOK STUNNING! TEDDY!” They stopped in front of Teddy, who was smiling herself. “YOU DID IT? DIDN’T YOU? YOU SNEAKY LITTLE THING!”

Sirius wrapped their arms around her, squeezing her tight and feeling so proud and overwhelmed they didn’t know what to do. “Thank you, piccolina. This is amazing.”

“She sniffled, hugging back. “Happy belated birthday.”

“I can’t believe it,” Sirius said softly, pulling back to look at her. There were tears in her eyes too. God, she must’ve felt so bad about missing their birthday this year, and she was a Lupin-Black, so any excuse for a party. “Piccolina, this is the  _ best _ birthday.”

“There’s one more surprise, we have to go into the theater.” She took Sirius’ hand as Remus appeared out of no one it seemed.

“Annwyl, you’re so amazing.” Remus looked rather misty-eyed as well.

Letting out a soft laugh, she led the way for them. “It was fun. Gave me something to do.”

Sirius could barely keep up with everything, asking Teddy a hundred questions as they sat down in their front row seats. Next to them, Remus was beaming, holding tight to their hand as Teddy wiggled around looking a little nervous.

“I can’t believe this,” Remus said with a chuckle.

“Oh my god…” Sirius trailed off as the lights when down, then  _ Rebel, Rebel _ started playing, and images of themselves as a teenager appeared on the screen.

“There was once a person who grew up in a place dark and dreary, but they broke free and became the brightest, most stunning star,” Teddy’s voice came through the theater.

Sirius’ brow furrowed as they looked to Teddy and let out a sort of confused bleat.  _ What? _

The images soon transitioned to James, sitting in his garden and pushing up his glasses. “THAT’S ME!” James shouted.

“Potter,” they heard Dorcas mumble behind them.

“When I met Sirius I knew that we were going to be best mates because we both hated the same twat that gave them shit at the welcome dinner. We became roommates then -- then we were siblings,” the James on screen started to cry. Sirius chuckled, shaking their head as they wiped a tear from their own eye--of  _ course _ James was crying. “I’m so happy that we decided to pull a prank that first night and have been inseparable ever since. Now look at you married with a kid and living out your dreams. Love you, sib! Happy birthday!”

Sirius sniffled and turned to James, hitting him on the knee. “Love you, bro, you awful liar!”

James sniffled, wiping a tear in real life now as Marlene’s voice boomed in the room. “SIRIUS! OH MY GOD WE’RE SO OLD BUT THE BEST LOOKING OLD PEOPLE! YOU’RE THE BEST FRIEND AND BUSINESS PARTNER A GAL COULD ASK FOR! I HOPE YOU’RE HAVING THE BEST BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU! I CAN’T WAIT TO CELEBRATE!”

“MARLY!” Sirius sniffed again, their face hurting so much from grinning. “Oh my god,  _ Teddy! _ ”

Teddy squeezed their hand as some more photos flipped through, all of their friends and family through the years. Every single one of them came on to the screen to say the sweetest things.

There were only two people left soon enough, and they knew Remus was next because all the sappiest photos of the two of them were being displayed on the screen to the tune of  _ My One and Only Love _ . Then Remus was there sitting in their kitchen with his glasses on his head.

“How long? God, that’s not enough time!” Remus snorted and Teddy made a groaning sound off screen. “Okay. Ah, god, let’s see… Hi my pearl, I’m so -- god I don’t even know what to say aside from how much I love you. You’re the only person that I would have ever been able to make it through these last twenty plus years with. How I feel for you is completely indescribable, but I’m so in love with you -- even more than I was way back when. I’m so proud of how much you’ve grown these last twenty years, and I’m so happy that you were there through my own growing. I know that you really don’t want to be fifty, but you’re still as stunning as you were at 27. You certainly don’t look over thirty and I’m sure people think I’m some creepy old man with you. I love you so much, and I can’t wait to have another 20 plus years with you. Happy birthday, love.”

Sirius bit their lip around a sniffle, leaning their head against Remus’ shoulder. No matter how much he told them, they always felt wonderful when Remus said how much he loved them. Remus pressed a kiss to the top of their head, rubbing their leg as pictures of them with Teddy started to flicker by.

“Hi Pada,” Teddy said on screen after a very recent selfie from their last movie night. “I’m sure you’re sobbing right now because I surprised you. I want to thank you for being the best parent any child could ask for. There’s not a day that goes by recently that I haven’t been so happy to have you and Dad in my corner. I know turning fifty freaks you out, but you really don’t look a day over thirty -- even though I bet Dad is going to say that in his thing -- shit… should I edit that out? Nah. It’s true. Thanks for always being there to make me laugh or let me cry. Thank you for always being a phone call away. Thank you for all your support. I love you Pada, thank you.”

True to what video-Teddy said, Sirius was sobbing, a hand over their mouth as they looked up at the screen. Oh my god, they were crying so much. As the music came to an end with the image of a family photo in Italy, Sirius threw their arms around Teddy, hugging their daughter tight. “That was amazing! Your speech. Oh god. Do you have any makeup with you to touch up? Auntie Marly must if you don’t.” They sniffled and kissed her cheek. “You’re so amazing piccolina.”

Teddy let out a little laugh, hugging them back. Around them everyone was starting to get up.

“I’m going to watch that five million times over. I can’t believe that you did all this! I--” Sirius sniffled, hugging her tighter. “You are fucking amazing. You did all this and that movie? Oh my god, that movie was soooo perfect! I love you, I’m so fucking proud of you. I love you. You’re the best. I love you!”

“I’m so glad you loved it.”

Sirius sat back, wiping away the mascara around their eyes. “Fuck, I need a drink,” they said softly, shaking their head. It was all so overwhelming. Teddy had done so much.

Teddy readjusted the caplet over her shoulders. “There’s plenty at the bar and lots of food.”

“Come on then.” Remus’ arm went around their waist. “The cake looks good.”

Sirius smiled broadly. “Caro, you would say that. It all looks good…” They looked around, smiling as they shook their head. “I can’t believe you did all this!”

Teddy laughed as Remus led them back to the lobby. “I’m so glad that you liked this.”

“You’re so amazing with your photography and videography and your editing!” Sirius pulled Teddy in for a hug, before popping onto their toes and kissing her forehead. “I’m going to go drink some champagne and eat all the canapes.”

“Have fun.” Teddy smiled before Remus gave her a hug.

“Come on, love to the bar.”

Sirius smiled, leaning into Remus as he led the way. “This is amazing.”

“Your daughter is brilliant and beautiful.”

“ _ Your _ daughter is a complete and utter sap,” they retorted, smiling at him.

“She clearly got all the good genes from us.” He leaned on the bar.

Sirius paused for a moment to look at him, unable to resist, then leaned in themselves, their head against his upper arm. “She’s wonderful. I feel so lucky to have her--to have all of you.”

Remus smiled, handing them a glass of champagne. “And we’re lucky to have you.”

“Thank you. I love you caro.”

“Mmm, I love you.”


	32. Chapter 32

This had to be the best party that Remus had ever been at. They had also just watched the most amazing video that Teddy made for Sirius. The whole night was amazing, and now it was time to drink and eat all the delicious looking food. Sirius was leaning into him as they stood at the bar with their champagne.

“To you and to having another amazing year.”

Sirius smiled broadly. “To my  _ 30th _ birthday,” Sirius agreed, toasting before they took a sip.

“To your 30th birthday.” Remus chuckled before taking a drink.

“SIRIUS!” Marlene came flying over.

“MARLY!” They turned and caught her, laughing. “Good job keeping this one secret!”

“I didn’t know til tonight!” She hugged Sirius tight as Remus took another sip.

“I had no clue either.”

“Ah! The ol’ tell Marlene later! I presume James didn’t know until this afternoon?” Sirius chuckled, unable to keep the grin off their face by the looks of it.

“Yeah, he said he didn’t know until they were getting ready and the whole house knew! Even Hettie’s boyfriend!”

“Oh my god, this is so amazing.” Sirius was jittering, apparently on cloud nine.

Remus couldn’t stop smiling because they were so happy. “This is the best party. Teddy has out done us all.”

“She can plan all the parties from now on!” Sirius glanced out to the crowd, seeing James. “Potter!”

“Sib! Hey!” James barreled over, pushing Marlene out of the way. She nearly knocked Remus’ drink out of his hand. He bit back a joke about telling Dorcas I’m her because James would screech.

“Your speech, bro!” They threw their arms around him. “You sappy bastard.”

“You were sappier than me.” Remus nudged him as Marlene hopped off to Dorcas.

James laughed, shaking his head. “Oh ha ha, yes James is a crier. I’m just so fucking happy!”

“It was nice.”

“It was beautiful bro, thank you.” Sirius kissed his cheek and hugged him tight again.

Remus looked over his shoulder to see Teddy talking happily with Ro and her boyfriend. He was so thrilled that she seemed more stable. Sirius was chattering away to James and Lily, chastising the redhead for keeping the secret from them.

“How much did you do Lily?” Remus asked. “This is great.” He went to put an arm back around Sirius.

“We did some of it! Helped with a few things but Teddy did most of it! She’s a great kid.” Lily grinned. “So glad we managed to surprise you!”

That made him even more proud of her somehow. “She’s the best -- no offense to Hettie and Harry.”

Lily laughed, shaking her head. “None taken!”

“I’m offended.” James pretended to huff.

“Oh bro,” Sirius commiserated with James, chuckling.”C’mon lets go peer at the food.”

“Yes, please.” Remus took Sirius’ hand. “All the excitement has me starved.”

“ _ Everything _ has you starved, caro.” Sirius leaned their head on his shoulder. “Then we can dance?”

“I like good food.” He kissed them softly. “Yes, then dance.”

“Ugh, god you two.” Regulus snickered.

“Oh shush. We won’t say how you were all over Hes the last party we threw?” Sirius waved a hand at Regulus as they walked past.

Regulus blushed as Connor ran circles around him.

Remus laughed at his brother-in-law. “So sweet.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t know a thing about this caro.”

“I only knew about the video, obviously -- god not even that really because I didn’t know that it was going to be so elaborate and well done.”

“Right! She must’ve spent so long on it. She’s so thoughtful.”

Remus nodded, looking at the table with all the food. “She’s so talented too.”

Sirius was quiet for a moment, nodding to themselves before they looked back to him. “I think she’s going to be okay…”

“I do too.” Remus handed Sirius a plate, rubbing their back with his free hand. “Just took her a bit to get her feet under her.”

“Thank you caro,” they hummed, peering at the food. “This all looks so good.”

“I’m going to be so stuffed by the end of the night. I can’t wait to have some of that cake too.” He glanced over his shoulder at the cake that seemed to match Sirius’ dress.

“Right? I’m glad this dress is a bit looser because I feel like I’m going to be scooping you out of here later.” 

“Ha, no, I’ll have to be ready to go for my plans for later.” Remus started to pile on the food.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Mmmhmm.” Doing his best to not give anything away, he looked back down at the food.

“No fair,” Sirius murmured, bumping his hips with theirs before moving along the table.

“No?”

“Entirely cruel.” They were smiling to themselves. “So long as you take this dress off slowly.”

Remus very much wanted to untie the bow with his teeth, so yes slowly. “I can manage that. It’s such a pretty bow.”

Sirius flushed a little pinker under his gaze, smiling. Remus kissed them on the cheek before gesturing to the closest tall table near the dance floor. Sirius chuckled as they followed him, sliding into their seat when they got to the table. Before they could speak again, Alice and Frank came to stand at the table.

“Hi sweetie, happy belated birthday!” Alice hugged Sirius, kissing them on the cheek.

“Al! Hi love!” Sirius hugged her hard, then hugged Frank just as hard. “And you, giving Teddy all those wedding album pictures!”

Alice chuckled, nudging Remus with her elbow. “You really didn’t know?”

“I had no clue!” He threw a hand up as Frank took a drink of his beer. “I was completely taken aback. I thought maybe she was putting together a nice video since she missed their birthday.”

“You’re half right!” Alice rolled her eyes as Frank hurried out something about  _ stay right there _ and took a picture of them.

Remus smiled, leaning into them as Frank snapped his photo. “Barely, I didn’t know it was going to be a whole production.”

Sirius grinned, clapping their hands. “That’s a great photo! Ah—Regulus! You knew and didn’t tell me?” They strode off immediately to their brother. 

He laughed, about to tell them off for not eating but he would get to them later. Frank and Alice were off a second later because a good song came on. He would have been happy to sit there and stuff his face alone, but Teddy came over to join him.

“Pada leave you alone?”

“You know how they are, annwyl.” He set down the shrimp he was working on.

“They’re very excited. I’m so happy it went well.”

“Of course it’s going well, you did it.” Remus nearly ruffled her curls, but he decided against it because her hair looked like she took a lot of time on it.

“Thank you Dad.” Teddy looked very earnest.

It was as if someone pulled at a string on his heart. “You’re welcome. Are you having fun so far?”

“So much fun.” Teddy took a sip of their drink, looking out over the room.

“Are you proud of it all?” He asked.

“So proud. I feel like I did good.”

“Your Pada’s so happy, I can tell you that much.” Remus put his hand on her shoulder.

Teddy smiled and hugged him quickly. “I’m glad.”

Remus hugged her back. “Have some fun tonight, okay?”

“You too Dad,” Teddy said. “Do you want a drink?” She gestured with her near empty champagne glass.

“Nah, I’m good for now.” He shook his head.

“Remus!” Sirius stride over and threw their arms around him. “Have you seen all the decorations?”

“I have love,” he said with a laugh. “Eat some dinner then we can dance and look around more?”

“You know I’m no good at sitting still,” Sirius bemoaned, sliding into the seat next to him.

“I know, I know.” He put a hand on their leg to hold them in their seat.

Sirius gave him a sweet smile as they pulled the plate Remus had made for them closer. “Thank you,” they said, equally sweet. Remus could almost hear the  _ Daddy _ afterwards.

“You’re very welcome.” He kissed them on the cheek before looking to the dance floor where Alice was flying about.

“Didn’t take them long did it?” Sirius was chuckling fondly.

“Nope, always the first on the floor. Poor Nev didn’t get their coordination.” Remus chuckled watching Neville stepping on Hettie’s feet for probably the fifth time.

“Somehow.” They took a sip of their drink then looked to him. “Can we dance?”

“Are you done?” Remus gripped their thigh.

He watched Sirius’ eyelashes flutter before they answered. “Yes,” they said before grabbing a pakora from their plate and popping it in their mouth.

Remus gave them a knowing look. “Okay, but we’ll have more in a bit?”

Sirius squeezed his hand under theirs. “Promise.”

“All right then.” He slid out of the chair, holding his hand out to them. They took his hand and kissed his knuckles before he swept them out of their seat and onto the dancefloor. “How’s this dress for dancing?”

“What do you think?” Sirius spun out, grinning. “It hangs and spins really nicely.”

“Oh, very nice. It makes sense, didn’t flappers dance a lot?”

“Yeah!”

Sirius was interrupted by shrieks in stereo, and Remus saw Marlene and Hestia grinning. “Charleston!”

Remus laughed, looking over at the girls. “You dancers.”

Sirius slid in line next to them, then in time and unison, the three of them burst into a Charleston, laughing. Remus had no clue how to do it himself, so he stood back watching them all. Sirius grinned at him, holding their hands out. “C’mon caro! It’s easy—forward, cross, knees out—in!”

“You know I’ll end up hurting myself or someone else.” He took their hands though.

Sirius looked so happy. “I’ll dance around you, just bop!”

As if he could deny them the joy, Remus  _ attempted _ the dance. “Like this?”

“Yes!” Sirius was laughing, still managing the step without even trying, somehow.

“Oh god, I’m terrible at this -- like a deer learning to walk.”

“You’re adorable.” Sirius caught his arms as the song came to an end. “I love you.”

“I’m glad you think it’s adorable.” Remus smiled again, his cheeks hurting so much from laughing as he wrapped his arms around their middle.

Sirius leaned into him, laughing. “I will always love your awful dancing.”

“If you didn’t, we’d be screwed.”

“I like a different kind of screwed thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah we know that.” Remus snickered before kissing them.

Sirius wrapped their arms around his shoulders, chuckling against his lips. “Don’t tell me you’re not planning out every bit of tonight in your head.”

“No, no, never.” Remus put his hand on their cheek. “It’s already all planned.”

It was a brilliant night with their brilliant spouse and Christ, he was so proud of his kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! We will resuming one shot updates now about once a week!


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